To teachers of merit, (particularly those at whose request the Danciad was composed, and who are most capable of deciding how far the author has done justice to the subject) he respectfully dedicates this work,
Academy of Dancing, 3, Kirby Street, Hatton Garden.
7th June 1824.
The Danciad is founded on a dramatic prelude to the Author's 89th Public Ball, held the 30th October 1822 (when the characters were represented by himself and three of his pupils11. The performance of the original sketch, was, at the request of several subscribers, repeated at the author's vacation ball, 15th January 1824.) being intended as a descriptive sketch on the present state of ball-room dancing teachers and professors of dancing, academies, public balls, &c. &c.
The sketch being approved, was afterwards shown, in manuscript, to several eminent teachers, who strongly advised the author to continue the subject; as the various puffs and delusive advertisements of certain persons styling themselves "Professors of Dancing"22. This alludes more particularly to the London placard teachers, who almost invariably style themselves "Professors".: tended to bring even the art itself into disrepute, and loudly called for exposure and reprehension; however, what was every body's business was no-body's; though all continued to complain of injuries sustained in consequence of such practices, yet none attempted to draw on them the attention of the public33. Many strangers, forming their opinion from the delusive advertisements of certain teachers whose terms are very low, but never meant to be fulfilled, have objected to the charges of the respectable part of the profession, as exorbitant, though really no more than adequate; hence it arises, that fair-dealing teachers cannot, in many instances, obtain adequate remuneration. Loud complaints on the subject have been made to the author, whose own experience confirms the facts here stated.. The author was therefore urged to continue and extend his sketch; he in vain represented the difficulty of making it into a poem without new-modelling the subject, a task that he had neither time nor ability to execute. It was replied, that regularity of form was not regarded by them. "Go on (they exclaimed) we care not about form", and to their suggestion he yielded.
So the author endeavoured to take up the cause
By exposing mean tricks and explaining the laws;
To caution the public against some impostors,
Those self-named "professors" yclept dancing masters.
How the task is performed, must be judged of by those
Who well know the art, and such quackery oppose:
He has now explained his motives for writing, and the circumstances which gave rise to this little work, the object of which is to investigate the merits and claims of certain professors and teachers of dancing to that title ; to expose the delusive tricks and stratagems employed to obtain pupils ; also to explain the mode of admission to, and method of conducting certain rooms termed " Académies for Dancing", and to show the nature and quality of what are frequently called "Grand, Select, Characteristic, Friendly, Dress, Free, Subscription, and Charity Balls; likewise to enable teachers and the public Clearly to understand the laws relative to dancing, which are stated very fully in the work, and are also copied in the notes verbatim; from the act of parliament.
Though he narrates in verse, no modern poet
Deals less in fiction—(he has proofs to show if);
If, circumstances should give room for doubt,
He trusts his documents will bear him out,
And show it is not invention, nor from spleen,
But what exists, has been, or may be seen.
He is aware that the Danciad, in its present form, is not either a satyric poem or a dramatic piece; but,
Regardless what the world may say,
He has wrote the Danciad his own way;
Has neither kept to rhyme nor rules,
Nor tacked himself to ancient schools;
But has, like Tristram Shandy gone
Into digressions wide and long;
From East to West, has breathless run,
Then sauntered back where he began,
Knowing sometimes variety
Excuses impropriety;
If readers ask the reason why
He didn't with usual forms comply,
His motives were for running riot,
To caution rogues and make fools quiet.
Should his attempt succeed, it will be some consolation risking the censure of critics, for having deviated from established rules, but which, from the peculiar nature of the work, he considered it was sometimes necessary ; and that usual methods would have been ineffectual in exposing those sharks who have too long remained undiscovered, feasting on the silly gudgeons which come in their way.
Independent of the author's own knowledge on the subject, he has been supplied, during the progress of the work, through the medium of several professional persons, with accounts of various stratagems and devices of those self-created, self-entitled "Professors" till then unknown to him; and still
There's some, who're not to justice yet been brought,
Who've sinned for years, but never have been caught,
But are well known, and cautioned to desist,
As they'll be closely watched, should they persist.
He has withheld, for the present, the names of the parties alluded to; but, if he has not been sufficiently explicit, he must, in a future edition, be obliged, like a bad painter, to write the name at bottom.
The author yet, has not disclosed the name
Of those in fault, however they've been to blame;
But should they think that their true picture's shown,
And that they see a face just like their own,
He grants to those, and all the cap may fit,
His full permission now for wearing it.
But although he has refrained from naming the parties, yet, he trusts they will be easily discovered by their condemnation of the work and abuse of the author; for like the creaking wheel in the fable, it is very natural for them to cry out under affliction.
If he's condemned by those he meant to hit,
It will he a proof he has made his caps to fit,
For when fools bark, and rogues begin to cry,
There is a proof that retribution's nigh.
It is hoped the notes will show he has not taken up the subject without sufficient grounds for his assertions, for which he has ample confirmation, having in his possession most of the cards, bills, and advertisements issued by the parties.
He has entirely abstained from allusions to family circumstances, and personal misfortunes which ought never to be the subject of ridicule, although they have been, too frequently, to the disgrace of some of our best authors; and perhaps he might in some measure have been justified in retaliating even personalities, after the illiberality of certain parties, and he can affirm without fear of contradiction, that
He's uninfluenced, aids no partial cause,
Nor strives to censure, to obtain applause.
The Author's motives for this publication will probably be attributed to various causes; some persons will accuse him of self-interest, but he is quite convinced, if they had published as much, and as variously us he has, they would acquit him of that charge44. He, evidently, could not have been very sanguine in his expectation of gain from this work, which was laid aside for a year after the first representation, and afterwards resumed only at intervals spared from professional avocations, which be never suffered to be interrupted for such purposes, as He remembers an adage, which struck him with awe, That "who lives with the muses, must die in the straw". Books published by a humble individual (not a bookseller) seldom pay even for paper and printing, much less any remuneration for authorship; he forms this opinion from his own experience, believing it to be well known that
The author has, on dancing, published more
Than any teacher ever did before.
His works, though praised by teachers of renown,
And bought by half the masters in the town,
Have never yet enabled him to dine
On sumptuous viands, nor with Tokay wine
To treat his friends, and toast the sacred nine:
He therefore fears his time's been badly spent.
They ride who bought, he walks who did invent;
And like some authors, printed to his cost,
Has time, and labour, and invention lost,
And had his brightest prospects often crossed:
Yet, with this consolation, wrote again,
That all great authors of the like complain;
For works of merit do not always sell,
And this sad truth even Milton once could tell.
The drama next he was resolved to try,
And for the stage, strove something to supply;
To this was prompted, as heed heard it said,
A thousand pounds for many a piece was paid;
So he resolved to try with prose and rhyme,
And strove to keep the unities of time,
And printed too, did all within his power,
And fondly hoped to catch the golden shower,
To fill his coffers and extend his name,
But that long looked-for shower never came,
Like many authors, now, of self renown,
Curses the taste and judgement of the town;
Yet still writes on, and, for excuse, pretends
He only writes to serve and please his friends,
And has resolved another course to take,
To try if he can't reparation make
For loss in writing for the ball and stage,
By lashing some impostors of the age.
This to effect, he now to satire flies,
And runs to Pope and Byron for supplies;
For good examples, and what words to choose,
And also how, and when, and where to use
Triplets, digressions, and a clenching line,
That in itself doth sound and sense combine,
He reads them over, steals a line or so,
His verse to strengthen, and his powers to show,
But hopes the critics and the world won't know.
At dancing masters he has bent his aim,
But only those who have assumed the name.
Some time ago, he warned them to desist,
Or heed expose such plans as did exist
To trick the public; but they still persist,
And treat the author's warnings with a sneer,
And cry "From such a wight there's nought to fear.
His book will neither sell nor read, but soon
Make paper lanterns to assist the moon".
Should this take place, there's few with hopes of gain
Would go his halves, and satisfied remain.
He therefore fears that the present edition will be the Alpha and Omega of the Danciad, unless some of the professors alluded to should recognize their own likenesses, and reply, thereby furnishing the author with new materials for another edition, in which he may probably be obliged to unmask some of those characters; but,
Till they become the personal aggressors,
He'll hide real names, and only use "professors".
Should these predictions be fulfilled, (as perhaps they may), no profit will accrue to him from the present publication.
With these apprehensions, he has printed only a very small edition, as his greatest expectations as to the sale do not extend beyond supplying his subscribers, and disposing of a few copies to those persons who may expect to see, in this work, the old adage verified, which says,
"There's always rare sport (and with this hope will buy)
To see a goose dance, and a fool versify".
Nor has he the expectation of a dedication fee. As the Danciad comes forth, without being dedicated, as usual, to a rich and noble patron, which is not, however, omitted in consequence of the author being too rich to refuse the fee, nor would his readers be easily persuaded he was induced to reject it on the score of independence, as
The threadbare author, who, in sounding verse,
Makes light of thousands, seldom has in purse
Enough of current cola to answer all
The rude demands of those who chance to call,
And free his door from those alarming knocks
Which give poetic ears such dreadful shocks;
Or make the bard, for virtue's sake, disdain
The great to flatter, for the hope of gain.
He fears his purse will not be the only sufferer, by the omission of a suitable dedication to some rich and noble patron, but that the public will never, in any other way, hear of the very extraordinary virtues and acquirements that such a patron must of course possess. Therefore,
This may deprive the world of something they
Could never hear of any other way,
How his great patron was for wisdom famed,
Whose modest virtues all the town proclaimed;
Whose genius, talents, and acquirements, were
Quite super human, and beyond compare:
Such skill in arts and learning all confess
None but rich patrons ever can possess.
The Author can assure the Public, that he did not withhold the dedication, nor dispense with the fee, in order to be revenged on the rich, for retaining all the money, and leaving him none, although he is often declaiming in defence of virtuous poverty; but the truth is, that he quite despaired of ever finding so kind and liberal a patron, having heard that
Poets too oft, for want of bread, not fame,
To gain a patron, have extolled his name;
But, after sacrificing truth and time,
Have often found that neither prose nor rhyme
Could gain the bard the dedication fee,
The patron was so mean or dull, that he
The author's merit would or could not see.
To gain a fee the author has no hope,
For dedication fees expired with Pope55. It may not, perhaps, be strictly true, that no dedication fee has, in any instance, been given since Pope's time; but, since that period, it has certainly ceased to be the fashion..
He therefore dedicates his piece to those
Some of whom were and still may be his foes.
He has been told it is prudent to be civil,
And sometimes hold a candle to the Devil.
Not only has the author been without a rich patron and a dedication fee, but he has never received any pecuniary assistance from his subscribers in the publication of this work, the conditions being not to pay till delivery, and the price only 5s, whatever may be the size or extent of the book; beyond which he has only this forlorn hope, as
His subscribers belong to the family race
Of the Capers, well known for their figures and grace,
Who he hopes are too proud and too rich to abuse
A very good custom subscribers did use,
When the copy's presented, the change to refuse.
This expectation, he fears, is only one of the poet's golden dreams, which perhaps will never be realized. Others, though they may not think authorship very profitable, would yet accuse him of motives of vanity; but he trusts that the following declaration will exonerate him from that charge, for
He is not yet quite vain enough to give
A card address to where he does not live;
Nor boast of plenty, when the mice can show
For want they left his cupboard long ago;
Nor talk of dinners which he never ate,
Nor run in debt to give a foolish treat;
Nor vain enough, when he does hunger feel,
To fast, because the hour is not genteel,
Nor for the fashion to be starved alive,
But eats at twelve, and will not wait till five.
He's not ashamed to own he wanted pelf,
Nor envies dancers better than himself;
Is not abashed a former friend to meet,
Because they knew each other in the Fleet.
He boasts no conquests which he never made,
Disowns no friends because they live by trade;
Nor brags of means when be does hardly know
Which way to turn, to escape from Richard Roe.
Although, after making this declaration, the author might be acquitted of either interest or vanity, yet there are some who might perhaps attribute this work to splenetic motives; but this he can affirm, (and, like many other authors, hopes to be believed too), that spleen has not in the least influenced him, not having any individual pique or personal animosity against any person alluded to in the work, only that natural indignation excited by the conduct of those who have resorted to the various deceptive tricks and unfair practices complained of, but must confess he cannot say quite so much for himself on the score of envy, as
He envies those who can for nothing give
Both time and dancing, yet like princes live;
And all those teachers who have the art to show
Their pupils dances, which themselves don't know;
And those who to a lesson can foretell,
(Be who they may) when pupils call dance well;
And those who've had "machines66. The words in italics, between inverted commas, are taken from the party's bills and advertisements. The author would be much obliged to any Lady or Gentleman to supply him with any others of a similar kind: the favour shall be hereafter acknowledged. for waltzing made,
To teach the art without a master's aid";
And some great teachers, who do scarce know how
To teach the chassée, or to make the bow
Who never drudged for excellence or fame,
Yet notwithstanding have acquired a name,
And keep a carriage, live in great repute,
Whilst talent walks, and in a threadbare suit
And those "who've lately brought to light an art
That common teachers never can impart".
He envies those who any dance can take,
And in six lessons perfect pupils make,
And conscientiously to them can say,
"You now dance well, can ease and grace display".
These and the several other super-human acquirements said to be possessed by certain professors of dancing, have excited the author's envy. In his defence, the calls on those eminent teachers who know the fallibility of human nature, to read these extraordinary professions, and then say whether they do not also envy those great professors such rare qualifications, and to this subject he particularly entreats the attention of eminent foreign dancers, who have so long laughed at our want of genius in the art of dancing.
Read this, ye Opera principals, and own.
Is not your system now defective grown?
They perfect dancers make before you know
The five positions, or can point the toe.
Tell Gallia's sons, John Bull's now learnt to dance,
Has got new methods, and can vie with France.
The Author's further remarks and opinions on these matters must be reserved for another place, as he finds he has already terribly digressed, for which he offers the following apology:
Now, with critics a truce,
For he has an excuse,
Having seen near a score
Who have done so before.
Some are authors of note
Whose names he could quote,
Whose books, by confession,
Are all a digression.
You'll find Sterne and Swift
Gave digressions a lift;
And in Byron it is found
That they often abound;
Yet most will agree,
That his like they can't see.
If you say this excuse
Will be here of no use,
Perhaps there's one more
That will outweigh a score,
Which you must confess,
If you reason possess.
It is this: we are frail,
And our foibles prevail
For Dame Nature, we find,
To our faults makes us blind.
So the critics have said
Of great Milton77. It is said of Milton, the poet, that he prized his "Paradise Regained" (considered by the critics as the most inferior of his poems) before his "Comus" and "Paradise Lost". that's dead.
Should neither precedents nor apologies prevail — with some critics, who think
He must jog on the usual way
And neither look aside nor stray,
Whatever the prospect may present,
But keep the road that others went.
Yet he has risked their indignation,
And followed his own inclination,
And often runs through thorns and briars,
It expose impostors, rogues, fools, and liars.
That an author is not the best judge of his own performance, is generally admitted: whether the digressions into which the Author of the Danciad has been led are justifiable or not, and with what portion of ability he has executed the task assigned to him, he presumes not to determine; but, whatever opinion his readers may form on that subject, he at least hopes to be acquitted of unworthy motives. In yielding to the request of his subscribers, he has been influenced only by the wish of guarding the public against impositions, and of rescuing the honourable part of the profession from sharing in the odium that ought not to be indiscriminately attached. With such patrons and encouragers of his work, it may be doubted, whether he can say, like others, "he was prompted to the undertaking by the advice of his friends , for the old adage says, "two of a trade", &c.
He also hopes the unpoetical diction, as well as the want of smoothness in some of the lines, will be excused, the subject being rather argumentative than poetical, and the work abounding with technical terms and expressions, and it being requisite to quote, as closely as possibly, not only the modes of expression in particular advertisements, bills, and cards, but even clauses of the act of parliament relative to dancing.
The critics, he hopes, will remember it was writ
By a dancer, and they are not famed for their wit.
Of the truth of this axiom to all he appeals,
Per their merit, it is said, mostly lies in their heels
And by one who has neither much leisure nor pelf,
Who, when pupils apply, gives the lesson himself.
If the author in triplets does largely abound,
In Pope and in Dryden they're plentiful found;
And even great Johnson advises their use,
"Till, we've got something better we can introduce";
And, should you dispute that they judgement did lack,
You'll have Gifford, Southey, and Moore on your back;
So, be how it may, if its merits are tried,
He has authors and poets of note on his side,
Who are known for their zeal, and whole volumes would write.
In case of dispute, to prove themselves right,
Should his subject and sentences end rather rude,
Should his triplets not always the sentence conclude,
Should his verse sometimes hobble and periods seem crude,
He says, for excuse, that his subject's not epic,
But argumentative, and partly dramatic,
And hopes that this reason will weigh with the critic.
But it may, perhaps, be said that this apology might have been spared, had the Author engaged some able versifier to round his periods and correct his numbers, who certainly might have amended the poetry; but a technical knowledge of the subject was also indispensably necessary, as it appears was once experienced by Hogarth the artist, in his " Analysis of Beauty " who slates that he at first availed himself of the assistance of a literary friend, who not having a technical knowledge of drawing and painting, made rather an elegant literary disquisition than a scientific and technical treatise, and the artist was consequently compelled afterwards to write the work himself.
The Author of the following lines has, therefore, used his own mode, and if he has egregiously sinned against the rules of rhyme and reason, must in his turn expect to be subject, like others, both to reprehension and neglect.
Though the opening of the Danciad may be said to be on the subject of jealousy, and perhaps appear irrelevant to the object of the work, the original form has be en retained, as leading to other matters, and is now entitled, "the Introduction"; and though the imitations of the various styles and methods of dancing quadrilles, waltzes, reels, and country dances, cannot of course be properly explained, but by representation; yet, in order to preserve the form of the original sketch, he has retained the part where such imitations were introduced. The Laws relative to Dancing , the Subject of Public Balls , and above half that portion which is under the head of " Professors of Dancing "; were not in the original sketch, but, with various other alterations and additions, have been subsequently introduced.
It may be necessary to remark, that many circumstances appertaining to the same party are sometimes given in different places: this has arisen from their having partly transpired whilst the work was printing.
He fears the work will not please the critics the subject being not only limited but technical: however, should it satisfy those for whom it was written, he shall consider himself fortunate; and should it not, after his best endeavours, meet their expectation, they will recollect it was their approval of a portion of the work that induced him to finish it.
He also apprehends, that it may not please a respectable portion of the profession, who, though feeling the justice of the remarks, and assured they apply not to themselves, would yet be unwilling to concur in such sentiments, lest they should offend their visiting acquaintances, as
There may be truth, too strong, perhaps, for those
Who only tacitly such tricks oppose.
But he speaks boldly, hides no faults for gain,
And cares not if impostors should complain.
Alike to him their censure or applause;
He hopes with justice to maintain his cause.
Though on him hurled Ernulphus's dread curse88. See the dreadful curse or excommunication from the church of Rome by Ernulphus.,
If he's traduced or slandered, which is worse.
Though this should happen, he will not desist,
But will expose impostors who persist.
He'll not be neutral, but will speak his mind,
Regardless if he friends or foes may find.
Notwithstanding which, he is, however, quite Willing to submit with deference to candid public opinion: yet
He'll not be quietly condemned by fools,
Or costermonger teachers, or their tools,
But will reply, aye, over and over again,
And prove he has grounds and reason to complain.
Yet to be judged will willingly submit,
By those who have candour, judgement, taste, and wit;
And such as can the subject comprehend,
And know the cause he labours to defend.
If those condemn him, then he'll not complain,
But either mend, or never write again.
The author fears, that with apologies, comparisons, defences, confessions, allusions, digressions, quotations, and invocations, both in prose and verse, he must, by this time, have tired his readers: he will therefore detain them no longer,
Ending his preface with this exclamation
To teachers and all pupils in the nation:
"Let dancing-masters now draw near,
"I'll whisper something in their ear,
"That shall to some be recreation,
"To others dire abomination.
"Let those who've both cheap dancing dear,
"(Pupils I mean) let them draw near,
"And watch the shadows as they pass,
" And see their likeness in the glass".
T. W.
Academy for dancing,
Kirby Street, Hatton Garden,
7th June, 1824
Enter Lucy, showing in Belinda , disguised as an Old Woman.
Lucy. This way Madam, – this way, – pray walk in,
At nine, the Ball will certainly begin.
Bel. It's now past eight—I think my watch is right,
Do you expect much company here to-night?
Lucy. We've plenty of fine ladies and smart beaux,
Mostly pupils, and those that Master knows.
Bel. I hope they'll not be late, for, I must own,
I am melancholy when I am left alone.
Lucy. There's several ladies, dressing down below,
Three of them came at least an hour ago:
When I looked out just now I several more
In coaches saw (Knocking heard).
I hear them at the door (Going to the door).
Bel. If that should my niece Frolic chance to be,
Say her aunt's here, and show her into me (Knocking again heard. Lucy going).
Here, Lucy, stop, I've something more to say.
Lucy. They'll knock the door down, Ma'am, I cannot stay,
You must excuse me. (Knocking again). Mercy! how they knock!
It certainly is now near nine o'clock. (Exit Lucy).
Bel. She knows not who I am, nor don't suspect,
I've come this night my monster to detect;
I'm in good time to see the ball begin,
To watch my spark and his fine lady in:
It was quite by accident I chanced to hear,
That he was coming with his creature here;
For he declared that he this night must go,
With his aunt Barnacle to Walthamstow;
The traitor never more shall me deceive,
I never, never more will man believe;
He little dreams I'm here, but thinks that Jane
And I are at my Aunt's in Hornsey Lane. (Walks about much agitated).
I think he'll never know me in this dress,
It is prim and formal, that I must confess,
And like those worn in time of good queen Bess.
I'll at his letter take another look,
To see if I his meaning have mistook. (Produces a letter and reads).
Could any wretch be found to write like this.
And make such vows and still to keep a Miss?—(Starts!)
Monstrous! this in a court of law would prove
A marriage promise and a pledge of love. (Jemima enters unperceived).
I'll put it up, for were I once again
To read such perfidy – it would turn my brain. (Walks up the stage agitated, Jemima comes forward).
Jem. (Aside) Who's this? it was like Belinda's voice I heard,
It cannot be, the dress is too absurd;
I'll satisfy myself before I go;
And cross and see her face, I then shall know.
Mercy, Belinda, is it you my dear?
In this disguise whatever brought you here?
Bel. Curiosity; for I've a wish to know
Who comes, what's said, and watch a faithless beau.
Jem. That's curiosity I needs must say,
I think you'd better let him have his way.
Bel. Give him his way; no, never while I live,
Will I to any man such sanction give:
Observe, my dear, I've put on this disguise,
That I the treacherous monster may surprise.
Jem. Were he my beau, I this revenge should take,
Would try if I couldn't some new conquest make;
There's beaux in plenty left, if you'll but try,
And many, who for you will swear to die.
Bel. In such a frolic some would take delight,
And I confess I think it would serve him right;
I scarce know how to act; let me reflect —
Shall I the monster publicly detect?
Or take no notice, but incog. remain,
To watch his motions, and my proof obtain. (Pauses).
I am now resolved; have hit upon a plan,
That will detect him, if possibly I can
Submit to see such perfidy in man.
I'll take my seat, and pass for your aunt Mumps,
Then I shall see my spark play but his trumps:
They'll take me for some antiquated dame,
That I mayn't dance I will pretend I'm lame:
Will watch him first, and when I've him detected,
Will change my dress and come in unexpected;
I then can prove his falsehoods to his face,
And bring him and his lady to disgrace.
Jem. Your plan should be to get some dashing beau,
And one if possible that he don't know,
To chat and dangle with, you'll then soon prove,
Whether for you or her he has most love.
Bel. Excellent thought I I'll follow your advise,
And when I change with dress myself so nice,
In that new silk which now is quite the rage,
Then all the room's attention I'll engage.
I've heard there's coming plenty of nice sparks,
Not prentices, or tow inferior clerks,
But real gentlemen, and some not married,
Whose love affairs have lately miscarried,
Who love new faces whether brown or fair,
And in five minutes will their love declare.
Jem. They're just the sort of sparks that I should choose,
To make him jealous and myself amuse.
Bel. With some of those dear sparks I'll chat and walk,
And seem to listen to their flattering talk;
He'll think me quite in earnest, and I know,
Young Flatter's coming, who was once my beau:
He hates young Flutter ever since he brought
Me that hair-ring: in fact, for me they fought.
I'll take a turn with him, that I'll engage,
Will put my spark in such a rage;
He'll either quit the room, or else down right,
Expose himself, and challenge him to fight;
For he's so jealous, fears all this and that,
Twill serve him right, and give him tit for tat;
He'll find that I'm no lamb now I've begun,
On him I'll be revenged before I've done.
Jem. You'll find, depend on it, that's the only plan,
You can adopt, to punish your false man.
Bel. I'll punish him unless he will down right,
Renounce his creature; aye, and that this night;
I am determined; but you've not said, my, dear,
If jealousy or pleasure brought you here.
Jem. I'm free from jealousy in every way,
And wish all ladies now the same could say;
I am come to quiz the dancing, and to see
Who this – is, and what his pupils be;
I have heard of them, but cannot say I've seen,
Them dance, or at his Balls have ever been.
Bel. Oh! that's your object here; then Jane was right,
Who said you went to dancing every night.
Jem. I never was at ---'s I protest,
Though he has twenty years the art professed;
But from most other teachers more or less,
Have taken lessons, and I must confess,
Have lately visited all balls in town,
From petty hops to balls of most renown.
The different styles of dancing there to see,
And how the various methods do agree,
With sense and reason, and the rules of art,
And how those several masters do impart
Their rare instructions, as they all declare,
That none with them yet ever could compare.
Bel. True; for egotism there's few can match?
These sapient teachers, who all try to catch
Unwary strangers, with assertions they
Put forth in various forms, with grand display,
By which they lead the credulous astray,
And only live by those whom they deceive,
From their pretensions, this you'd scarce believe.
Jem. They can't impose on me, as I have seen,
The first of dancer's who have ever been
Upon the stage, or figured at a ball,
Can imitate their manners one and all:
Have had the greatest masters of the age,
As ball-room teachers, likewise for the stage;
And now can well discriminate and show,
That I the different styles of dancing know99. It appeared requisite (particularly in the dramatic representation) that this lady should possess confidence, together with experience and abilities, as on her devolved the task of exposing the deceptive pretensions and impositions of various self-created and self-entitled "Professors of Dancing"..
Bel. Your knowledge of the art none can deny,
On your good judgement I can well rely;
Though no great dancer, yet I plainly see,
What mere imposters many teachers be;
I do not mean those dancers who well know
The art, and scientifically can show
That they to grace and elegance can join
Fine execution, and the whole combine
With taste and judgement, and can well impart
The various branches of this pleasing art.
To teachers of this class I don't allude
In my remarks; such teachers I exclude;
And only aim at those well-known impostors,
Self-titled, self-created dancing masters,
Whose teaching is a libel on those elves,
Disgraceful to their pupils and themselves;
Who cheat all persons they attempt to show,
Of time and money, as they nothing know,
But mongrel stuff, nonsensical; absurd,
With strange new fangled names you never heard.
Jem. I know both classes well, and every day
Meet some of them. Indeed am proud to say
I know some dancers on and off the stage,
Models of the art and wonders of the age;
Yet they can only "Dancing Masters" write,
A name assumed by every paltry wight,
Who scarce can run the hey; yet will abuse
Those teachers, though not fit to chalk their shoes;
These mean impostors bring to disrepute,
This polite art, and teachers of repute.
Bel. And libel both as spleen or interest suit.
Jem. Nothing like science do they teach or know,
They are quacks in dancing, which I'll plainly show.
Bel. They're quacks indeed, if you their bills survey,
And weigh their talent well with what they say;
They every dance propose to teach, and well,
Though they the five positions scarce can tell.
Jem. There was a time, and that not long ago,
When Dancing Masters were obliged to know
The Art of Dancing well, and that explain,
Ere they could fame or pupils hope to gain;
When talent only could command respect,
And pupils could impostors soon detect;
When Bishop1010. Mister Bishop was one of the most celebrated English Dancing Masters: he taught the late Queen of France; also, most of the English nobility of that period, (1763 to 1803). taught, and Slingsby1111. Mister Slingsby was a native of Ireland, and a dancer of uncommon merit, considering the difficulties he had to encounter was for several years first dancer at the Italian Opera House. graced the stage,
And when less talent scarce would please the age,
Who vied with all the dancers then in France,
And taught their pupils gracefully to dance;
Whose pupils danced with much more grace than those,
Who now for teachers on the town impose:
Teachers of dancing were considered then,
As well informed and polished gentlemen:
There were few teachers then, but why you'll ask,
Because but few dare undertake the task;
But teachers now with blacking-makers vie,
In number and in puff to catch the eye;
They multiply like insects in the sun,
Some hobble forth; some hop, whilst others run,
All term themselves "professors", and engage
To fit you for the ball-room or the stage;
A quarter's dancing, and a flaming bill
Now make a teacher, and proclaim his skill;
A few quadrilles, a hornpipe, reel or so,
Are quite as much as many teachers know;
In every shop or corner of a street,
Some new Professor's bill of fare you meet;
Go round or through the town which way you will,
You're sure to see some dancing master's bill;
On every wall or fence their hills are seen,
From east to west, from Bow to Turnham Green;
They teach for prices any dance you choose,
For less than shoe-blacks charge for blacking shoes;
They all "Professors" write, and on the wall,
They seem to vie with Vestris1212. Vestris, the name of a celebrated family of French dancers, some of whom have been principals at the Italian Opera House for more than half a century; and mister Charles Vestris holds that situation at present, and is one of the best of modern dancers. and with Paul1313. Paul, a French dancer of uncommon agility, and who, when this work was begun, was one of the first dancers at the Italian opera.The anther begs he may not have the credit for invention of the captivating phrases above quoted, as they are really taken from bills and advertisements of certain professors of dancing, many of which are in his possession..
Try them, see their pupils dance, then proclaim
Whether "Professor" does become their name.
One "gratis gives a month", says, "come and try",
As they cry walnuts, "taste before you buy".
Some advertise, that "if you do not learn
In certain time, the money they'll return";
Quack doctors like, who advertise to say,
Their terms to patients are "no cure no pay".
"To give four months for three", there's one agrees,
By way of blessing, as they give with peas.
Others less modest still demand some pay,
And for one guinea, in six lessons they
Will teach completely, any dance you will;
Minuet, gavotte, waltzing, or quadrille;
And some, who on their talents can't depend,
A picture1414. A practise resorted to by a certain professor, who prefixes several initials to his name. of their room to shops they send,
To hang in windows that they may be seen,
Just like a grocer's nodding Mandarin;
They know fools gape at, pictures; nay, believe
All they see is true, and thus themselves deceived;
Other devices not less strange they try,
Their objects to surprise and catch the eye.
Bel. They all condemn each other, say they'll show
That they alone the art of dancing know;
Each other's plans they publicly disown,
As each has got a method of his own;
They all possess great talents, so they say,
(And printed papers are all true!) then they
Must be the greatest masters of the day.
Jem. But printed statements often prove to be,
Except in print a mere nonentity;
These proofs in plenty have occurred to me:
Each teacher1515. The author here only alludes to those advertising teachers, who are the subject of animadversion in this work. shows great talent by his bill,
Just read it over, you'll wonder at his skill,
There every dance is named, and they engage,
To make their pupils wonders of the age;
In a few lessons and at small expense,
One guinea1616. The author possesses as the bills and advertisements of several professors of dancing, in which they profess to complete persons of any age in any department of dancing for one guinea. is all they ask us recompense.
Bel. With these proposals they must all deceive,
Who in their bills implicitly believe.
Jem. It is only those they catch who have never been,
At balls or theatres, where good dancing's seen;
With that experience they would soon discern,
Their masters ought themselves to go and learn.
Bel. Are they unconscious of their own defects;
Or is it impudence that them protects?
Jem. Of impudence they've no deficiency;
Neither of envy; but of modesty
These great professors often want a grain,
Though they in others of this want complain;
Their usual candour, if you've any doubt,
You'll by this method very soon find out.
Ask them what sort of teachers others be,
If Mister A or B, or C or D,
Are not good teachers? – this candid tribe will say,
"These people have no talent to display;
"A grovelling set, they never had repute,
"Nor dare with us one moment to dispute".
Or else pretend these teachers to disown,
And say, "As masters they are quite unknown".
Like rival ladies, run each other down,
Rail at the taste and blindness of the town.
Bel. Candor's a virtue that but few possess,
Yet there's but few who candor don't profess.
Jem. I've seen such tricks play off you'd scarce believe,
By these quack teachers, aye, that would deceive
Satan himself, who would scarcely be aware
Of such finesse, but drop into their snare;
They change their names, e'en country they disown.
Bel. To me there's several of these gentry known,
There's some to pass for foreigners will try,
And on their impudence alone rely;
They all declare they're lately come from France,
And with them brought some new surprising dance;
Yet many of them France have never seen,
And others have to Calais only been.
Others a letter from their names retrench1717. An eminent dancing-master, a subscriber to this work, complained to the author, that one of these quack teachers, whose name he mentioned, had obtained from him some of his schools; this was accomplished by retrenching two letters of his name, which rendered it the same as that of an established teacher in the neighbourhood, and engaging to teach the school at a reduced price.,
Or add, or else transpose to make it French;
They shrug their shoulders, and cry "Sacre Dieu",
But know no more of French than our Sue;
They gabble broken French, and try to pass
For Frenchmen; but are often like the ass
In fable told, who wore the lion's skin,
And strove to take his fellow-creatures in;
Was by his ears at last found out, and then
Was scouted and disgraced by beasts and men.
Jem. That's just the case, Belinda, I well know,
And can the truth of your assertions show;
I heard a jabbering coxcomb once affect
To understand and speak French dialect;
Nothing you ever heard was so absurd,
He misapplied and wrong pronounced each word;
With nasal twang1818. It has lately been a common practice amongst the teachers of dancing alluded to in this work, to endeavour to pass themselves off as foreigners by imitating their manner, and endeavouring to speak in a broken French accent. I head this creature call,
The quadrille figures at his last grand ball,
"It was neither French nor English that I heard.
But jargon quite nonsensically absurd,
Shrugs and grimace he used at every word!
Bel. I think I know him, but I cannot say,
So many new ones spring up every day.
Jem. In almost every street are dancing rooms.
And teachers now spring up like mushrooms,
From clowns, fiddlers, hawkers, hucksters, tailors,
Carpenters, cobblers, pantaloons, and sailors;
From servants, tinkers, pastry cooks, and bakers;
And some, I am told, were lately undertakers1919. There are now persons calling themselves "professors," who were but a little time ago following the above named trades and occupations, and some even now continue the same occasionally. It is not meant to be insinuated, that every person has not an undoubted right to practice and get a living by any particular profession (provided it be done without taking any unfair means to supplant others). How far the conduct of the parties above alluded to has been fair and correct must be left to the judgment of those who are certainly most competent to decide, videlicet the scientific part of the profession. On the subject of the author's own case, he begs leave here to observe, that he was bred to a mechanical business, which, before the expiration of his at apprenticeship, he was compelled (with others) to relinquish, (that trade being entirely ruined through certain financial speculations of mister Pitt). Having some taste for dancing, as an amusement, he determined to endeavour to qualify himself so as to follow it, as a profession, and which was only effected after long and unremitting exertions, such as few individuals would encounter. With the particulars he may perhaps at some future period trouble the public, not fearing that, like some of his contemporaries, he can with anecdotes, digressions, quotations, &c. &c. fill two quarto volumes.;
They are all at once great adepts in the art,
And promise rare instructions to impart;
When they commence, with hopes to stamp their fame,
They always add "professor" to their name,
And then send out a pompous bill of fare,
Contrived to make good honest people stare;
Name every dance of which they've ever heard,
Famed teachers bills they copy word for word;
Not matter only but the type's the same,
In nothing differ; but the teacher's name.
Read but their bills, you'll find they promise all,
That can be done by Vestris or by Paul.
Bel. Don't they to able teachers often go,
To learn of them what they pretend to know?
Jem. A visit to their balls they sometimes make,
And there a sort of outline strive to take,
Of certain dances that they advertise,
That never before met those professors eyes;
And what's still more, they canvass while they're there,
For their own balls, and give out bills of fare;
For you must know they all have bails that they
In print their names and talents may display,
But never mean one twentieth part they say.
Bel. Some knowledge of their balls I wish to gain.
Jem. It would be digressing should I here explain,
But I will soon their nature fully state,
And likewise public bahs investigate;
At present will confine myself to give
You some idea how these quack teachers2020. The terms "quack teachers" and "great professors", are not intended to be applied in derision to the profession indiscriminately, but only to characters of the particular description alluded to in the course of the work. live,
How great professors pupils do obtain,
And how they oft instructions from them gain;
When they get pupils who before were taught,
And who, with them, have any dancing brought,
From such they learn; what they never knew before2121. It is a common practice with these teachers to endeavour to obtain from pupils who have been with other masters, a knowledge of dances with which they were before unacquainted, except by name, though constantly advertised in their bills, and sometimes as their own invention.,
Although they've advertised it over and over.
If pupils badly dance, or from neglect,
Or want of genius, or can't recollect
What they've been taught, professors lay the blame
On former masters, to traduce their fame,
And often boast from other teachers they
Get pupils, but how they never fairly say;
Whether from ignorance, or through some dispute,
Or prices, which all pockets do not suit.
One prides himself on what you'd scarce suppose2222. It was formerly the pride of every dancing-master to be thought a gentleman, but that age, like the age of chivalry, is gone! for, several modern professors delight in being considered familiar with the lowest occupations; and one has had his full length figure as a dustman placed conspicuously in his ball-room, and has distributed a metal portrait of himself as "the original dustman!" Others have stepped aside from the usual path, to imitate so enviable an example. What would the Noverres, the Gallinis, the Bishops, and the Slingsbys, have said to this?,
That he the manners of a dustman knows;
To show his predilection for that trade,
Has had his portrait as a dustman made,
Which in his ball-room is conspicuous placed,
To show his pupils his fine attic taste.
Heed be offended, should he hear you say,
He is not the greatest dustman of the day.
Bel. Such vulgar notions in a teacher show
That his connections must be very low;
What sort of people visit at his place?
Are all his pupils of the dusting race?
You know the saying is, "birds of a feather
(Be what they may) will always flock together".
Example in the master leads the van;
As acts the master, mostly acts the man;
Yet, who and what they are, I never heard.
Jem. They, are all gentlemen, if you will take his word.
Bel. So he will say, but did you ever hear,
A silken purse was made from a sow's ear?
Jem. Though he has professed the art for several years,
The dustman in his dancing still appears.
The dancing dustman, some have called this wight,
And those, who know him, say they've named him right;
He teaches all departments of the art,
And promises the Graces to impart.
Bel. It is strange, if those in Graces can excel,
Whose motto is, "the basket and the bell".
Dustman and dancing master most folks say,
Are callings opposite, as night from day.
Is it from ignorance, or for gain, that he
Delights in this strange low propensity?
Jem. It must be gain, though every one agrees:
He is really not a modern Socrates;
Yet such a stickler for the trade he's grown,
He'll own himself inferior to none.
Bel. The dancing masters hardly will dispute,
That he is not a dustman of repute,
Nor envy him his portrait or his fame,
Nor "Dusty Bob", should he prefer that name;
May he enjoy the basket and the bell,
And every dustman in the town excel!
Jem. Another teacher thinks he shows his skill,
Who makes his placard like a lottery bill;
The leading features of his bill you'll see,
With lottery puffing strictly will agree:
He prints (in letters nearly one foot high)
The following puff, designed to catch the eye.
"Quadrilles2323. If this professor does not actually proclaim "murder and fire" to excite public attention to his bill. yet he endeavours to attract notice by an apparently advantageous proposition to learners, of "quadrilles taught in six lessons," printed in very large striking characters, whilst the real meaning is only to be found in type, which he hopes is small enough to escape the passing eye. Though this stratagem has been so hackneyed by lottery office keepers and unfair traders, yet several persons who had not read the bill attentively, have been misled. The author of this work has been called on to fulfill similar engagements by parties who have cited the placards above alluded to. by him are in six lessons taught",
With this he hopes the public will be caught.
But, note his hill, you in small type will find,
He has a saving clause, secure behind,
Like haberdashers, who write up "as Todds2424. Todd is the name of a celebrated haberdasher.",
Where the conjunction "as" makes all the odds:
His bill not only this device displays,
But to its author gives the greatest praise.
For his acquirements, and his matchless skill,
"To name them all, requires a larger bill".
Bel. These lottery-puffing teachers will no doubt,
Soon, like the lottery, puff themselves quite out.
Jem. Their loss to London this effect will have,
The public will both time and money save.
Another2525. The above lines are nearly a literal copy of the professor's advertisement which frequently appeared in the daily papers, and must be in the recollection of every teacher of dancing. "secret graces can impart",
"That few or none can analyse his art";
"How its created, common teachers are"
"Quite ignorant"; – thus runs his bill of fare.
Another plan these petty teachers try,
To pick up pupils from the passers by,
By opening wide the windows where they sit,
Scraping aloud some fiddle, bass, or kit2626. These, and several other practices of a similar kind, are actually adopted by the teachers here alluded to, for be purpose of attracting attention and acquiring notoriety.,
Just to collect a crowd about the door,
To gape up at the first or second floor;
To make themselves and residence well known,
Is what they have in view and what they own;
They have no regard for strict propriety,
Their only aim is notoriety;
Walk in who will, they're never very nice,
And seldom differ with you as to price;
To take your money they are always willing,
They let none go who will advance one shilling.
Bel. That's true enough, for I have heard it said,
Aye, fifty times, by many who have paid;
Yet, these quack teachers oft a consequence
Assume, to which they've not the least pretence,
Either in means, manners, or in sense.
Jem. To gain a consequence these teachers try,
And either on their impudence rely,
Or some device or singularity,
In hopes of fame or popularity.
Another thinks that Royalty2727. On the Surrey side of Blackfriar's bridge, a certain professor exhibits the Royal arms, painted in a very conspicuous manner between his parlour windows, and with the inscription, "under Royal patronage". has charms,
And on his shutters paints the Royal Arms;
But e'er to see the Royal Guest dance there,
Credulity itself would even despair.
Bel. Perhaps he to the palace often goes,
To drill the monarch and to point his toes.
Jem. He, at the royal residence, it is said,
Was never seen – to knock would be afraid,
Lest the rude porter in an angry fit,
Should feel his ears, and tread upon his kit,
And make him soon be glad to stir his stumps,
Through mud and water in his dancing pumps.
Bel. And yet, perhaps, that lady2828. The Prs. of C. in whose cause a patriotic M, P. eloquently but ineffectually spoke in the H. of C. and emphatically introduced the classical quotation: "Flectere si nequeo superos. Acheronta movebo". Her highness resides in the professor's neighbourhood, but cannot be seriously presumed to have granted the licence. who of late,
Has claimed the honour of the Royal state,
(For whom some people Acheron would move
If they should fail to bend the Gods above),
May have beheld with her discerning eyes,
The great professor's modest merit rise,
And granted licence which must all surprise.
Jem. If, it is not so, he must, to escape disgrace,
Just take a mop and smudge his lion's face.
The same professor says, (though I've not seen),
He has invented a rare new machine2929. This professor (resolving not to be outdone in invention, by any of his competitors) has positively asserted to several persons that he has invented a machine to teach waltzing without the aid of a master.,
To teach the waltz without a master's aid,
And with it he has several waltzes made.
Bel. Well; after this, there's nothing strange can seem,
We next shall hear that people waltz by steam.
Jem. But I have not all its properties explained,
As other great advantages are gained;
He says it will make deformity quite straight,
And awkward persons have a genteel gait;
Like smiths, who can the heated iron with ease
Extend, straighten, or bend how they please;
However stiff deformed or old they have been,
They all waltz gracefully by this machine.
Another modestly a Latin motto tries,
None less than Nelson's his great mind supplies.
"Palmam3030. Another great professor on the Surrey side of Blackfriar's bridge, put out large bills, with this motto: "Palmam qui meruit ferat" — those who knew his real off the Palm. Finding his claims unrewarded, he took another mode of attracting notoriety. by hoisting from his windows flags, inscribed with his name, profession, &c. but here again he was soon obliged to strike his colours. qui meruit ferat", he cries.
Bel. This really is what mottoes ought to be.
Jem. Yet, with this motto, he didn't long agree,
But fearing it was really verified,
As he no pupils got, he shortly tried
To make himself more singular, then chose
To hoist a flag as at a rendezvous;
These banners from the windows he let fly,
With large inscriptions meant to catch the eye;
His name, profession, and the terms you'll find,
With strange devices on these flags combined.
Others, quack doctors like, aspire to fame,
And give their portrait3131. One self-entitled "professor," closely imitates the celebrated quack doctors, Solomon and Brodum and has, indeed, improved on their plan; his portrait is not only prefixed to his book, but exhibited in shop windows separately for sale. to preserve their name
They all are gentlemen, at least if they
Tell true, and you'll believe in what they say.
Another great professor still goes higher,
Who always writes and styles himself "Esquire",
And often to himself does letters send,
Written as from some governess or friend,
Which both himself and dancing recommend.
There's some professors to acquire a name.
On able teachers merits build their fame
From skilful teachers3232. Some of these teachers (conscious of their own inability) engage qualified pupils, belonging to able masters, to open their balls, whom they advertise as their own pupils., pupils they engage,
Their balls to open, or upon the stage
To dance; but their real master's merits they disown,
And advertise those pupils as their own.
From other teachers merits they obtain,
Pupils and credit, and themselves maintain.
Bel. That's often done, which I've myself observed,
And know some teachers, who have thus been served.
The royal arms3333. To affix the king's arms to their bills is now a common practice with professors of dancing; even with those who, it may be presumed, cannot have the least claim or pretence to royal patronage. now most professors sport,
As if they taught the monarch and the court,
In hopes the reader will from this presage,
That they enjoy the royal patronage;
"It is libellous on majesty to see
Each Jack O'Noaks make free with royalty:
For dustmen, chimney-sweeps, and mouse-trap makers,
Showmen, fire eaters, and cat-gut scrapers,
Now clap the royal arms above their name;
Thus every driveller does this privilege claim.
Bel. Patronage for excellence was the intent,
Of those who used the arms and what was meant;
Were they employed by royalty, then they
Might legally the royal arms display;
But, these you have named, these "would be's of renown
Have no more right than Jack Ketch to the crown".
Jem. Strangers who are from distant countries brought,
Would think John Bull the dancing mania's caught,
If they should really judge from what they see,
That all who bear the royal arms must be
Employed to teach the Sovereign steps and grace;
They'd say all things to dancing now give place,
And our good monarch meant to take the lead,
And every public dancer supersede;
Could not believe the gout he ever had,
But must suppose he new was "dancing mad".
And think from these professors one and all,
That lie took lessons, or else graced their ball.
Bel. The Herald's College really ought to see,
That due respect is paid to royalty,
And not let every low presuming elf,
With royalty identify himself.
Jem. Every device these great professors try
They think misleads, or can deceive the eye.
Some keep their gigs by way of imitation,
Of those oar greatest teachers in the nation;
Like needy doctors, business they pretend,
And mount their gigs, though pupils do not send.
Bel. I have heard as much from many who have been
To them, and all their practices and tricks have seen.
Jem. Some take great houses, build, and dash away,
On large brass plates "Professor", they display,
But sometimes move this side of quarter day;
His pupils and subscribers then in vain
May call him rogue, but never will obtain
Their money back; the great professor's off,
And at their weak credulity does scoff.
Those simple people often to their cost,
Find out too late their time and money's lost.
Bel. It serves those people right, who to fresh places,
Will always run, because there are new faces.
Jem. These teachers have another trick, which they
Upon inquiring strangers often play:
They purchase worn-out shoes3434. The author who was once noticing the great number of old shoes on a bench in a room of a pompons advertising teacher of dancing, was informed by the proprietor, that he had purchased a lot of them, as well as saved all those left by his pupils; and he referred to this collection as being a part only belonging to the numerous parties he taught (whenever inquiries were made as to the number of his pupils). of every kind,
And save all those their pupils leave behind,
Put them in heaps; or place them in a row,
Though old and torn, they serve to make a show
Of business: ask them what pupils they
Have got; they pointing to the shoes will say,
"Here, count their feet, you see I have a few
"Who practice hard; those shoes were lately new".
To find their wearers you would have no chance,
They are either dead, or have long ceased to dance.
Bel. I've seen this trick played off, by one you know,
Who only first commenced three months ago,
Jem. To pass for what they're not is their intent,
But nothing do without a precedent;
One step alone these teachers dare not go,
As they have no genius of their own to show,
But wait till others publish something new,
Then word for word, and step for step pursue;
They on those masters must attendance dance;
They follow close, but dare not one step-advance;
They send forth works on dancing3535. The author considers he has himself some right to complain of this practice, having found that most of his works on dancing have been plundered very unmercifully by some of these great professors, who, as servile copyists, endeavour to become author, thinking to derive advantage, as well as popularity, by unfairly availing themselves of the labours of others. stole from those
They imitate, and strenuously oppose;
To hide their thefts, they change the form and style
Of the original, their readers to beguile,
Transpose the matter, to evade the law,
If sued for plagiarism, to find a flaw.
From books and bills these teachers feel no shame
To copy all, except the author's name.
But have not conscience to admit the same;
Like hardened thieves, the truth they will conceal,
And only at the rack, own what they steal,
They prior dates and borrowed titles try,
To gull the town, and claim priority:
For their own thefts they no compunction feel,
But caution others, not from them to steal;
If you examine what these poachers claim,
You'll find the author bear another name,
Yet blacking-makers like, bid you beware,
Of imitators, and of spurious ware;
From Day and Martin they their cautions take,
Though trite, they hope they may impression make;
Like Warren and Dyson, these professors cry,
"Be sure you ask for – when you buy".
Comparisons are sometimes odious found,
So these professors their own trumpet sound;
To puff themselves these teachers feel no shame,
So recommend whatever bears their name,
And slander all of whom they've ever heard,
But for themselves they have their own good word:
In bills and puffs they all devices try,
And print in red and blue to catch the eye:
In hucksters shops, on walls, and posts you find,
Their spacious bills of fare of every kind;
They think if they could echo through the town
Their names, it would stamp them teachers of renown.
Bel. I've often heard what there's no room to doubt,
The greatest blockhead makes the greatest rout,
And by his noise the fool is oft found out.
Jem. I hope that may occur to those
Whom we Allude to, – that would satisfaction be,
And save the public from those great impostors,
Who only bear the name of dancing masters;
Hoping with consequence their names to grace,
They oft before them several initials place,
As G. M. S. and R. M. D.3636. G. M. S. and R. M. D. See their bills and placards. Some of these piratical authors not content with quietly stealing the essence out of other works, by which they might sometimes avoid detection, seem to resemble cats, who are often detected by the noise they make over their ill-gotten prey.; likewise
Three notes of admiration meet your eyes,
Just like a Spanish prince3737. This was really the case with a Spanish prince, who actually had fifty-two real and assumed names.These professors give their own names not only to particular dances, but to steps, tunes, &c., of whom I've heard,
Who had fifty names most pompous and absurd;
Their egotism is visible to all,
For every thing by their own names they call,
The dances, steps, and tunes, they always name
From their dear selves, for to preserve their fame;
Some make low terms, and think they'll numbers gain,
Others strive hard, high prices to obtain,
And think the price will show the teacher's fame,
And 'mongst the great, disseminate his name;
It is not the money they extort alone,
From pupils I complain of, but you must own,
They teach them methods which can't be removed;
Try one of them, the truth will soon be proved,
How they're imposed on, pupils soon may know,
If they to some good able teacher go,
Who will at once the contrast clearly show.
Another system they pursue for gain,
And advertise in order to obtain,
Apprentices3838. This project has been very successfully tried by some of those advertisers, as many parents have found out to their cost, who, after having paid considerable sums of money by way of premiums, find their childrens' time has been lost, and that to qualify them for the pro fession, they must be put under other masters., with premiums, and engage
To qualify them for the ball or stage;
Though they've no talent to fulfil the task
They undertake, yet they great premiums ask;
When gained, the pupil may instruct himself,
The master's objects, to obtain the pelf;
Should any dance be advertised that's known3939. Any person may ascertain the truth of this observation. No sooner does any dance appear (whoever may be the inventor) than it is advertised as correctly taught by a host of these pretenders, although known to them only by name.
To the inventor, and to him alone,
Teachers, like these, no sooner hear the name,
But they will advertise to teach the same.
They say, it will show they have professional skill,
And make a leading feature in their bill4040. These great professors, like many strolling players, are more careful in making out a bill of fare, than of performing its contents.;
Should you to them to learn these dances go,
Or others advertised, which they don't know,
They something of their own will substitute,
Just as occasion or convenience suit;
Or swear these dances were by them composed,
And run the risk of being by you exposed.
Should you detect the cheat you may complain,
But it will not get your money back again;
They're silly elves who think they will recover;
When fools bethink themselves, the market's over.
Refunding is what these teachers don't profess,
That is a virtue which but few possess;
They're not so conscientious as to go
At midnight, through a bitter frost and snow,
To make amends to those who may complain,
And willingly give money back again;
If in the balance there was fairly laid.
Their honour, and their grace, and both were weighed,
The difference then you hardly would discern,
As it would be doubtful which the scale would turn;
Respecting grace, observe I am not confined,
In my remarks to graces of the mind.
It is thought by some that dancing masters are
For grace and etiquette beyond compare,
And that their pupils in the same do share,
Strangers mistake, for great professors, now
(That's some of them) can hardly make the bow;
For grace and etiquette are things which they
Have never taught, or learnt beyond hearsay;
To good behaviour some have no pretence,
Much less to etiquette, to grace, or sense.
An instance of it shall be plainly shown,
In a professor to the town well known;
He's one of those self-titled modest race.
Whose want of talents proves no want of face:
This great professor lately at a fair,
Was dancing at a booth4141. This alludes to one of those sapient teachers, who writes "professor" on his door, who only a short time ago went to amuse himself at one of the dancing booths at Peckhamfair, where, forgetting that title new profession imposed on him the manners of a gentleman, he rudely insulted a lady, while at tea. She remonstrated with him on the impropriety of his conduct, as did the master of the booth, who, finding remonstrance only produced increased arrogance, became so enraged, that he was obliged to give the professor himself a lesson, not composed of graceful minuet steps, but of certain, violent, straight forward, kicking movements, which compelled him sore against his will, to make an ill-timed hasty chassee towards the door and thence suddenly a disgraceful exit, amongst the crowd, to the no small entertainment of the company and fiddlers at the ball, by many of whom he was well known. This anecdote was related to the author by an eye-witness to this transaction. (no matter where)
When he forgetting etiquette and grace,
Was by the master kicked from out the place;
It was not in motions, graceful, soft, and slow,
Performed, as Vestris would have raised his toe;
These movements were not in the waving line,
Of beauty, gentle, soft, and serpentine;
For they not only wanted ease and grace,
But were applied all to a nameless place;
No stings of conscience did the sutler feel,
Though the professor cried – "it was ungenteel":
The cause was this, so void of grace was he,
He dared insult a lady while at tea;
Remonstrance was in vain, he bounced and swore,
But got chastised, and put without the door.
The fiddlers laughed at his disgrace with all.
That had assembled at this shilling ball:
To know his name, inquiry went about,
The band, who knew him, let the secret out;
Nor did they fail to mention his profession,
They being indignant at his rude aggression.
Bel. I heard some persons once this tale relate,
But really thought they did exaggerate.
Jem. It is true, depend on it, for it came to me,
From one that played there, who the whole did see;
Yet this professor teaches, as I'm told,
This polite art to young and sometimes old;
But read his bills, and see what there's professed,
And if you knew what dancing he possessed,
A great professor is easy made, you'd own,
For he's one made by impudence alone4242. One of these sapient teachers once put forth a pompous advertisement, in which he proposed to give instruction to professors, amateurs, and others, in any department of dancing; and particularly all the most fashionable departments, including a new species invented by the author of this (work, and which he hopes he shall not incur the charge of egotism in observing, was then known only to himself and pupils, his system of dancing not being then published.) This induced two of his apprentices, just out of their time, to call on this great professor, in order to ascertain how it was possible for him to teach a dance known to him only by name. The professor. without hesitation, undertook to qualify them, and received money of them for that purpose, when an unlucky accident occurred which deprived them of the pleasure of seeing how he would have fulfilled his engagements, for on going into the practice room where they were invited, it being either a practice or ball-night, they were both known by one of the company; it was soon whispered round, who they were? The professor became alarmed and confused, and begged them to take back their money, as he heard they were teachers. This they refused, and called on him to fulfil what he had undertaken, repeating the words of his advertisement: "Professors, amateurs, &c. instructed". This, however, had no effect on the professor, who could not be prevailed on to impart his knowledge; and what he was able to teach to other professors has never yet been known..
Bel. What sort of people go to this strange clown?
They must be fools, and strangers to the town;
Like the good neighbours in Ben Jonson's play4343. The alchemist.,
They scarce know what they hear, or see, or say.
Jem. There's some of each no doubt with others blended,
Who are grown too old in folly to be mended;
And many instances of this appears,
As wisdom sometimes don't keep pace with years.
Bel. How can he find so many fools to go,
To learn of one who does so little know?
Jem. There's fools in plenty in the town they say,
And fresh cart loads to town come every day.
These teachers fish for fools, for all agree,
That fools believe in all they hear or see.
Bel. Those we call fools, if asked, no doubt, will say,
That we are now much greater fools than they;
For self-opinion with our pride combined,
Too often makes us to our interest blind;
Of want of judgement, few themselves suspect,
And our own errors we too late detect.
Jem. That's true, no doubt, but nature has, you'll find,
To our own faults made us completely blind;
For nature plants in every human breast,
A notion they are wiser than the rest;
Each calls his neighbour fool, but will not own,
That he, himself, is dull or stupid grown:
The sorriest sots, nay, the most abject tools,
Will often call the privy council fools.
No mortal can be found, however dull,
That will admit he has an empty scull.
Bel. To every rule exceptions do abound,
And in opinion there's great difference found;
For some would venture where a saint would dread.
Jem. Yes; "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread";
These are the guests these teachers strive to gain,
Who may be cheated, and will not complain;
They send their schemes, their puffs, and bills of fare,
Throughout the town, north, east; nay, every where.
Some to the public papers are confined,
But they are puffers of the self same kind;
Their terms4444. It has long been the practice of certain professors to engage to complete persons of any age, in any department of dancing in six lessons; but others have lately considerably improved, even upon this concise system, and undertake to teach, in a week's time, and in three lessons. are low – a week some say is all
You need attend, to fit yon for a ball.
Others more bold, who, "in three lessons" say
They'll make a novice dance and grace display,
Kind, clever souls! to save our time and purses!
Bel. You mean such quacks well merit kicks and curses.
Jem. some go to those who most professions make;
These teachers first do this, the money take;
When that's received, their pupils soon discern,
More money's wanted if they mean to learn:
Should they refuse, and say they're taken in,
Still fresh believers come, and there begin;
However, dull, these teachers all agree,
In any dance you shall completed be,
And for one guinea only, that is all,
You need expend to fit you for a ball;
Should you have doubts, and say, great time it would take
Before you could a graceful dancer make;
To sooth your fears these teachers will foretell4545. The teachers here alluded to, not only promise to compleat the pupil, old or young, whoever they may be, in any department of dancing, for one guinea, but have likewise the sagacity to be able to tell, to a lesson, when pupils will dance well. This seldom, or never exceeds half a dozen lessons.,
(Even to a minute) when you shall dance well;
They name what lessons pupils ought to take,
Engage that number will good dancers make;
(And what's more cheering) they the number fix,
And for completion, too! and that's but six!
It, matter not who goes, the same they're told,
Should they be either stupid, stiff, or old.
Bel. Those with six lessons, every one must own,
Are only fit to jump about alone;
For should they e'er to public dances go,
They must make sport for those who dancing know;
I have known some persons fifty lessons take;
Who even then did sorry dancers make;
When pupils have six lessons had do they,
Engage again, or do they go away?
Jem. Some in those lessons find they have been cheated,
As with six lessons they are not half completed.
Bel. What, says the master, when they plainly show,
They've had six lessons and the dance don't know?
Jem. These great professors then to save their fame,
Will on their pupils always lay the blame;
"Then you must have another course (they say),
Or else your time and money's thrown away.
It is found these courses oft must be repeated,
Before the pupils in the dance completed;
Experience then will whisper in their ear,
That in the end they have bought cheap dancing dear.
Bel. Surely completion4646. The author is of opinion, with Belinda, on the subject o f completion, and in his engagements with his pupils, generally allows a year for that purpose, (if necessary,) never yet having had the good fortune to meet with such apt pupils as could acquire perfection in six lessons. means when you well know,
The dance you're learning, and can plainly show,
That you the steps and figures well combine;
Can execute and show the whole design;
Till then, and not till then, can pupils be
Completed does their completion then agree
With this? have pupils, too, the privilege shown
To practice, till their dances are well known?
Jem. That is a privilege quite to them unknown.
Bel. Then when completions urged, pray, what defence
Have these professors, and what's their pretence?
Jem. They blame the pupils, say, "they've hundreds taught,
And in six lessons to perfection brought";
In fact, their methods never fail, when they
(The pupils) practice, and attention pay:
They'd mention pupils names, if, you insisted,
As living proofs (who never yet existed).
Completion's by them managed in this way,
Beyond six lessons you again must pay;
They, by this practice, many guineas gain,
Which by fair dealings, they would never obtain.
Bel. What plan, what means, do these quack teachers try,
When they at first commence how do they supply
Their rooms with company, as they're unknown,
And have no reputation with the town?
Jem. To fill their rooms and make a specious show.
They tickets send to all the girls they know4747. These professors of dancing in order to fill their rooms, and make a specious show of business, frequently issue out a number of invitation tickets undated and unlimited, as to the number of persons to be admitted, to be filled up for any number required by the person who received them from the professor; they are generally directed to be given to ladies for reasons above mentioned.;
Which will admit as many ladies more,
As choose to come, should it be half a score!
Welcome are all who come, there's no selection
For character, for morals, or connection;
As these are little niceties which they
Don't mind. Girls they must have, for girls they say,
Will men entice, and likewise make them stay;
It is men that they make pay, ladies they know
To balls without their purses often go.
With this in view, these teachers one and all,
Do visit every hop or public ball;
And tickets give to girls of every sort,
Who usually to common hops resort,
For they admit of guests of every, kind.
Bel. Then that explains how they such numbers find.
Jem. They all know well that human nature's frail,
And of her weakness do themselves avail;
That every one will at new conquests aim,
To feed their passion, or extend their fame:
Though often jilted, and though they complain
Of broken vows, yet still they'll try again.
Each sex, by turns, preponderates (they find),
Each has attractions of a different kind:
Sometimes the gentlemen attractive prove,
Sometimes the ladies have the power to move
The gentlemen for interest, or for love:
It is known each have magnetic powers, which they
As suits their purposes bring into play;
That either interest or inclination
Is prominent in every rank and station;
For many a man to meet a girl will go
To balls; and girls in hopes to gain a beau,
And this these teachers by experience know;
Besides, that dancing's a pretext to see
The favourite Mister A---, or else Miss B---,
These rooms are places made for assignation.
Bel. To see it wants but little penetration,
I wish to know when schools they chance to gain,
How these quack teachers there themselves maintain.
Jem. When they teach schools, which sometimes is the case,
The school as well as pupils they disgrace,
By teaching what they'd be ashamed to show,
If they did well the art of dancing know.
Bel. How do such teachers e'er get boarding schools,
As they are seldom kept by simple fools?
But well experienced persons who have seen,
The world, and some have dancing-teachers been.
Jem. These teachers on expedients all rely,
And oft successfully this project try,
They hire a chaise and servant for the day,
And never fail a livery to display;
Then drive to every school around the town,
And give out cards as teachers of renown;
To pass for masters who've acquired some fame,
They often change4848. Of these practices, several eminent teachers have complained to the author, who is in possession of several instances where this expedient has been resorted to, to the injury of able masters, as already mentioned in page 10., and so transpose their name;
To point on it who they are by their address,
Some secret magic power you must possess;
If they're employed it is ten to one the case,
But their exposure prove the schools disgrace;
With plain fair dealing they are not content,
But try by every means to circumvent
Great masters, or those teachers of repute,
With whom they've the assurance to dispute
For precedence; but when compared with those
Established able teachers whom they oppose,
The difference is as great, say what you please
You can't be wrong, if you say "chalk to cheese";
Yet they to schools and families will go,
Propose to teach at prices far below
The usual charge, in hopes they may obtain
By cheapness what their merit never could gain:
They know that governesses and masters are
Anxious for profit, and but seldom care
Who teach their schools, provided they agree
For every pupil taught to give a fee;
Or poundage, called allowance; out of each
And every pupil they may have to teach;
Long credit too, they know will oft prevail,
Where talent and where genius often fail:
These are proposals which these teachers make:
With these inducements schools for interest sake
Oft change their masters, and their schools disgrace,
By giving quacks an able teacher's place:
If they can't thus succeed, another aim
They take; it is to traduce the teacher's fame;
To calumny they then resort, to gain
What they by merit never could obtain;
With innuendos of "what people say",
They strive to get their teachers turned away;
They know that scandal often will prevail,
Where justice, truth, and honesty will fail;
A teacher's character at schools, they know,
Should be as chaste and pure as driven snow;
From schools a teacher they will oft dismiss,
From hearsay stories told of that or this;
Time's scarcely given for faults to be detected,
Like Caesar's wife they must not be suspected:
In continence, loose morals, and the like
In any teacher, would with horror strike
The prudish governess, whose pupils are
To these instructors mostly sent for care:
As well as education, for parents say,
"To school we'll send them out of all harms way".
I mean those schools that educate the fair,
Whom governesses know are brittle ware.
Bel. But, hold! Jemima, recollect, my dear,
We're wandering from our subject, and I fear
We have digressed, till I've lost my way.
Jem. What most digressors do, I've oft heard say.
Bel. Oh! now I recollect it was teachers you
Were then describing, and had brought to view
Some practices that were to me quite new.
Jem. Upon that subject I could much more say,
Which I'll explain upon some future day;
I recollect a circumstance or two,
Though strange, yet I can vouch they're likewise true.
They may be trifles, but perhaps you'll say,
They're not those trifles we should throw away.
To other plans this project some will join,
In hopes to gain a casual glass of wine;
Hang up some old cocked hat4949. This was actually the case with one of these teachers of dancing who used to hang up an old cocked hat, in a conspicous part of the room, and whoever took it off the nail was obliged to pay the forfeit of a bottle of wine, which the teacher took care to inforce for the sake of partaking of it. If complaint was ever made of the want era proper notice, he used to refer to one placed purposely in an obscure part of the room, which none could find without a guide., or so, that they
May make the wearer for a bottle pay;
Establish fines, but place the cautions where
They can't be seen, to catch you in a snare.
Bel. These practices are pitiful and mean,
And in the ball-room never should be seen;
Are only fit for public houses, where
The lowest sots the lowest habits share.
Jem. One, showman like, with challenges abounds,
"Will dance a hornpipe for a hundred pounds5050. The professor's bill contains the following challenge: "Mister T– will, by particular desire, dance his celebrated hornpipe, and is ready to dance the same against any other man in the profession for one hundred guineas". The author fears that in adhering to his uniform practice of withholding the parties name, he shall disoblige this professor, whose great object appears to be notoriety; but should it be requisite will, in a future edition, give all the publicity in his power to the name and pretensions of this redoubtable challenger.",
With any one who dare contest his skill.
Bel. I have read professor's challenge in his bill.
Jem. This great professor, any one would swear,
Has copied Saunders at Bartholomew fair;
Or from some fire-eater stole his plan,
Or mountebank, or hocus-pocus man,
Who all give challenges on which they'd bet,
The sum's no matter, say, the national debt;
For these buffoons know, when the bet's proposed,
They run but little risk of being opposed;
And should that happen, as perhaps it may,
Then comes the rub, how can you make them pay?
For who would wager with a mail of straw,
Too slippery to be held by any law;
But surely the professor never reflected,
When he this showman's trite device selected.
Forgot that any reputable man,
Would be ashamed to act upon this plan.
Professor must to erase this stigma go,
To prove he never dances at a show;
Quack doctor like, to mansion-house to swear
"That he is not a dancer at a fair";
Fifty professors5151. The professor "hopes to count fifty or sixty professors of dancing in the front of the house." See his bill, in which he states, "a further bill, three yards long, would be requisite to describe all particulars". he invokes to see
His matchless prowess and great ability.
To show the town they'll have a monstrous treat,
"His bill of fare's to measure full nine feet".
Like strolling hucksters who, to make you buy
Their damaged ware, "good lumping pennyworth's" cry;
This sage professor puffs himself so well,
No bottle conjurer can't him excel.
Bel. Whatever he says, from this there's no retreating,
Folks always prove the pudding by the eating;
This tap-room challenger I hope will see
The folly of his inconsistency,
And leave long bills and challenges to those
Shameless buffoons you see at penny shows;
To those who read, this may, like Turner's5252. Turner, the blacking-maker, in order to show the superior qualify of his blacking, has introduced into his bills, prints, representing a man's having himself by a well shined boot, instead of a dressing-glass, and a cat alarmed at the reflection of her own image in another boot of brilliant polish. blacking,
Reflect professor's face, and cure his cracking.
Another dancing anecdote I've heard,
Which, although true, is equally absurd;
It is of a great professor, that's well known,
Who styles himself inferior to none;
Yet, if a stranger come, who can dance well,
Professor, for this crime, would him expel.
Bel. Ability, a crime by whom recorded?
Talent, I have heard, should always be rewarded.
Jem. So, I've been taught, but this imposing wight,
Sees pupils talents in another light;
He knows comparisons are odious things,
Which often to disgrace one party brings;
This the professor dreads, for, strange to tell!
It is only Tyros whom he can excel;
And even by those he has incurred disgrace,
As they've exposed professor to his face,
Before his pupils at --- place.
Bel. A circumstance, like this, I lately heard,
Am anxious now to know how it occurred.
Jem. I'll tell you as I heard it, word for word,
How the professor to disgrace was brought,
And by what means in his own trap was caught,
It was by a tyro5353. The above circumstance is stated on the authority of the pupil himself, from whom the author has received a long letter on the subject, with liberty to communicate the party's names and all particulars of the transaction., who, by chance went there,
Attracted by professor's bill of fare,
Who told professor, heed some lessons had;
But really feared that he danced very bad.
Quack doctor like, professor shook his head,
Cried, "It would be well if half who taught were dead;
Depend, on it, sir, if you one guinea pay,
You in quadrilles shall ease and grace display".
The tyro then was introduced to see
The great professor's rare ability;
He stalked about in such a pompous way,
Like a drum-major on a grand field day;
Then scraped his fiddle, cried, "this tune is new",
Gave B--- a step, found fault, cried "Sacre Dieu",
Boasted of numbers which he never had,
Cried, "Modern teachers now are very bad;
The public are of time and money cheated,
Their pupils come to me to be completed";
Then raised his toe, as if he dancing knew,
Not pointed, but just like a Chinese shoe:
Cried, "Look, sir, keep your feet upon the ground,
Now, chassez, and then pirouette quite round".
The tyro then complied, and strange to tell,
He did the great professor far excel,
Who felt it, cried, "Sit down, sir, very well!"
This was not all; the tyro plainly saw,
The great professor was a man of straw;
So asked him various questions on the art,
But heed no dancing knowledge to impart;
This proved him not quite what he had professed,
And showed him an impostor at the best:
His pupils saw at once they had been caught,
And asked the stranger where he had been taught;
These were strange sounds in our professor's ear,
Which he before had never been used to hear;
He seemed alarmed (for pupils talked together),
And restless grew like pigs in stormy weather,
Scraped his fiddle, cried "Order! keep your places",
However, respectful, none could keep their faces,
And some laughed loud, whilst others did proclaim,
"They'd found him out, and would expose his name",
They saw that some, who thither came to be
His pupils, knew of dancing more than he;
A novice might, they said, with ease discern,
He knew much less than some who came to learn;
Were you to see him hop about and play,
You'd really think, (I've heard his pupils say),
He was the Billy Waters5454. Billy Waters was a notorious street fiddler, who used to wear a feather in his hat, and dance to his own fiddling. of the day.
Bel. I am told his manners and his customs are,
Such as few gentlemen would chase to share;
For in his habits he's not very nice,
And disregards Lord Chesterfield's advice:
An instance of this I will here relate,
The truth of which I can substantiate;
In his academy, as you shall hear,
He'll challenge pupils without shame or fear,
To toss with him for ale, for gin, or beer.
Jem. He never can the gentleman pretend,
Whilst he to such low habits does descend;
One might suppose his pot companions were
Dustmen, or else low jugglers at a fair;
From such low habits, strangers would protest,
That Billy Waters must have been his guest;
That he from Smithfield had his manners brought,
Was by the flying pieman5555. The flying pie-man was a well known character, who used to go about With his pies, crying "hot! hot! hot!" and generally disposed of them by tossing with his customers. gambling taught.
Bel. Say. what they will, he has this consolation,
He yet may fill some low and grovelling station;
And with a feather in his hat he may
Like Billy Waters, in a tap-room play;
And hop about to please his wapping friends,
And cap in hand may make himself amends.
Jem. One of connection had some room to doubt,
And found his talents – would not bear him out;
To make amends, he on a project hit,
Though old and trite it savoured of his wit;
So hailed the thought, and cried – "this scheme will fit".
He knew John Bull's propensity for eating,
That some M. P's. had been returned through treating;
Likewise, that modern cits would now deny,
The conflagration came through gluttony;
Nor let the monument5656. It is hoped the citizens of London have now too much liberality to suffer their social comforts to be disturbed by the disgraceful inscription on the monument, attributing the burning of the city, in 1668, to the Roman Catholics. &c. &c. their peace destroy,
Nor take their cautions from the "Naked Boy5757. The figure of a naked boy was for many years placed outside a public house ("The Fortune of War"), in Giltspur-street, formerly Pie Corner, with an inscription, describing the extent, northward, of the fire of London, and attributing it to the sin of gluttony; this image was taken down some time ago by the late landlord, but has since been restored by desire of the corporation. It now, however, stands without the inscription, that being, perhaps, considered too severe a reflection on the civic propensity to good eating.",
Have struck out gluttony from civic sins,
And rather praise than punish greasy chins;
There's good examples furnished every day,
That cits would rather feast than fast and pray,
And risk their health and souls to share a feast,
And disregard the doctor and the priest; Of indigestion few would be afraid,
Or shun a feast where nothing's to be paid;
For abstinence is not the guiding star,
That's worshipped now eastward of Temple Bar;
From this he augured that a specious bill5858. A ball-bill has recently been put forth by the professor alluded to, (who has been before noticed), printed in a particular manner. The words "Supper, Gratis," very large. The following extract will show how ingeniously it is contrived for the purposes of deception.City of London tavern.Mister ---'s ball, February, 1824.The splendor will surpass any thing of the kind ever witnessed.The band will consist of violins, flutes, clarionets, serpents, violincellos, double bass's, &c. but neithersix harps,nortwo bands.Supper will be provided.Order of the dancing will be givengratis.,
Saying, "Supper, Gratis", might his ball-room fill.
So he puts out a pompous bill of fare,
Contrived in hopes the public to ensnare;
The interlines in type of smallest size,
"A Pearl", or "Diamond"5959. Pearl and Diamond are printers' technical names for very small, neat type., these blind lines supplies
His large lines were in type which you might read,
On foot or horseback at the swiftest speed;
The subjects he selects for catch lines are,
What Englishmen in general like to share.
Six harps and supper gratis catch he eye
In striking lines, on which he does rely;
Read all his bill, you'll find his specious treat is,
Only to give a card of dances gratis;
Those guests, who had, not read his bill with care.
And who thought they gratis should a supper share,
Found out, but not till they had supper taken,
That they too late his meaning had mistaken;
The waiter brought his bill, then, what dismay!
Deaf to excuse, the tavern made them pay,
Those short of cash, the shock severely felt,
And on professor lots of curses dealt;
Though all proclaimed it was a downright trick,
Yet none could even get a bite on tick;
In vain they did professor's conduct blame,
For he had long before been lost to shame.
Bel. From those who've learnt their manners at a fair,
To find just dealing all might well despair.
Jem. He's called by some the petty-fogging hopper.
Bel. His paltry conduct makes the name quite proper.
Jem. One great professor gives the town a treat,
In what he calls "a grand and annual fête6060. One sapient professor, who would be thought, a dealer in novelty, gave, what he Called a grand fête;" but either mistaking the meaning of the term, or wholly disregarding propriety the grand fête turned out to be nothing more than an every day ball.";
He thinks the title frenchified and grand,
That fools will praise what they don't understand,
That "ball" is now a hackneyed term to use,
That something new will strike, and fools amuse,
Care's not if he's consistent in his phrase,
Nor if his ball keep pace with what he says;
Like some professors who, to make a bounce,
Instead of ball6161. One modest professor, put out a pompous bill, announcing "A grand carnival", with all its various entertainments; but it turned out to be nothing more than a common hop; and the professor, as soon as he had taken the money at the door, decamped rather abruptly, leaving the proprietors of the room, the musicians, and the company to settle matters among themselves, and remember to their cost the grand carnival., a carnival announce.
Their carnival like our professor's treat,
Proves just the same in substance, a grand cheat.
The master of the ceremonies, I am told,
At this grand fête was only seven years old.
Bel. A child6262. A child of only seven years of age was actually appointed a master of the ceremonies, at this grand fête. Here is novelty with a vengeance?, of seven years old, that's very strange!
A child appointed dancing to arrange!
I have heard of lord's and bishops of that age,
But not directors for the ball or stage;
Professor's motives I've not heard you state,
Did it from vanity originate?
Jem. Whether from vanity, or for gain alone,
The child was-made director is unknown,
Professor's motives I have never heard.
Bel. Whatever the motives were, the things absurd,
Does he the duties of that office know?
Can he both etiquette and dancing show!
Jem. I am told professor did with care impart,
To this Beau Nash the secrets of his art;
All those who know professor will agree,
A learner soon would know as much as he;
If they tell true, whatever he may say,
Professor's quite an Eady6363. Eady, the most notorious quack doctor of the present in his way,
And of the quacks the greatest of the day.
Jem. Another teacher6464. The teacher alluded to, by resorting to the tricks of a juggler, has indeed the author reluctantly to notice him. It appears that (in imitation of the professor who challenged any one to dance a hornpipe with him for one hundred guineas (see page 35), the above teacher, as if resolving to go further, has challenged any one who dare to dance a minuet, in competition with him, for five hundred guineas. His conduct seems the more extraordinary, from his having always wished to be ranked with the first class of teachers, and reprobated the low devices of unfair practitioners. When asked his reasons for descending to this practice. he is said to have declared, "there was no living without it." What do Messrs. Byrne, Le Mercier, and Jenkins, and other eminent members of the profession say to this? who for years I've known,
And who I am now almost ashamed to own,
Has imitated those I've just exposed,
And for five hundred pounds he has proposed
To dance a minuet with those who dare;
But tell it not to Vestris or Albert;
Nor at those schools where our professors fame
Stands high, as such low tricks must sink his name,
And as a challenger bring loss and shame.
Bel. I've seen his bill, and know professor well,
His motives for it, he alone can tell,
How could he ever such vulgar notions know,
For he's above a dancer at a show.
Sure, our professor, if he had reflected.
Would have such folly in a trice rejected.
Jem. It is said he herds with some low challenge planners,
And such connection must corrupt his manners;
For with this axiom every one agrees,
"Sleep with the dogs and you must rise with fleas".
However foolish be the thing, some zany
Will do the like, and thus one fool makes many.
For many fools will every hazard run,
And never think until the deed is done.
Bel. I have been told he has been heard to say,
He cannot live in any other way.
If that's the case, he never must complain,
But be contented in Duke's Place to reign.
Jem. This showman's practice, though extended far,
Has not, thank Heaven, reached west of Temple Bar.
Bel. May these professors never west he seen,
But in the east for life do quarantine,
And keep such vulgar notions to amuse.
Butchers, sailors, wapping girls, and Jews.
Jem. One thought heed something monstrous advertise,
That should at once the gaping town surprise,
But never reflected on what there is no doubt,
That fools, like cats: are by their noise found out;
So sent out bills6565. The above sapient professor, published a bill ornamented with wood cuts of dancing attitudes, proposing to teach fifty-two divisions (not positions) of waltzing., with pictures placed on each,
That he would "fifty-two divisions teach
Of waltzing!!!" – Mark, the term division shows
The nature of the dance be little knows;
Division for position must be meant,
Professor knew no better, so it went.
Many believed these fifty-two divisions,
Were proof there were as many impositions;
Yet I have heard professor oft advancing,
Something about "philosophy of dancing6666. In order to make his knowledge of the art apparently the more profound; he is in the frequent habit in common conversation, of speaking of "the philosophy of "the philosophy of dancing".".
Perhaps he means to view with Boyle and Locke,
For of assurance he has an ample stock.
Bel. Credulity, itself, this thought would shock;
For would you judge his knowledge by his phiz
On old Lavater's rules; but I'll not quiz:
You'd say that if in print his work is found,
It must be sold to chandlers by the pound;
For all are not philosophers who write,
And ten will reason wrong to one that's right;
Sometimes the most absurd and trifling thing,
Will, into play, our thoughts and reason bring;
For, like old Shandy6767. See Sterne's Tristram Shandy. some philosophize
On Christian names and changes in cat's eyes.
There's many on philosophy, I've known,
Have wrote large tomes you'd be ashamed to own;
Though censured, scorn the judgement of the town,
And still write on, in hopes to gain renown;
Nothing too great, too foolish, or too dull,
For those who've little knowledge in their skull.
Some will a mop-stick gravely eulogize,
And on a broomstick quite philosophize;
But our professor's talent, I've heard say;
Is not where most philosophers does lay;
To show how our frail nature faults conceals,
He thinks his head's much better than his heels;
To prove his new philosophy, he may
Like Gall and Spursheim6868. Gall and Spursheim are celebrated crainologists., all his art display
And publish, too; in hopes to gain éclat,
On subjects dancers value not a straw.
Bel. Lest this might raise the price of pens and paper,
O, Terpsichore! let him do nought but caper.
Jem. There's one professor6969. This sapient professor (who is also alluded to in several other parts of this work), issues invitation cards, with portraits of himself and wife, in manner above described; and in order to outdo his peddling competitors in the art of collecting a company, who generally fix the night of admission on their tickets, he, in order to avoid the mishaps and accidents by flood and field, gives tickets for as many as required, undated, the night being left to the parties convenience. Generous soul! But not a word about hats, clocks, refreshments, &c., a good loving soul,
(Who on his card with wife sits cheek by jowl);
To make folks think he might have come from France,
Has called his dancing-room "une salle de danse".
To fill it, and to make a specious show,
Will tickets gratis give to all that go;
And for as many friends you choose to take,
Be who they may will no objection make;
Fixes no night, that's left ad libitum,
Either next week, or else a month to come.
Not only may you dance without expense,
But, mark me! go at your convenience;
Hear this ye teachers of repute, and own;
Is not such dancing now a nuisance grown?
Yet he'll maintain his company's select,
And even restrictive niceties affect;
Like some great judges who pretend to cry,
When they condemn poor sorry souls to die.
I shall digress, unless with special care,
As I've a clue will lead me God knows where;
But I'll return, and leave such things to those,
Who books on jurisprudence can compose;
To those who know how guests find entrance there,
You might as well tell them (I must compare), —
Of Algar's7070. Algar, is the keeper of a noted dancing booth, with which he attends the fairs, in the vicinity of the metropolis. select ball at Peckham-fair:
That he's a quack, to prove it I am ready,
And, amongst dancers, quite a Dr. Eady.
Some, on house-lops, like rival hosiers, write
Their names and calling, in red, black, and white;
They've none of those genteel retiring ways,
That dancing masters had in former days;
But thrust themselves so on the public eye,
The wonder and the scoff of passers by;
A race that none did e'er professors call,
Until the painter wrote it on the wall;
Who were before (amongst millions) lost in trade,
And were professors by the painter made;
Not like some artists who make long probation,
In hopes to gain the public approbation,
And who have rigid censors had to please,
But our professors differ wide from these,
For painter gives them title and degrees;
However this might shock our predecessors,
A pound of paint now makes some great professors.
Bel. There's some professors think variety
And sounding names gain notoriety;
Like linen-drapers give their house a name,
No matter what, from whence, or how it came;
Propriety and reason here give way
To folly and the fashion of the day.
There's many who have no merit of their own,
Trust to the credit of the house alone;
Like lottery agents, who, to make fools buy;
Write "lucky corner", and invite to try,
As "that's the lucky house once kept by Guy;
And our professors imitate the same,
And have through folly, or in hopes of fame,
Given their modern houses each an ancient name;
Their names were quite unknown three years ago,
They with professors came, with them they'll go;
How ancient or appropriate I would fain,
Here leave the antiquarian to explain:
Thus modern structures with old titles rise,
Norton and Aldgate Houses meet your eyes:
Here two professors live, by bills well known,
If not the best, the noisiest in the town.
Some think them skilled in antiquarian lore,
That they have Speed and Stow read over and over,
And know all ancient places in the town
When built, who dwelt there, and of what renown,
Can prove the site where these professors dwell,
Has been as famous as Saint Ronan's well;
If Whittington, Wat Tylor, or Jack Straw,
Had e'er been there to give the place éclat.
Jem. I am told that our professors seldom read,
Have never seen the works of Stow or Speed;
And if they have, they've only turned theta through,
That they, like children, might the pictures view;
To find their houses or their names in Stow,
You've little chance, as I can plainly show;
For they are by professors both baptised,
If inappropriate, pray don't he surprised;
For the great sapient teachers of our days,
Have none of Mister Shandy's cautious ways,
Who cried all names by dictionaries and grammars,
And weighed them as Pythagoras7171. Pythagoras, the celebrated philosopher, is said to have discovered and regulated musical tones, by striking hammers, of various weights, on an anvil. did his hammers,
To find a name that had both sound and sense;
But these are matters of no consequence
To our professors; the painter did, no doubt,
In this grave matter help their genius out;
They tried in vain, could nothing better meet,
So named their houses after the next street7272. This is actually the case. The professors, above alluded to, not choosing to name their houses from the streets in which they are situate, as not being of sufficient consequence, have taken the titles from the next streets, videlicet Norton Falgate and Aidgate..
This shows at once their genius and their hate,
From envy they each other imitate:
If one should something new or foolish try,
Like yelping ours all follow in the cry;
For each professor with his brother vies,
And some strange nonsense one or both supplies;
And should the mania last, we soon shall see,
That teachers will, as fools, unrivalled be.
There's yet one more, but he's beneath contempt.
Bel. Who is he? Come. There's none should be exempt.
For you well know the most important things,
Like mighty rivers, come from trifling springs;
From mean and trifling things to our surprise,
We often see important matters rise;
The greatest good and evil felt by men,
Have been produced by moving of a pen.
And every day mean trifling things, we see,
As well as beings, gain notoriety;
Read how inquiring Shandy's7373. Videlicet Tristram Shundy. fancy itches,
When he's in search of Christian names and breeches.
Though these are trifles to some men of letters,
To Mister Shandy they were weighty matters;
So may what you call trifles prove to be
Of consequence and interest to me:
So who and what he is I fain would know.
Jem. But he is quite the lowest of the low,
And technically called "a man of dough7474. A journeyman, baker has lately become a professor of dancing, and teaches at public houses. His terms are only sixpence each lesson; but, in addition, each of his pupils must pay for a pot of porter, by way of remuneration to the landlord of the house for the use of the room.".
Bel. No matter who, or what he is, for all
Such teachers are fair game, both great and small.
Jem. This strange professor has another trade,
Not only steps, but rolls by him are made:
When he's disposed of his dead men he goes
From dough and raspings to turn out his toes;
His dancing room, termed "his academy".
At some low public house is said to be;
His terms are sixpence for a step, but they,
Who learn must for a pot of porter pay
The landlord to renumerate; what's spent
Is all he has in lieu of weekly rent.
Bel. Such teachers and their plans I reprobate,
Their practices bad morals inculcate,
Encourage drinking and late hours in those,
Who this professor's company compose.
What, and who next, will dancing masters be?
The like of this you'll surely never see.
Jem. One for a guinea tells you in his bills7575. The professor alluded to with the hope of forcing trade, but apprehending that his circulars, with the above terms, might not be taken in, has resorted to the expedient of putting them underneath doors, into letter boxes, down areas, and under knockers; he is, however, less equivocal and more liberal than his competitors, for he specifies the quantity of dancing for one guinea; but where he finds pupils capable of learning three sets of quadrilles, with suitable steps, in six lessons, the author is at a loss to know.,
He'll teach three sets with steps of new quadrilles;
They're dropped down areas, and crammed under doors,
And even sent to first and second floors;
Each knocker's loaded-house by house he'll take,
Like overseers, who parish levies make;
Each letter box at inns of court he'll cram,
To gain a pupil risk old red tail's d---n,
Who takes it up, conceives it smells of law,
And little dreams it is from a man of straw,
Believes it is business, plea, or proposition,
(Whose itching palm can't brook the imposition);
But when he finds a dancer's card, his ire
Is so increased, he crams it in the fire,
Lest clerks take steps, and dance with office fees,
And fall to serve their notices and pleas.
One hopes the public notice to engage,
And represents his ball-room on the stage;
From Tom and Jerry7676. Tom and Jerry, a well-known dramatic melange (performed at several of the minor theatres) in which is given a scene of the ball room at Almacks. takes the hint, where you
May in one scene famed Almack's' ball-rooms view.
Bel. If this was the spontaneous act of those
Who managed the concern, you might suppose
That our professor's noted in the town,
And, with his room, had long acquired renown.
Jem. Aye, that indeed! – but it was to make a hit,
Painted for our professor's benefit —
For managers are not so philanthropic
As some suppose, but rather philosophic,
And only foster merit, when it is plain
That by their patronage they are sure to gain;
He thinks, poor soul! his room with Almack's' vies,
And on his name, though little known, relies;
Thinks "elegant", a captivating phrase,
And "room", instead of "dancing", he displays.
Bel. He vie with Almack's! – nay, he can as soon
Tell us who teaches dancing in the Moon;
And try Pslenogistic knowledge to impart,
And prove Gruithusien7777. Gruithusien, a learned German astronomer, who pretends to have discovered not only walls and roads in the moon, but also the visible traces of cultivation, &c. a tyro in his art.
Jem. All strive, but few can any fame command,
For she deals honours with a sparing hand;
But our professors do not wait for fame,
With her slow cautious steps to gild their name;
But take a quicker and a shorter way,
And of themselves print what they'd have folks say.
These teachers here remind us of the ass7878. For further elucidation of this subject, see the table of the Lap-dog and the Ass.,
Who thought he could for a great favourite pass;
So, when he saw his master fondle pug,
Grew quite conceited, brayed, and gave a shrug,
Thought heed be fondled too, and so he jumped,
Into his master's lap, but got well thumped
For his presumption; and was heard to say,
"All are not favourites who can kick and bray".
And lectured well his long – eared generation,
To rest contented in their lotted station.
Bel. You'll find assuming fools will soon or late,
For their presumption meet the ass's fate.
Jem. Lest he should suffer by ambition's curse,
I'll one more fable in his ears rehearse;
It is one of Æsop's and God knows how old,
And often has been read and often told;
But though its been so often told before,
It suits me now to tell the tale once more,
As there's a fear that our professor may
Not hear of it in any other way;
For I've been told that many dancers are
Too proud to read, too idle to compare;
And, like some monarchs, every thing disdain,
But what brings pleasure and produces gain;
Some are desirous to obtain cock's eggs,
And wonder cats scratch chair and table legs;
In one I'm told a curious taste prevails,
For counting spots in tabby Tom cat's tails7979. Such frivolity and trifling as above alluded to, may perhaps appear to the general reader to be mere poetic fiction, but are nevertheless true. Were it consistent with the author's plan to divulge names, he could relate some anecdotes which he thinks would impress the public with a still meaner opinion of the intellect of some professors or artists, as they now call themselves.;
A straw, a feather, will these wights amuse,
For which they'll Pope and Addison refuse;
Yet some have books, and they are placed to show,
That they of classic knowledge something know,
And with their books, they sometimes globes combine,
Though their poor noddles don't contain one line:
Nor can they tell you one celestial sign;
But our professor I should hope to find
Is not like those, but of a different kind;
And trust that he without reluctance will
Read and explain it, like a new quadrille;
I'll now relate the subject of the fable,
In my own way as well as I am able:
An envious, proud, ambitious frog, one day,
Unto his brother croakers thus did say,
"You see that ox that's feeding in the field,
To him for size I'll die before I yield".
So he began to strain himself, and tried
To stretch his skin, so burst himself and died.
Let those who're in a hurry to be great,
Remember this ambitious croaker's fate;
And let his fate the vain and foolish teach,
To aim at nothing placed beyond their reach.
Experience shows us that folks great and small
Who over-reach themselves, do mostly fall.
Our dusting hero, I forgot to say8080. Some account is given in pages 13, 14, of the same party.,
Has lately made another grand display
Of his dear phiz in lithographic print,
As like as portraits issued from the mint;
And from his mouth a cheering sentence flies,
Which dustmen would apply and dustmen prize;
From "All-max", east, or "Back slums8181. Low scenes in "Tom and Jerry"." in the south,
He brought the sentence just to suit his mouth;
Though it is not what Lord Chesterfield would use,
Yet it is is keeping with Bob's taste and views;
And well accords with what he's used to hear,
And, as he has it, "will the coveys queer".
Judge of the sentence, then, for here it is,
"Here's luck, your honour". Pray now do not quiz;
For he don't know he sins against the graces,
Although he has done it, aye, in fifty places.
Bel. O, Terpsichore! forgive our dusting friend,
And grant him grace, perhaps he may amend.
Jem. There's one thing more important to relate,
Which I, till now, did quite forget to state,
That dusty Bob may in your memory live,
With every ticket sold a print they give.
Bel. This must be (or his motive I mistake),
Are show a teacher can a dustman make;
Hear this ye connoisseurs, and come and buy,
The like will never more be seen, rely;
For he, like dirty Dick8282. "Dirty Dick" was the name bestowed on an eccentric character, wire some years ago, kept a warehouse for ironmongery, &c. in Leadenhall-street., does all excel,
Nor shall we ever see his parallel.
On some established room that bears a name8383. Not only have some modern teachers abridged and altered their names, as alluded to in page 10, to make the same as those of established masters; but some have been even induced to become teachers only from the accidental circumstance of their names being the same, hoping thereby to profit, on account of the established fame of others.,
Some teachers do completely hinge their fame.
Some have become professors in the town,
Because they'd names like teachers of renown8484. Some whose names happen to be the same as the professors of certain celebrated rooms, have endeavoured to identify themselves therewith in public opinion, and induce the public to come to them whom they never have been accused of undeceiving.,
They're like those authors (named by Hogg and Co.8585. Hogg and Co. were publishers of books in weekly numbers, which, though generally the worst works of the kind, were always announced in the most pompous manner as by an author of some established name.)
Whose name is all the public of them know,
Who learn a little dancing just to say
They're dancing masters and their name display;
Their bills are formed like the original,
And as to wording that's quite literal;
In every sense they closely imitate,
That none but dancers can discriminate
Which is the real and which is the imposter,
By this lives many a modern dancing master.
Great actions do not always emanate
From all who are called great men, as I can state;
Nor do great places always make great men,
As I could instance to you where and when,
As some who are called and think themselves quite great,
Would in the balance kick the beam for weight;
For some belonging to the opera-house,
Remind me of the mountain and the mouse8686. Vide, Æsop's Fables.;
It was noised throughout the world by friend and neighbour,
That the great mountains were at last in labour,
Curiosity then ran from house to house,
The wonder came, and lo! out crept a mouse!
"Great cry and little wool", they all exclaimed.
Thus the great talkers were then justly shamed,
The well known adage in this case goes home,
"Great words do often from weak stomachs come".
I could say more, but will some other day,
The actions of some opera mice display8787. The phrase "opera mice," does not allude to the first dancers, or to the liberal and honourable sons and daughters of Terpsichore, attached to that great theatre, (the wonder and delight of its visitors) but to some dancers belonging thereto, whose actions neither keep pace with their own words, nor with the size and creditor the establishment.Yet, notwithstanding, would not hesitate,And even their manager calumniateDid he refuse to listen to their suitFor orders, or to send a substitute,Or should refuse their salary to raise,Though they're not worth what he already pays.If he won't pay them when they say they're ill,Because he's read their names in play-house bill,And will not to their earnest prayers agree,And let them gain a double salary.If practices are long and ballets late,And payments distant, they won't hesitateTo "sacre Dieu" the whole concern, and sayThey'll leave, but mean not till they're turn'd away.
Jem. Others there are, whose plans are much the same,
As those professors whom you've heard me name;
Next time we meet, if you desire to know
Their practices, such documents I'll show,
As will expose such plans and tricks that you
Yet never heard, nor e'er were brought to view.
Bel. I shall, of all things, like to hear you state,
Their practices and all their tricks relate.
Lucy. Ladies, a gentleman has just come in,
He asked, "Who's here, and when we should begin".
Bel. Who can he be? Don't you his person know?
Lucy. He's strange to me; perhaps this card will show
His name, and residence, and business tell,
It from his pocket accidentally fell;
He swore he to his skin was quite wet through,
Shrugged up his shoulders, and cried "Sacre Dieu".
Bel. Some Frenchman by his shrugs and exclamation.
Jem. But our quack teachers imitate that nation,
In manners, dialect, and action too,
And all their curses end with "Sacre Dieu".
Bel. Come, let me look, who this fine spark can be.
Ha! ha! it is one who always speaks to me,
A quack professor, as you soon shall see,
It is that pragmatic Chassée, a disgrace
To dancing masters, and to every place
Where ever he presumes to show his face;
He only comes, I am certain with this view,
To give out cards8888. A common practice for these quack teachers to resort to dances and assemblies for the purpose of giving out cards for their own rooms and dances., or to learn something new
He's proud, affected, and a downright fop,
And talks in technic8989. A common phrase applied to those whose discourse is generally on the subject of their own business, profession, &c. phrases of his shop,
Shrugs and grimaces like the fops of France,
And calls himself "Un maitre de la danse".
Though all assumption, knows no more than they
Who go to learn, although he makes them pay.
Jem. I have seen this coxcomb, but he knows me not,
And to expose him, have just formed a plot;
If you'll assist me, I'll this very night,
Show this pretender in his real light.
Bel. In his exposure I shall take delight.
Jem. My plan is this, I must pretend to know
Nothing of dancing; then get him to show
His steps and style; I then before his face
The same will dance, and thereby him disgrace;
His gait and manners I will show likewise,
And all his borrowed steps will analyse,
And so exposed him that he dare not stay,
Though impudent I'll make him run away.
Chassée. Two ladies here! – Hey! – Who is that I see
Disguised; it is like Belinda. It cannot be.
Bel. Miss Jemima, Sir. – Mister Chassée, whose fame
You have no doubt heard full half the town proclaim.
Chassée. G. M. S. Chassée now I print my name.
Didn't I near Temple Bar Belinda meet?
Bel. I really, Sir, didn't know you in the street,
Your parson's hat and dress9191. The professor here alluded to, in order to render himself more conspicuous, used to wear a particular dress, and a clerical hat. to me were new,
And strange at first I could not believe it was you.
Chassée. That dress and hat are all my own design,
There's not another in the town like mine;
That is a proof of my ability,
My taste and my originality.
Bel. You're known for taste and singularity;
But, Mister Chassée, you really me surprise,
To see you here I scarce believe my eyes.
Chassée. Surprise is mutual, that I must confess,
To see Belinda here in such a dress!
Bel. I have motives for it, Sir. You must excuse
Me now, as it would confidence abuse.
Chassée. Pardon me, madam, I've no wish to pry
Into your motives, that you may rely.
Bel. Excuse me, now, perhaps before you go,
You may the object of my visit know.
My friend, this lady, hither came with me,
Accidentally a maiden aunt to see,
Who has apartments here: we stopped to tea:
While we were chatting – chanced to call,
And gave us each a ticket for the ball.
If I may now presume, your business is,
To show your style, and our new dances quiz.
Chassée. Their usual style's, most wretched, you must say,
Why my dog Towsor has more grace than they:
They've nothing here but dances I well know,
There's nothing new which they to me can show;
For teachers one and all now come to me,
When they the modern dances wish to see;
Yet with assurance they will oft propose
To teach, as theirs, the dances I compose.
Bel. I hear that several of them copy you.
Chassée. And by my merit live. Ah, Sacre Dieu!
Bel. They say that you're a teacher of renown.
Chassée. I'll challenge any master in the town,
And dance with him in any dance he will
Propose: a minuet, hornpipe, or quadrille.
Bel. There's many dancers too of great repute.
Chassée. With them for precedence I dare dispute.
Bel. You ought to know the art, it is very plain,
As you the technic terms9292. This professor, in giving the terms of art, is not candid enough to acknowledge whence he has copied them. of art explain.
Chassée. I find you've read my bill by what you've said,
In red and blue9393. Many of these professors consider even black and white not sufficiently attractive, therefore now print their bills in red and blue. you'll see I've there displayed,
The different things I teach, and likewise those
Named by those teachers who my fame oppose:
Mine is a kind of general depot
For dances of all sorts, this the town well know,
My bills and cards their names and prices show.
Bel. Your bills I've often noticed on the wall,
Contain strange dances, and if you teach all
The odd new fangled things which you have named,
No wonder that you've been so justly famed.
Chassée. Trifles! mere trifles! I know ten times more,
In my next bills you'll find I'll name a score,
You've never heard of, nor have seen before.
My cards and placards will my genius show,
And tell to learners what they ought to know.
These bills will show what teachers ought to be,
This I'll assert, to which all must agree,
None to perfection know the art but me;
My bills contain more terms of art than you,
Or any other person ever knew;
And so arranged, there's not two lines alike,
And all the leading features made to strike.
Bel. You must allow a bill of fare's the least
Substantial proof there will be a plenteous feast;
It is not what's promised in a bill of fare
That we commend, but viands we find there;
The more there's said, the more the doubt's increased,
The greatest promisers perform the least:
It is so with many teachers, I well know,
An instance of it I'll now plainly show.
Chassée. Oh! wretches! true and palpable enough,
Their bills are nothing but a glaring puff;
Read them; mark well9494. These words, mark well, formed the most conspicuous line in a certain professor's bill.; you'll find them quite absurd,
My bills, the wretches copy word for word:
When I devise a bill that's something new,
They imitate me, print in red and blue.
For instance, see a bill of theirs; here's mine.
See how I'm imitated line by line;
They're so alike, it is only in the name
They're different: in fact, they seem the same.
Bel. Such imitators should be brought to shame;
I went to one that prints a flaming bill,
And promises the items to fulfil,
And dares all teachers to contest his skill;
I took his bill with me, said, I'd contended,
That he in dancing was what he pretended;
Then from it chose some specimens to try,
Whether I could upon his bill rely.
The great professor in a passion flew,
Took snuff, aped consequence, and cried "Sacre Dieu",
Said I was sent by teachers he well knew.
Not e'en one single dance could I obtain,
No proof or satisfaction could I again,
Although I urged his credit was at stake,
He would not dance, but this excuse did make;
First shrugged his shoulders, rubbed hid hands, then said,
"That such a strange request was never made,
Of him whose talent never was disputed,
Nor such inquiries ever instituted";
He said those dances which I had proposed,
To him to dance, "were by himself composed,
Which he would dance were he not indisposed".
Thus boaster like, when driven the test,
Excused himself from all he had professed.
Chassée. A usual practice which these teachers use,
To gull the town and confidence abuse.
Bel. The bill I told him was as I expected,
A puff, and he was what I had suspected,
A boasting quack, as I had long supposed,
Whose impositions ought to be exposed:
He all confusion; nothing more could say,
Turned on his heel, abruptly walked away.
Just like the boasting traveller of old,
(Whose story Æsop has in fable told9595. The author is not sure whether he has related this fable literally according to Æsop, but believes he has preserved the substance and moral of the original.),
Who boasted he at Rhodes had often been,
Had beat in leaping all he had ever seen.
(It should be told the Rhodians all were famed
For leaping, and this he likewise named)
To make himself the more believed he swore,
That all he said heed prove, and ten times more;
But one, who was a Rhodian, rose and said,
"I come from Rhodes, and now am not afraid,
To try with you immediately and see,
If you're the person you pretend to be".
This struck the boaster dumb, he could not say
A word, nor dare he try, but skulked away,
Disgraced and shamed, as every boaster ought,
When in such falsehoods and such boastings caught.
Chassée. These quacks, I've challenged, aye, in every way,
To dance with me, and their great skill display;
They dare not answer me, but skulk away:
Afraid to meet me, as you may suppose,
These are the creatures, miss, who me oppose.
Bel. Creatures, indeed! compared with those who know
What dancing really is, and who can show
They've execution, judgement, taste, and skill,
And can their public promise well fulfil.
A case in point their impudence will show,
How they pretend to what they do not know;
A friend told me (on whom I can rely),
That she proposed a minuet to try9696. This circumstance was related to the author by the lady herself, who has given him permission to use her name, if necessary, for the authenticity of the fact.,
With one who prints "professor" in his bill,
It was done to try the great professor's skill.
With this proposal, he directly closed,
And took his place to dance, as was proposed;
But, strange! he knew the minuet no more,
Than one who'd never seen the dance before,
As he knew neither figures, steps, nor grace,
For when he moved it was always out of place:
His feet seemed quite confused, and not to know
Which way to move, or where they ought to go:
He watched his partner, scraped about the dance,
And oft receded when he should advance:
At length the lady, quite disgusted, cried,
"I see this dance, sir, you've not lately tried";
Then took her seat, and to herself exclaimed,
"This to the public ought to be proclaimed".
Chassée. These creatures I'd expose in every way,
All these, I mean, who can't do what they say.
Bel. And so would I. Excuse me, but I've heard,
Something respecting you that has occurred,
It was told to me by those well known to you.
Chassée. The world's censorious! all we hear is not true.
Bel. The other day I heard some persons state,
That you've not opened your grand balls of late.
Chassée. With opening dances I have been quite cloyed.
Bel. I'm told at several you were much annoyed.
Chassée. I must confess, at one some time ago,
Some envious wretched teachers whom I know,
Were rude enough to hiss, and to exclaim —
"Observe, how shocking! – He pretend to fame!
This proves he dancing only knows by name".
With other libellous strange things9797. At a public ball, held at a great tavern, this was actually the fact. A great professor whilst performing an opening dance, was annoyed in this manner, as he says, through envy; and for the credit of the professor it is hoped this was the case. that they
Were base and impudent enough to say,
Thus to asperse a gentleman who has been
To France, a professor whose name is seen
In every alley, corner, street or nook,
And one who likewise lately made a book
On dancing, which at once will show,
That I the art must practically know.
Were I not now a teacher of renown,
This might do me an injury with the town.
Bel. To some teachers, if such a thing took place,
It would serious prove, and bring them to disgrace;
But this and several circumstances more
Of the same kind, I've heard you've had before;
I mean the case that happened at that ball
Of yours you held in the great hall;
I cannot recollect the place or day,
But it is the same you mean, from what you say:
Pray let me hear from you how it occurred;
No doubt but I've exaggerations heard.
Chassée. Oh! oh! Mon Dieu! it is scandal every word,
Perverted thus, for calumny to handle,
We great professors are all born to scandal.
The circumstance I'll on my honour state
As it occurred, I cannot exaggerate.
While opening with a fine specimen dance,
Where I portrayed some dances de la France,
My style and talents drew forth every praise,
This did the envy of these teachers raise,
To hiss and make a noise; for they confess,
They dread the humble merit I possess;
It raised their indignation thus to see,
And hear such just applause bestowed on me.
Bel. Was it applause from strangers or from friends?
From whom or how it came so much depends.
Chassée. It was alt from strangers, as I understand.
My friends were neuter, didn't give a hand.
Bel. It was very different as it was told to me.
Chassée. Two of a trade you know can never agree.
Bel. So I've been often told, and I presume,
That you're the great professor you assume;
There's something mere I heard the other night,
If, it is misstated, you can set me right.
Chassée. I am known for candour, no artifice conceal,
Even my own faults and failings I reveal.
Bel. Did you e'er join E. W. or mister T.9898. These initials will be easily identified by the parties and many of the London teachers.?
Or e'er take lessons from a mister B.?
Chassée. What! I take lessons from a sorry crew.
Who only copy me. – Oh! Sacre Dieu!
With Norton or with Aldgate House you'll find,
I have no connection, not of any kind;
To be convinced, you my last bill should see,
For there I've said these creatures copy me:
I on myself alone rely for fame,
Do not with puny teachers mix my name.
Bel. Do you to J---'s Well9999. J---'s W---ll, a public house, (yclept tavern) in Barbican, where a ball (some say a hop), has been for several years held every Saturday evening, under Professor W---r's direction. The assembly is indiscriminate; any gentleman may be a welcome guest on payment of one shilling; and the ladies, who usually attend, are for their well known good nature, admitted for sixpence. This assembly is said to be held and constituted not quite conformable to the provisions of the late Vagrant Act, nor to that of the 25th of George II, nor are its votaries awed by, the approach of the Sabbath, and obliged to quit at twelve o clock, as at the opera house and other public places.For neither the professor nor mine host,Can of exemplary rigid virtues boast;Therefore to land their virtue is to quiz;With either or with both combined there is.No moral feeling, nor no pious awe,No stings of conscience, nor no dread of law;No fear of harlots, drunkenness, or riot;Nor Sabbath-breaking, nor of neighbour's quiet;No dread of honest wives and mother's curses,Whom sons and husbands leave With- empty purses;No scruples. Servants, prentice, and a punk,May come and dance, and if they please get drunk.There's no compunction, should the guests be foundSmoaking aud drinking when the matins sound;They are not warned to leave their flowing bowlsBecause 'tis Sunday, to preserve their souls:No dread of watchman, should he ev'n come in,For he is silenced with a glass of gin;None of these apprehensions has either the professor or mine host. Why such an assembly, on a Saturday night, should have been for years permitted in the heart of the city, so near the seat of civic government, and should also have escaped the vigilance of the society for the suppression of vice, whilst a few respectable persons, assembled for amusement at a private house, were lately seized and taken before a magistrate: must be left to casuists to determine.That the professor Chassée was often at the Barbican balls, there is no doubt; whether for the purpose of displaying his, talents picking up pupils or selecting company for his own room, or for what other laudable purpose he best knows. as usual go?
And are you still with Mister H. in Co?
Chassée. Sacre Dieu! I have cut the Tonsor long ago;
Nor have I lately danced at J---'s W---ll
As W---f---r and the --- can tell.
Bel. None can dispute such known veracity,
So famed for virtue and sagacity;
Now, if you'd dance a step or two to show,
This lady your superior style; I know
If she approve, then, sir, she'll recommend.
Jem. Real modest merit, I shall e'er befriend.
Chassée. My modesty and merit, I presume,
Are real; nothing false do I assume;
Mine is the fashionable style you'll find,
In which there, grace and elegance combined;
Here are some brilliant steps, I trust you'll say,
Which grace and execution both display.
Jem. That is a style, indeed! These steps would be
I fear too difficult to teach to me.
Chassée. I made those steps myself, to me alone.
These brilliant graceful steps are only known;
I pledge myself my compositions are
Original, with which none can compare.
My dances will astonish100100. A modest professor, in the suburbs of London, has lately published a bill, containing the following words, conspicuously printed in large capital letters, with blue ink, videlicet "Mister --- will astonish any lady or gentleman in London!!", or I'm undone,
Any lady or gentleman in London.
I have a new method too, in which you'll find,
All other teachers methods are combined.
Bel. You've doubtless, many masters had, to show.
You all these methods, likewise all you know.
Chassée. My knowledge from instinct and real genius came,
Not from such quacks as now aspire to fame.
For all they know, I at one glance could take;
My Towsor he could better dances make;
These creatures can do little more than talk,
Not one in ten know even how to walk;
From me they copy all; to me they are
Indebted, even for their bills of fare.
Bel. Do you to their academies ever go?
As you their style of dancing seem to know.
Chassée. I, from their pupils, who now come to me,
Acquire their methods, and by this, you see,
I all the knowledge of the town combine,
With all those rare acquirements of mine
For which I am known throughout the universe,
And future ages will my praise rehearse;
This causes teachers, who aspire to fame,
To come to me to profit by my name.
Bel. You must be skilled, why even your bill of fare,
Contains such things, as makes most people stare.
Chassée. I fifty dances teach, not mentioned there,
Besides those composition of my own,
Which are to the admiring town well known;
I likewise have a new surprising dance,
One which was lately brought to me from France;
If at my salle de dance you'll honour me
With your presence, those dances you shall see.
Jem. You honour me, but, Sir, I must confess,
I've really quite forgot your own address.
Chassée. This card, Mademoiselle, does my address contain101101. The address cards of many of those great professors, contain. not only the names of every fashionable dance, but have also generally the king's arms at the head; for many profess to be "under royal patronage", whose irons are only known to them by name.,
And all the various dances will explain,
Whether composed by me with those I teach,
For general use, the term I give to each.
Jem. Yours is a very handsome card address,
The finest I have seen I must confess: —
The arms, too! Well! really I am surprised!
And then by royalty you're patronized.
Chassée. I have that honour, and am proud to say
I merit it: the reward's not thrown away:
I trust my merit in quadrilles alone,
Has made me to the dancing would well known.
Bel. I've heard quadrilles are every night danced here,
If so, I very awkward shall appear.
Chassée. Do you know – La chaîne des dames et chassée croisée,
Chassée ouvert, queue du chat et balancez102102. Technical terms of figures and steps in quadrille dancing..
Bel. I cannot say I understand them all,
Although I danced them once at Almack's ball,
I wish you would, sir, just perform L'été103103. L'été a well known quadrille.,
And that will better put me in the way.
Chassée. With pleasure, a quadrille I now will dance,
With any in this country or in France.
Bel. None can dispute it, sir, you're very kind.
Chassée. This is the figure and the steps combined.
Bel. Thank you, sir. Now, Jemima, try my dear!
How you can do it, for you need not fear
Mister Chassée; I'm sure, he will excuse your dancing.
Come, Jemima, don't refuse.
Chassée. Don't be afraid, miss. Come, now, let me see,
It is not expected you should dance like me;
From one, like you, miss, I cannot expect,
Great execution, grace, or stage effect.
In dancing, there's but very few excel;
Bel. I've many teachers seen, who can't dance well.
Chassée. Very true, miss, there's many great impostors,
Who always call themselves great dancing masters.
Bel. In their exposure, I should take delight,
It would serve such barefaced gross impostors right.
Chassée. If I could see them well exposed, it would be
The greatest pleasure you could give to me.
104104. To Jemima. Now, try the dance, miss, do not hesitate,
That you may learn it well, and imitate
My grace and manners: I will once again
Dance it over, it will make it clear and plain;
Then, give me your, opinion, and observe,
Speak what you really think without reserve.
Jem. At your request I shall speak out my mind,
A flatterer, sir, me, you'll never, find;
For flattery often makes bad dancers vain.
Chassée. Don't flatter, me, for flattery I disdain.
Jem. Of that you'll have no reason, to complain.
Chassée. That is the modern fashionable style;
Now, miss, begin, I'll tune to you the while.
Jem. Now, Sir, excuse the liberty I take,
I've on your dancing some remarks to make,
I'll stand corrected, if I cannot show,
That something of the art I really know
I've been at dancing since six years of age,
And have for years had practice on the stage,
From false positions all your steps you take;
Third for fifth, and when the balloté you make,
Your feet are so confined with turned up toes,
That it is balloté, none could suppose;
Your arms ungraceful then you bend your back
And head, when dancing, like a half filled sack,
You shake and wriggle, jerk about and swing,
Like children's, puppets which they play with string;
If such your manner, taste, and execution,
Woe be to those who are under your tuition.
Chassée. Mercy! here's scandal, you're employed by those,
Poor envious teachers, who my fame oppose.
Jem. And, likewise, sir, I've heard with some surprise,
You can't perform one half you advertise;
To prove it scandal, you, no doubt, will show,
That, you these dances accurately know;
Here, from your card, sir, now suppose we take, The first three dances, and a trial make.
Chassée. Madam! I'll stay no longer in this place,
As your transcendent merit would disgrace,
By daring a professor to impeach,
To say that I can neither dance nor teach,
Is quite libellous, and to my face, too,
To name my faults, O! Sacre Dieu!
How dare you, miss, such vague opinions give?
Such, impudence I never will forgive.
Jem. Now, pray, sir, stay, give us another dance,
One of those novelties you had from France.
Bel. Ha! ha! ha! I said you soon would-see,
How well his words and actions do agree,
He's a fair specimen of the same kind,
Like him with ease I fifty more could find
I wish they were exposed a little more.
Jem. Of quacks, like these, I'd put to flight a score105105. As the anther has noticed the excellent personification of the character of Chassee, it would appear unjust to omit mentioning also, the admirable manner in which the characters of Belinda and Jemima were performed. It ladies, equally competent, were occasionally to visit the assemblies of certain professors, it would make them hide their diminished heads, unless they possessed even more assurance than they are supposed to have, and that would be ---..
There's one who keeps a gallimaufry hop106106. Perhaps it might not be a libellous reflection on the above professor to say, he keeps a common hop, he may therefore be justly charged with presumption in pretending that his academy is on the principle of L'académie royale, Paris. If there are any who have visited both institutions, they can judge of the similarity; he is, however, imitated by another,person, superior to him in professional ability, though not in intellect or modesty.,
Thinks all his gagging brethren to overtop,
Sends forth a bill of fare, "comme un François",
Not to bring folks to dance, but fools to pay.
"Academic Royale" meets the wandering eye,
And "Paris" stands in capitals just by.
To read the wording of his bill of fare,
You'd think it came from Vestris or Albert.
But what surprise, when once you see the name —
It is one who's long been kicked about by fame;
Who has been treated like a common W---,
And, at Fame's temple, skulks about the door:
Nor has he chance of getting in, till he
Give up his dancing gallimaufry,
And act consistent with his bill of fare,
And rigidly fulfil all he says there,
Or else "Académie Royale" shall erase,
To save his credit, and avoid disgrace.
You might suppose, by items in his bill,
That he had really scientific skill,
And taught upon the rules which are laid down
By Coulon107107. Coulon, a celebrated teacher at the French Academy, father of one of the principal dancers, lately on the Opera Establishment. and such masters of renown;
But our professor, whatever he may say,
Teaches his pupils in a different way.
He never means his promise to fulfil,
And laughs at fools who would believe his bill.
He from exposure never stands in awe,
And what he says or prints don't care a straw.
When strangers call, they're plied with technic phrases,
And his dear self he lauds with lots of praises,
Those strangers who go there, and hope to see
Dancing, as at the French Academy,
Will be mistaken: our professor's plan
Is "hop and go forward", get through how you can.
No turning at the handle or the knees108108. Though this subject may be too technical for the general reader, yet it is presumed it will be easily comprehended by dancers.,
To gain command, that attitudes may please;
No battements made there, either close or grand,
From which the hips and knees may gain command.
From pain in pointing toes, none make wry faces,
For they stick up and sin against the graces;
As in these matters he's not very nice,
And never goes by rules, or takes advice,
Not as Coulon, with his discerning eye,
Corrects the foot, should it be placed awry,
And rights the head, should it too much incline,
And moves the figure, if too serpentine,
Who notices if lips or chin project,
Directs the eye, to give the whole effect;
But our professor is not quite so nice,
He neither gives nor takes Coulon's advice,
And cares not for the motion of the eyes,
Nor if the chest in due proportion rise,
Feels no sensation, if the month's drawn in,
Or lips pout out, or they extend the chin.
If pupils stand like Popes109109. Alluding to the stuffed effigies of Guy Fawkes, carried about on the fifth of November vulgarly called, "Popes". in their position,
Both stiff and graceless, he feels no contrition.
If they in pirouettes should hop like geese,
It don't disturb the great professor's peace,
If wrists are bent, and elbows angular,
And fingers stick out quite triangular,
He would not faint at the disgraceful sight,
Alike to him whether they're wrong or right.
In entrechats, if they should rap their heels,
Or bend their knees, he no compunction feels.
If attitudes don't correspond with looks,
If arms and fingers hang like butcher's hooks,
If knees are so turned in, they rub together,
As poplar branches do in windy weather.
Professor cares not, they may hop away,
And uncontrolled deformity display.
If they in making pirouettes should fall,
And hop just like a cat to catch her tail,
Or run about, and silly freaks display,
Like sweeps who frisk it on the first of May,
Professor cares not, if they do but pay.
He's not ashamed of trickery or fraud,
But has a conscience like a carted b---d.
To see Coulon, he knows there is no danger,
Who has to London been for years a stranger,
But monsieur Boisgerard110110. Monsieur Boisgerard, a dancer and teacher of unquestionable merit, for many years attached to the Opera House, now master of the Opera School, and second Ballet Master. might chance go there,
(Attracted by professor's bill of fare),
To analyse this "Royale Académie",
And learn if it is what it is said to be.
He knows the various methods of Coulon,
And on that plan he teaches it is well known,
And well explain the technic of art,
And scientific knowledge can impart —
Whose taste and skill have been approved by all,
Who tread the stage, or figure at the ball:
His genius and his judgement none dispute,
Except some quacks beneath him to refute.
Belinda. You've said enough to make a dancer vain.
Were I his, – I really should complain,
And almost, think what some old ladies say,
"There's something more than friendship in the way".
Jemima. You're quite mistaken, that you may rely
I only speak of him professionally,
And have with some reluctance given the name,
As there are other candidates for fame111111. The author is well acquainted with the merits of many other dancers and teachers of equal excellence, and may perhaps take a future opportunity to do them justice. At present, he forbears naming individuals, more than necessary. In certain instances, it appeared right to contrast dancers of excellence in any particular department with pretenders to equal merit. Some names have therefore been selected, not intended to exclude merit in others.He is uninfluenced, aids no partial voice,Nor has through interest ever made a choice,Only gives names when subjects do require,And not at Pride's or Vanity's desire,Has left out none to serve ambition's call,For, as good dancers, he admires them all,And bows to talent, find it where he will,And envies none who have superior skill.From a wish of avoiding, as far as possible, any invidious distinctions, the Author has been induced to abandon his original intention, of dedicating this work to an eminent teacher and dancer now retired, an excellent judge of the subject..
Whose talents merit more than I can say,
And who they are I'll name some other day;
For I'm not fond of flattery or praising,
Nor of great expectation falsely raising,
And have been with those cautious maxims bred,
"Never to praise folk's merit, till they're dead".
Which suits not our professors, for these elves
Can't wait that time, but boldly praise themselves.
You'd be mistaken, if you thought to see
This boaster awed by innate modesty.
He has not the retiring modest grace,
That fears to look great talents in the face,
Nor innate modesty, that's always shown,
By praising all men's merits hut his own;
But one who will presume to take his place,
Where modest talent scarce could show its face;
As a composer would himself compare,
And even dispute with d'Egville112112. Monsieur d'Egville, a celebrated dancer, formerly ballet matter at the Opera House. or Aumer113113. Monsieur Aumer, one of the most scientific and original of the Terpsichorean family, now principal ballet master at the Opera House..
Belinda. What! has he effrontery to advance,
He can compose, or with those masters dance?
Jemima. Though he may not excel le Blond114114. Le Blond, a principal dancer at the Opera House, celebrated for extraordinary agility. in flying,
He'll beat him, aye, and all the world, in lying:
Not sylph like Ronzi's115115. Madame Ronzi Vestris is also a principal at the Opera House, and one of the most fascinating and sylph-like dancers of the present age; this lady is the wife of monsieur Charles Vestris, one of the first dancers attached to that establishment, and of whom mention has before been made in p. 8. Both monsieur and madame Vestris have, very deservedly, long been and still continue to be, established favorites with the public. light fantastic toe,
Nor classic Julia116116. Miss Julia Aumer, a principal dancer belonging to the Opera establishment, daughter of the ballet master of that name, and worthy of his scientific knowledge and classic taste., nor agile le Gros117117. Madame Le Gros, a principal dancer at the Opera of great merit.,
Nor even Noblet's118118. Madame Noblet a principal dancer at the Opera House, of exquisite taste and possessing the most classic and graceful execution. pure attic grace,
Would make professor hide his shameless face;
For be is deaf as well as blind to shame,
And only knows it as he knows his name.
His envy and his prejudice, you'll find,
Make him to dancers' merits always blind.
He sees no execution or effect in Byrn119119. Mister Oscar Byrn, formerly of the Opera House, but now a principal dancer at the Thea tre Royal Drory Lane. The brilliant execution and pleasing effect of his dancing have rendered him most deservedly a great favourite with the public. He is a son of mister James Byrn, formerly principal dancer and ballet master at both Covent Garden and Druny Lane Theatres.,
Nor can he Noble's120120. Mister Noble, formerly of the King's Theatre, hut now at principal dancer and ballet master of the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, admired for his taste and graceful execution. ease and grace discern.
Others there are, whom I need hardly name,
As imitators hope to raise their fame;
Who think "Composer" has a cheering sound,
And that "Inventor" is still more profound;
That these two phrases in a bill of fare
Will strike with awe, and make the groundlings stare!
That all the world will then a deference pay,
And take for granted all they do and say;
And think they've really mathematic skill,
And read, with wonder, items in their bill.
They give their dances names to gain éclat,
Which vulgar people say, "will crack your jaw"
To what originally bore another name,
To call their own, Professors feel no shame,
So alter names and the invention claim121121. No sooner had the Author announced his waltz and quadrille country dances, new reels, ecossoises, and circular dances, than persons were found not ashamed to claim them as their own inventions, and as soon as the "Ecossoise Instructor" was published, though the system was previously unknown, yet another "Ecossoise Instructor" immediately appeared at half the original price. Such conduct has since obliged the Author to put his name to all his own compositions, however trifling..
They'll mangle and new christen some old dance,
Then say they made it, or it came from France;
And give it some strange title, new and rare,
To make fools wonder and old women stare;
As gaging players strive the house to fill
By making striking features in their bill
From some performance take a dance or song,
Mention the piece to which it did belong,
And print the name thereof in such a way,
To make you think the whole they meant to play;
But print so small the words of "song and dance",
To see them, purblind readers have no chance.
So our professors their strange names display,
And trust to catching fools a similar way.
Belinda. They may catch those who on the surface creep,
Who never look for meanings very deep;
Your horn book critics, who spell every word,
Who misconceive, and state things quite absurd
Who in their own opinions are so rooted
They will persist, if laughed at, scorned and hooted.
Jemima. To tricks and stratagems of every sort,
However mean or stale, these quacks resort;
Their bills are worded quite equivocal,
And many of them enigmatical;
They oft say one thing; while they mean another,
Bel. As one quack says, so says his modest brother.
Jem. Nothing's too little or too mean to steal,
For want of genius, they'll nick name a reel,
And give it same strange French, or mongrel name,
To make folks think it new and not the same122122. Some, by garbling old dances, and giving them a foreign or strange name, pass them off as their own compositions: upon examination into the construction of dances really composed by them (the invention of which will not be disputed), it will be clearly apparent that the composers have not the mathematical knowledge of an Archimedes, or an Euclid.,
And add it to the list of their inventions,
But what it was professor never mentions.
In order that these dances may go down,
And that they may pass current with the town;
They say they're danced by persons of renown.
Like country dance collections, said to be
"Danced by the Court and First Nobility123123. Whoever has observed the annual collections of country dances, will have found by their titles they are all danced at Court, Bath, Almacks, &c. though perhaps not one in twenty has really been so honoured.,
Likewise at Bath and Almack's", though it is known
That petty hops such dances would disown;
As few are tried, and others not e'en read,
But from composer's pen at once fall dead.
To see or read these dances any where,
Except in the composer's hill of fare,
Credulity herself would e'en despair.
They for a patron's name sometimes petition,
But get refused, then print without permission;
For taste and talent all these wights disown,
Bel. But shame's to them a quality unknown;
So praise their dances as in great repute,
Well knowing none With quacks will e'er dispute,
And hope their words, if in Italic print,
Will current pass, like Sovereigns from the Mint:
They know what's praised, too many will believe,
Is what it should be, and themselves deceive.
Jem. You know some praise what they dont comprehend,
And fool with fool in folly will contend;
Like some, who call Italian Operas fine,
Who have no taste, nor understand a line:
To whom you might as well recite in Greek,
Instead of Pasta124124. A celebrated female Opera singer., pigs to them should squeak;
Yet they'll cry "bravo", praise the bill of fare,
But relish music like a dancing bear;
Who, when he dances to the pipe and tabor,
The dancing master bruin mast belabour.
You know what's praised by persons of renown
Is likewise praised by all the fools in town;
Not that they've read or seen, nor can they show
They've reasons for it, but that – said so;
They dare not contradict, lest some should doubt,
They wanted taste and their weak side find out,
Who never give opinions till they've learned,
The town have these opinions first confirmed;
When such as those read our professor's bill,
They think strange items proofs of taste and skill,
Like some who hieroglyphics can't make out,
Cry "these mean something wonderful, no doubt".
Bel. Our stage purveyors on this folly feed,
So give some pieces names which few can read;
As they find Coptic or some hieroglyphic,
To gather fools attractive and prolific,
And bring them lots of flats to pay and stare,
Who come away, as wise as they went there;
Such are the wise-acres who go to those,
Who strange and gagging bills of fare compose;
From numerous readers some believers come,
Who follow as poor children do a drum:
Who take for granted all they hear and see,
And think professor what he ought to be;
Who dance and pay, and never once suspect
Professor's want, or they want intellect;
Who never discover right or wrong they do,
But seem delighted, if they're told it is new;
So these professors dances try to make,
Or else from some composer dances take.
No wonder they should praise those things they teach,
When of themselves so modestly they preach;
For I have seen a teacher's bill of fare
That would make all good modest people stare;
For the professor is so hyperbolic,
To read it would give modesty the cholic;
From Chrononhotonthologos, you'd say,
He copied phrases bombast to display;
In pompous terms he makes the first advance,
And says, he teaches as they do in France,
Upon the plan of "l'Académie Royal"125125. The following is an extract from the teacher's bill alluded to: "Dancing is taught upon the immediate principles of the Royal Académie à Paris, by which persons are enabled to acquire a more extensive knowledge of quadrilles or any other department of the art in six lessons, than can possibly be obtained by any other method in as many months. Mister --- trusts the peculiar advantages of attending his establishment are so generally known, that a present nomination of them would be superfluous, and hopes by urbanity and assiduity, in conjunction with his well-known professional abilities, to merit a continuation of that patronage which he has hitherto extensively obtained".,
That's so well known it don't require a trial,
And trusts chat his Académie alone
Is where the art is to perfection known;
Says in his rare establishment you'll find,
Facilities of all and every kind;
That, to enumerate them all, it would be
Almost next to an impossibility.
But cannot prove its fame's increased by years,
For twenty moons at most its age appears;
Then says, he'll teach (how cheering to the dunce)
In six short lessons, what would take six months:
He next proclaims, though not with modest grace,
What some folks think a little out of place,
What Vestris would he quite ashamed to say,
Or any other man in such a way:
He tells you he has great "urbanity"
And "assiduity" (heaven bless his modesty),
For that almost exceeds his vanity;
Talks of "establishment" and great facilities,
That his well known professional abilities
Are now acknowledged both by old and young.
Bel. And may perhaps in doggerel verse be sung.
Jem. He, like some actors I've known on the stage,
Boasts "he has gained extensive patronage";
Yet never tells you who these patrons are,
But still sends out new tricking bills of fare.
One democratic rogue well known to you,
Proclaims his Ball, but cheats the revenue;
No advertising duty will he pay,
Neither in bills does he his name display,
But takes a cheaper way to announce his ball,
Like doctor Eady, chalks it on the wall;
His only trouble is a lengthy walk,
And his expense one pennyworth of chalk.
Bel. This he admits; but says, that meaner things
Are now performed by princes and by kings.
Jem. There's now a King126126. The King of Naples sells fish in the public market, throw; the lazaroni into the sea, also drops macaroni, boiling hot, on peoples' heads in the pit at the Opera. Anecdotes of the present King of Naples, from "Venice under the yoke of France and Austria"., as foolish as you'd wish,
Sits in the market selling "stinking fish",
With cap and apron on, he makes a crony,
Of every flattering idle lazaroni,
With whom he laughs and talks, awhile he stands
And eats of onions from their dirty hands;
And will at times a cruel monster be,
By throwing lazaroni in the sea.
Bel. It is fair to state to those who do complain,
He plunges in, and brings them out again.
Jem. When at the Opera, he sometimes thinks fit,
To scald his subjects sitting in the pit,
With boiling macaroni thrown on those,
Who in the pit the audience compose;
Eats with his hands, takes neither fork nor spoon,
And licks his greasy paws, like some baboon:
Then there's prince ---127127. A certain Prince now on his travels, is said to delight in killing hogs and forging horse shoes and when he eats hog's flesh, likes it hot and raw. who does strange customs use,
Sometimes kills hogs, and forges horses shoes;
And what's mere strange, perhaps to gain éclat,
When he eats hog's flesh, likes it hot and raw.
I could give more such royal examples,
But these I trust will now suffice as samples
Of what great people sometimes do and say,
And how their taste and folly they display;
We know that bad examples have great weight,
If they from church or state should emanate,
And our Professor in defence may bring,
Some foolish act, done by some foolish king.
Many of these new dancing Jeremy Diddlers,
Are nothing more than sorry green hag fiddlers.
Bel. You should say blue bag, as green's discarded,
For carrying tales, which were so disregarded.
Jem. They Artists128128. "Artists" — Some French dancers have assumed this title; and several of the Professors alluded to have also bestowed upon themselves the same modest appellation — they have likewise substituted "study" for "practice. call themselves, their practice is
By them called "study" – nay – I do not quiz —
If they can't dance, I'll prove their vanity
Is little short of sheer insanity.
These terms they take from some who come from France,
They're quite absurd in those who cannot dance.
You'll easy know what calling they profess,
If you observe their manners, gait, and dress.
Long frill, high collar, ring, and bunch of seals,
And boy with crowdy129129. "Crowdy" — A name for the violin. dangling at their heels;
When thus equipped, they strut, like bantam cocks,
And walk as if they just had left the stocks130130. "Left the stocks" — Not the public stocks, but those of dancingmasters.:
Of affectation they've a decent stock,
For at their doors you're told to "ring and knock".
Bel. One in a fray had his false collar131131. "False collar". This alludes to a certain dancing master, who recently brought his landlady before the magistrate for an assault, and tearing his false collar, when the termagant declared he had twelve to one shirt. tore,
He to that shirt had twelve false collars wore.
Jem. In dress as well as manners be it said,
A revolution has been lately made.
Bel. The sober black with breeches they disuse,
Likewise the buckles in the knees and shoes;
They now wear colours, strings, and trousers wide,
Which, with their own, would hold two legs beside;
The leg and uncle requisite to see,
And when to straighten or to bend the knee
Cannot be seen – these modern sacks conceal
Both knee and uncle, likewise toe and heel.
Jem. Their conversation you cannot compare,
With what has passed betwixt Congreve and Voltaire;
Or betwixt Aspasia and great Socrates,
Which did the hearers both instruct and please.
But is composed of Tom and Jerry132132. "Tom, Jerry, Logic, and Bobs" characters in "Life in London", who abound in slang phrases. flash,
For wit they substitute low balderdash.
Their technic slang is, "Well, how goes the shop?"
Not "How goes business; but how goes the hop?"
Bel. I could name four professors, who for slang,
Would outdo "Logic", – "Bob", or "Mother Bang"133133. "Mother Bang." The keeper of a house of a certain description.,
They think, if they some broken French can gabble,
And scrape a kit, they'll pass off with the rabble,
Who take for granted, or like fools pretend
To understand what they can't comprehend.
They're stiff in gait, their heads they graceless toss,
And nod and bridle like a Lord Mayor's horse;
Shrug up the;r shoulders, kick about just so (imitating),
And grin like monkeys dressed up at a show.
Jem. Professor Chasséep134134. The Professor here alluded to has lately had his portrait engraved for an invitation Ball ticket; which is sent to Huxters, Chandlers, &c. to admit them gratis to his Balls and Assemblies: he has also had a circular letter printed, (which is sent round with his tickets to the shops in which his show boards are placed,) in which he assures them, "be they who they may," they may always have tickets for themselves and Friends to his Assemblies, whenever they send him a line., I forgot to state,
Has put his phiz on a new copper plate,
His cheek by jowl135135. "Cheek by jowl", See page 45. concern being out of date.
He's on his face determined to rely,
Lest with his Works his name with him should die;
As children have a cut to show the ass,
So he sends portraits to the adult class
They're sent to hucksters, green shops, nay to all,
As invitation tickets to his ball.
Bel. Tell me, is this professor's vanity,
Or proof of folly or insanity?
Jem. You know they're all thought vain conceited elves,
Who print and put forth portraits of themselves:
He from quack doctors took the hint; for they
Each print a book and their dear phiz display;
They're not all pupils at his rooms you see,
For most of them go there gratuitously;
Each shopkeeper that posts his bill of fare,
Is gratis with his friends admitted there.
Those who attend have little chance to know,
Who are the guests that to his dances go;
For tickets are transferred, aye ten times over,
And some I'm told, have changed hands with a score:
Then he bids hucksters not themselves confine,
But if they want more tickets, drop a line.
And they shall be supplied, they may depend,
With tickets to admit themselves and friend.
Bel. A circular and ticket for the hop,
I had from our green grocer, Turnip Top.
Jem. Who ever heard of graces, more than three?
Yet one professor136136. The above professor (who is also mentioned in page 17, as having ostentatiously displayed the Royal Arms between his windows), proposes in his bills to teach "the Seven Graces." Whether of the body or mind he does not say; Those who know him declare they have not discovered them externally., (who must nameless be)
Has made seven graces, and will these impart
To every one who comes to learn his art.
Bel. To wrong construe it would he quite unkind,
Perhaps, he means the graces of the mind.
Jem. These are not graces our professor handles,
His inward light will never save him candles.
Bel. His outward graces, if I'm not mistaken,
If called in question will not save his bacon.
Jem. There's one professor dwells not far from hence,
Who scoffs at dancers for their want of sense;
Though he his rivals' faults so plainly sees,
Is not himself a perfect Socrates;
He wonders flies can on the ceiling walk,
And thinks old cats do in their amours talk;
And asks if fleas lay eggs, or spawn like frogs,
If such as live in blankets breed in dogs:
He wonders cats make camel backs and beg,
And why geese stand and fowls roost on one leg:
And often asks what makes the smoke ascend,
And if the death-watch does not death portend;
What makes cats, and pigs run serpentine,
And why old ladies gin prefer to wine;
Asks why cock sparrows are so amorous,
And gadding tabbies always clamorous:
Fancies he in the fire plainly sees
Faces and churches, cottages and trees,
A thousand more such fancies he maintains,
Yet he of others want of sense complains.
Bel. You must excuse him, for there now exist,
Others who're neither wits, nor casuists;
Of metaphysics have as little knowledge,
As some M. P.'s who're lately come from college.
They know no more of Hume, des Cartes137137. Des Cartes, an eminent French philosopher and metaphysician., or Locke,
Than if each head had been a barber's block.
Jem. He laughs at all the childish things he sees,
And feels delight to search his cat for fleas;
Even Rabelais' Bishop138138. Vide Rabelais' works., who made sport with wigs,
And died with laughter when the ass ate figs,
Was not more foolish, I'll engage to say,
Than our Professor is in his own way;
Like Heliogabulus139139. Heliogabulus, a Roman Emperor, infamous for his vices follies., it seems, this elf
Has tried how silly he can make himself;
He boasts of talent in another way,
Not dancing only, but in feats of play:
He quits the stocks to play with childish toys,
Leaves chassées to blow babbles with the boys;
And makes Turks' caps, and pigs and geese with paper,
And says, he taught an old tom eat to caper:
He'll doubtless for excuse, say this and that,
And cites Montaigne140140. Montaigne, the celebrated French writer, is said to have round particular amusement in playing with his cat., as playing with his cat.
Bel. He cite Montaigne! The notion is absurd,
By him that author's name was never heard.
One dancing author, long since lost to shame,
Still strives in print to publish his own fame;
For though he's been so scooted by the muses,
He still writes on, and good advice refuses
He takes from others, no compunction feels,
But the real author's name with care cone conceals,
And puts his own, to what he silly steals.
To say that he's an improvisatore,
Would really be what ladies call a story;
You might as soon a comet hope to see,
As our professor rhyme extempore.
Jem. Though he to taste and verse has no pretence,
You must allow he has some common sense;
His wit and stories, when you hear their source,
Perhaps you'll say, are rather trite and coarse;
It is not from "Congreve", Rabelais, or Swift,
He brings his wit, to give his tales a lift
But takes his stories from the "New Care Killer"141141. "New Care Killer", a book or the Joe Miller species:
And all his wit and jokes from old Joe Miller142142. Old "Joe Miller", alluding to "Joe Miller's Jests? a well known collection of jokes and phrases, now considered trite and stale.:
And these serve well to retail out to those,
Who our professor's company compose;
ho laugh at jokes, however dull and trite,
And listen to Joe Miller with delight.
Bel. Hop Merchant is a term with which these elves,
Though it is sarcastic, often dub themselves;
The term they think sounds well, and though a quiz,
Know few can tell them what the difference is,
Betwixt arts, trades, callings, and the sciences.
Nay, some I'm told believe, who cannot dance,
That steps, like goods, we now import from France:
Merchant was once a term of such renown,
That had great weight and influence with the town;
But now has lost its weight and consequence,
And dwindled into insignificance.
Merchant's a term now every ragman uses,
Jem. Merchant's a term that every rogue abuses.
Some write, "Potato Merchant", nay, there's many
Of these great merchants cry, "three pounds a penny",
The Coal-man now; who measures half a peck,
Thinks merchant will his sooty calling deck;
Writes up, "Coal Merchant", though he cannot boast
He ever sold a bushel at the most.
Bel. They treat with scorn the adage you well know,
Which says, "you first should creep before you go".
Few traders on propriety depend,
But make beginnings, where they all should end:
Some will great titles to themselves apply,
And on their impudence for fame rely;
They all write up, as you may plainly see,
Not what they are, but what they wish to be;
Each hedge stick chopper, and joint-stool maker,
Now writes up "carpenter and undertaker":
A pop-gun maker, though on Saffron-hill,
Will write up "builder", to proclaim his skill.
Each sorry cat-gut scraper writes "musician",
And each quack doctor styles himself "physician":
Each on himself some title will confer,
The petty-fogger's "a solicitor";
Which he writes up, his rivals to excel,
And though no clients, has an "office bell".
To credit all we see, and all we're told,
And think all's true that's wrote in blue and gold,
Would be so paradoxical, that few
Without more proof, would e'er believe it true.
(I mean such persons as well know the ways
And tricks of trade, and customs of our days).
There's "Working Cutlers", who never used a tool,
And "real hat-makers" qualified at school;
There's hosiers now, by way of a deceiver,
Place at their door, for show, a stocking weaver:
To make fools think, and likewise others tell,
They manufacture all the goods they sell.
There's many sale shops this device prefer,
Though nothing make, write "Manufacturer".
The retail dealer, without hesitation,
Now "wholesale" writes, and "goods for exportation":
He talks of duties, in voices of trade,
And bills of lading which he never made.
Jem. I've wholesale dealers known, (the truth may shock),
That with a sovereign you might buy their stock:
Each puny grocer has his mandarin,
Or else some painted tea chest to be seen;
Hopes these devises will great sales announce,
Though these great "Hongs"143143. Hongs are the great Chinese tea merchants, from whom our East India Company purchase their tea., never weighed beyond an ounce.
Each petty trader uses sounding; phrases,
Cries down his rivals, and himself bepraises.
Read their professions – nay, if each could, paint,
His rival would he Satan; he, a saint.
Of unexampled patronage he boasts,
Yet puts fresh bills on houses, walls, and posts,
And thrice a year he cards of business sends,
"To inform the public and his numerous friends";
(The modest soul in them, "begs leave to say"),
"That he mends kettles in the usual way":
To hear them talk, you never would suppose,
They ever would, or ever could impose.
Like some M. P.'s, who when they canvas, swear
That their constituents' interest is their care
But when returned by them, and snug in place,
They find their friend has got another face:
So with some traders, – when you buy, are civil,
But go to change, they wish you at the devil;
When you complain, they sometimes will declare,
They know you not, nor were the goods bought there:
They all sell good and cheap, nay, each declares,
He'll challenge all the town to match his wares:
Invite a trial, offer to compete
With all the world, and thus they hide the cheat:
Each hopes that all who read his bill believes
That he's a saint; and all the rest are thieves;
Yet will delight his neighbour's weights to chop,
Although he sells short weight at his own shop,
In marking goods, the shillings large they paint,
The pence and fractions write with pencil faint;
The things they mark, they seldom mean to sell,
But show you goods they say will do as well:
If you insist, another tale you're told,
"They would with pleasure, but those goods are sold".
The plan's to get you in and there to try,
By some finesse, if they can make you buy144144. Though the above observations on the customs, manners, and stratagems of certain traders may be found generally true, yet the Author has the honour to know many traders who would not only despise such pitiful acts, but would be ashamed of the conduct of some professional artists, as they call themselves..
Bel. The tricks-in trade which you to me impart,
Would be disgraceful in the polite art;
And such professors ought to be ashamed,
Who would the authors of such tricks be named,
As it is degrading, when they imitate
What they professionally should reprobate;
For in opinion great distinction's made
Betwixt artists and the tricking sons of trade.
Jem. Of honesty in trade no one believes,
As Mercury is the god of trade and thieves.
Bel. The tricking merchant does his windows dull,
And has bill boxes Johnny Bull to gull,
"Bills for Acceptance" is on one inscribed,
From whom, or what they are, can't be described;
Another box, to show he's just in trade,
Will meet your eyes, on which is wrote "bills paid".
This they conceive will confidence increase,
And will with doubtful traders make their peace:
There "Counting-house", well written, meets your eye,
With empty Ledgers piled up six feet high;
And at the door, to give the thing éclat,
Are tubs of stones, and packages of straw.
The needy lawyer powders and looks big,
And hopes in time to have a gown and wig;
Though without clients, and unknown in Court,
And terms all end and he makes no report,
Has clerk and of office and a letter-box
And inner door to drown n intrusive knocks,
He writes up offices and bell,
Though without business, thinks the term sounds well;
Has boxes marked with names, and places in view;
Of noble clients whom he never knew;
And papers tied with tape and placed for show,
Of plaintiffs Doe, and versus Richard Roe.
If Clients call, then business will pretend,
Take out draft papers, and his pens he'll mend,
And ask his clerk if Thompson does defend.
To know the person he calls. Mister Thompson,
You may as well enquire of monsieur Tonson145145. "Monsieur Tonson" — alluding to the well known story of this name, in which repeated enquiries are made after a fictitious character.;
Bat when they're gone, the clerk and Mister Flaw
Take draughts of Intire, and leave drafts of law.
Those who by chance have been to take their drops146146. Those who have visited the places above alluded to, must have noticed the imposing names inscribed on the supposed reservoir of strong waters and have been perhaps surprized that they have not been more frequently drawn from, for the customers.
At retail wine vaults, or at some gin shops,
Must have observed the systematic way
In which they kegs and empty tubs display
If not all empty, few have much merit,
As they are filled with water, not with spirit.
Like broken tea cups, they're set up for show —
Sometimes "Old Tom's" above, and "X" below,
And "Double X" the largest tub will grace,
And mighty "Sampson" stares you in the face.
These doughty heroes, though they're large and, tall,
Are harmless as the giants in Guildhall;
And if you try, you'll find these filled within
With "Thames Intire", instead of "Booth's best gin":
From "Wellington" you have not much to dread,
As his 'munition's from "New river head".
Their names would, fright a Frenchman from the bar,
As "Nelson, Waterloo, and Trafalgar";
And many others popular in song,
Which no way prove their liquor good or strong.
Ask them why they have named them in this way?
"Others have done the same", these people say:
For reason and propriety, you'll find,
Are qualities to which they're mostly blind.
Jem. In trade, as dancing, it can't be denied,
That words and meanings oft are misapplied:
It is not from accidents these slips are made,
But through design, for all's thought fair in trade.
Bel. To live in faith, we find it to our cost,
For every true believer now is lost,
As what we hear and see can't be believed,
For eyes and earn are constantly deceived.
Fruit's always fine, and poultry ever young,
And ladies always fair, whose praise is sung;
Milk's genuine from the cow and always new,
They watered thrice, and made to took sky blue;
Wine's always neat, though it be mixed with sloes,
And genuine tea in England often grows
We've fish alive that died a week or more,
And new-laid eggs we've seen a month before
There's wheaten bread from potatoes sold in shops,
And real Intire made sans malt or hops:
In usual customs too there's lately been
A revolution, may be plainly seen —
All's now refined, affected, and genteel,
E'en thieves are now ashamed in rags to steal;
Beggars no longer thrive by being in rags,
And matches now are sold from lawyers bags:
The porter now becomes a man of taste,
Wears monstrous trousers puckered at the waist,
Carries a snuff box, sports a ring and broach —
On Sunday treats his lady with a coach:
The Sandy clerk, who'll hardly take a note,
Carries his weekly wash beneath his coat:
To sweep the shop, some shop-men will refuse,
Who are at home obliged to black their shoes
The printed card the porter now disuses,
And "Mister" now instead of "John" he chooses:
Street fiddlers have a copper-plate address,
And dustmen now gentility profess
Shop-men to write "Esquire" feel no shame,
And courtesans take some romantic name.
You're not to judge from what you hear or see,
For people are not what they seem to be;
In hackneyed terms, they bills and placards word,
And many of them foolish and absurd:
Some "to the public do their thanks return,
For patronage" which they could never discern,
Which has been so extensively obtained,
And beg continuance of these favours gained —
Though they've such "numerous friends", oft, with surprise,
In the gazette these traders meet your eyes.
Some "flatter themselves" (for that's the usual phrase",
That empty traders use themselves to praise)
"They'll sell you goods" (now mark me, here's the catch)
"For price and quality that none can match":
"To serve you cheap", some say it is their intent,
"And under prime cost sell full ten per cent";
To hide the trick this notice they subjoin,
"They're leaving business for some other fine";
Or else to gull each passing empty block,
"They're selling-off to buy in some new stock".
There's traders who've for years "sold under cost",
Who seem to thrive by what they say they've lost;
They surely only such good souls deceive,
Who live in faith, and all they read believe.
All are not bargains, though they may appear,
For many buy good pennyworths too dear.
Read all their cards, from merchant to the sweep,
They all profess to serve you "good and cheap";
"Reasonable terms and punctuality",
Are words they use without sincerity.
The man of wax is punctual, so he says,
Although he keeps your shoes to mend, ten days.
Jem. Punctuality is sometimes taken ill,
I mean when traders promptly bring their bill.
Though we've in traders pointed out deceptions,
Yet I know some for whom I'll plead exceptions;
One's turned reformer, and, sets good examples
Of honesty, and serves you from the samples.
Bel. That's as it should be, for you this well know,
They mostly sell you what they, do not show.
The tricks of traders have of late increased,
In every way, from greatest to the least;
There's bankers now, for mistresses keep houses
Who have at home conscious honest spouses,
Who keep fools money for then, (so they, say),
But when they want it, break, or run away,
And leave poor John to stare and scratch his pate,
And make like fools, his cautious plans too late:
Like some who caution never took before —
When "dobbin's lost, they shut the stable door".
Some blacking makers have their house in print,
And portrait like as George's from the Mint;
To make you think they're in a thriving way,
They in the back and fore ground trade display;
Have loaded porters is issuing from their floors,
And ships seen freighting; to some distant shores
Each from the print, hopes readers will infer,
He Merchant is, and manufacturer.
Traders, like dancers, will not hesitate
To steal a name, or some one personate:
You know the proverb we in Shakespeare read,
"Who steals my purse makes-me quite poor indeed".
When any one acquires great wealth or fame,
Some imitator will assume the name
Or else conceal his own, and only show
The name he imitates, whom all well know,
And paint it large to catch the passers by,
And "as" or "from" too small to meet the eye,
With this belief, hopes strangers will walk in,
And think they deal with "Todd" not "Manikin";
If you complain and prove you've been mistaken,
They show the little "as" to save their bacon147147. The author must here apologize, particularly to Dancers, for this long digression, and for having deviated from the subject, and introduced so much irrelevant matter, under the head "Professors of Dancing;" but having once touched on the subject of trade, he found it difficult to quit the subject, being led into a longer train of reflection of the tricks and stratagems of certain traders, than he anticipated; and can say with the author of Tristram Shandy, "Let no man say he'll write a duodecimo"..
In trades and callings, and in every art,
They something new and wonderful impart:
It is not to dancing only we're confined,
But have strange projects now of every kind,
Even stones can't now lie quiet in the street (1),
For they Mac Adamizing foes now meet;
From Richmond you'll have water for your tea (2),
And London's to be watered from the sea (3);
And bridges tall as trees, to cross the deep (4),
And under rivers we like moles may creep (5);
Balloons will shortly navigate the sky (6),
And loaded wagons with the mail will vie;
Now on the main, Columbian castles float148148. Alluding to the great American Ship "Columbus".,
And in steam coaches – there's a table d'hôte (7),
Where not as usual, crammed up toes to toes,
But room to promenade, and take repose.
Not projects only, but there's lately been
Strange things achieved, of which we've heard and seen
They now move houses furnished and entire149149. We have lately had an account of an entire house furnished, in which were all the family, being removed a considerable distance from the original , with scarcely any perceptible convulsion.,
With no more shock than whim you stir the fire;
A nail machine150150. A merchant of Gottenburg, of the name of Umgewitz, has invented a machine that will make 10,000 nails in a minute. (some say the devil's in it)
I'm told will make 10000 nails a minute;
Fire-eaters now cool porridge with their breath,
And we've stone-eaters151151. The author was some time ago congratulating a celebrated stone-eater on his extraordinary powers, and the advantages he must derive from such an accommodating stomach these hard times, when the stone-eater openly told him, he had been nearly starved to death before he got his present engagement., nearly starved to death.
The subjects mentioned in figures 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7, allude to the projected improvements now going on.
The soldier's humane trade must soon expire,
As they by steam kill thousands at one fire;
And many other things not less surprising
We hear of, and see daily advertising.
Bel. Pray now inform me, is the reason known,
Why dancing masters have so numerous grown?
Jem. Because some keep a coach, and rise to fame,
Each new pretender hopes to do the same,
And likewise add "professor" to his name,
With hopes like these professors multiply,
And in professions with each other vie;
Fiddlers and players in the art engage,
And those who sweep the ball room and the stage;
A dance in wooden shoes, or clogs, or fetters,
Now qualify a clown152152. Those who have lately noticed and read the various placards, bills, and advertisements relative to dancing, will find that not only every clown, Pantaloon, and Scaramouch, now professes to teach that polite art, but that even every stage struck Daggerwood who has once performed a dance in fetters or wooden shoes, stiles himself "professor", and advertises to teach every department of Fashionable dancing. Who will not now be a "professor of dancing"? What would a stranger think of our fashionable style of dancing, if he knew the qualifications of these professors? to teach his betters.
Read the professions of each stage-buffoon,
Who'll teach you grace, though he's a pantalon;
You'll find each sorry down, who makes wry faces,
Puts out his card as kind with the graces;
They think if they wry faces can impart,
They're qualified to teach the polite art.
There's one thing certain, each teaching Zany
Makes out the adage, that "one fool makes many";
They gain professorships without degrees,
And office take, sans talent, taste, or fees.
It is not those teachers only that I blame,
But many private persons I could name.
Who countenance such quacks, and aid their views.
By which they public confidence abuse;
Who know these teachers plans are to impose
On all who in them confidence repose.
Bel. Many who've been too obstinate to learn,
Go to such teachers who can't faults discern,
Or if they do, their interest you will find,
To faults and errors, always makes them blind;
Ability is not what they request —
Pay the admission – you're a welcome guest
To run, and kick, and flounce about at ease
And make yourself as foolish as you, please;
This they call "Dancing", and this, they say
Is good amusement, and for this they pay.
Jem. At some of their Great Balls", I have seen
Such odd fantastic dancing, I have seen,
That neither rule nor reason could devise,
Such stuff as all good dancer's must surprise.
Bel. There's persons that will any nonsense call
Dancing, and every. petty hop "a ball".
At these mock Balls, in the same dance you'll find,
Styles of all sorts, and steps of every kind;
They stamp and scrape, and kick about and scuffle —
Some jump, some rap their heels, whilst others shuffle;
Not two alike – you'd think them strangers hurled
Together from all countries in the world.
Jem. Call a quadrille, all scramble for a place,
And few but would the post of honour grace,
Perhaps I should say, would themselves disgrace.
I've seen kind souls with wrinkles and grey hairs,
Who couldn't so much as recollect their prayers,
Presume to lead, and the quadrilles direct,
Where thirty figures they should recollect153153. It must be obvious to all who attend public balls, nay, even private parties, that when quadrilles are called, persons will be found contending to take the lead, who cannot explain the figures in a single quadrille, much less those of a whole set. How these quadrilles are danced, can be easily imagined. Although these observations will be found to apply to the majority of dancers, yet it cannot be denied that Ball-room dancing has been much improved since the introduction of quadrilles, and that many amateurs may be found who would make certain professors ashamed of that title.;
They've this advantage – as you mostly find
In such formed sets, the blind there lead the blind.
Bel. With such directors, I'm induced to ask,
How do such dancers there perform their task?
Call up a set – then each his book prepares,
And cons his task, as children do their prayers;
With book in hand, like boys called up to read154154. The majority of Dancers presume to stand up publicly to dance quadrilles before they have learnt them, and depend on learning the figures from the book while standing up in the set. Thus, whilst they are attentively conning their lessons, they frequently lose part of the tune, end in their endeavours to overtake the time, generally spoil the figure, and throw the dance into confusion.,
They stand and cut a sorry sight indeed;
They reading stand, till half the strain is done,
Then in their fright, like bunted rabbits run;
And if by chance, they finish with the strain,
In their confusion, lose the time again.
I've oft observed that when the music stop,
Some would-be Dancers, have not ceased to hop:
Leaders should know the figures well by heart,
And to the set correctly them impart.
But I've seen those by whom the dance was led,
Who have not had two figures in their head:
Of those who take the lead, not one in twenty,
Bat prove, When tried, their upper story's empty;
Those horn book dancers, charitable elves,
Will teach you what they do not know themselves;
They misconstrue the technic terms of art,
And read that wrong; which they should know by heart;
Yet will advise, dictate – nay, some advance,
That they've cut capers at the balls in France.
Bel. How must good dancers laugh at such appeals,
When they survey their sorry heads and heels;
The old first set and Lancers, now is all
You may expect danced at a public ball;
Irish or Scotch in vain may be proposed,
As what's not known is sure to be opposed;
And if they're called, they're danced so very
They run like pigs when drove against their will;
Many from pride, won't own that they don't know,
But headlong they in wrong directions go;
They to the band for various sets will call,
Yet dance the figures of the first to all:
How this occurs, we have good reasons why,
As they are all they know, and all they try.
Jem. Dancing must now be certainly refined,
For all have notions of a different kind:
In the same dance, you'll scarcely ever see
Two strangers dance whose style at all agree;
Some caper, others turn about like wheels,
Some use their toes, and others trust to heels;
Some drag their legs like cripples over the stones,
Whilst others hop as if they'd broken bones
Yet all will tell you they've been taught, and name
Some great Professor, who aspires to fame,
And seem unconscious that there ought to be,
Either grace, science, or propriety:
Should any dance be called, be what it will,
A Spanish dance, a waltz, or a quadrille,
Numbers stand up, and confidence will show,
Though they the steps nor figures either know,
If a quadrille, and some don't know the dance,
To dance it right the others have no chance;
For when the dance begins confusion rages,
Aye, just like madness in its various stages.
Some, lost in doubt, let all the time expire,
Afraid to move, like horses at a fire155155. "Horses at a fire". These animals, it is well know, are so terrified at fire, that it has been often found difficult, sometimes impossible to remove them.;
Others quite run, and often the wrong way,
Neither for music nor their partners stay;
Whilst others oft their folly to defend,
Grow insolent, and for their rights contend156156. "For their rights contend". The right to stand up in dances, is a privilege all claim, however unqualified: a master of the ceremonies has never been allowed the discretionary power of refusing an unqualified person a place in the dance.;
So blunder on, and spoil the figures quite,
By being pushed and pulled to set them right,
Till a quadrille looks like an Irish fight.
Those who car dance, with indignation burn,
And mutter out, "these people ought to learn".
Bel. This to my mind does Pope's reflection bring,
"A little learning, is a dangerous thing";
It is so in dancing; those who little know,
Expose themselves a consequence to show;
Those who've no talent, or no steps to use,
In others mostly excellence abuse,
Declare that "they no inclination feel
To dance with steps, for that is ungenteel".
Jem. This is a proof of ignorance you'll find,
As fools hate science, aye, of every kind;
But sometimes they from pride attempt to gain
What they in others did as faults proclaim157157. "As faults proclaim.". Instances have occurred within the Author's knowledge in which those who have censured others for learning certain dances, have been themselves privately taught the same..
Bel. Vanity in some's incurable, they say,
For that commodity, fools dearly pay.
Jem. You must allow, my dear, we all possess
A share of vanity, some more, some less —
If all were vain enough to strive to be
A Vestris, or a Noblet, we then should see
Some better dancers at our balls, than those
Who now our general companies compose.
The reason people dance so ill, I've stated,
With teachers of the art originated.
Bel. Teachers of dancing, say it to their shame,
In their bad precepts have been most to blame
For teachers should explain, and clearly show,
That none should dance at balls, before they know
Both steps and figures well, and can combine
And make from them one perfect whole design:
And these perform in time, with grace and ease,
Which would the scientific artist please;
These precepts should be clearly shown to all,
As the perfections looked for at a ball;
This is a duty that all teachers owe
Their pupils, and this they really ought to know.
Jem. This all good teachers know, but some you'll find,
For interest, to their credit often blind
For some will ask their pupils – one and all,
To take a ticket, when they have a ball.
No matter whether qualified or not,
They there may dance, if something's to be got —
Just how they please, their teacher won't complain,
His object's not his credit, but his gain.
This practice has of late so general grown,
E'en some great teachers can't the charge disown;
Upon this sanction many fools presume,
They dancing know, and consequence assume:
Dismiss their teachers, as these silly elves
Think they've grown clever, and can teach themselves;
Though they one perfect step can't even show,
Or scarcely do the five positions know;
Yet vainly think that they can dance as well,
As many who in dancing do excel
If they can through the figures go, they'll say,
"I think I now can dance as well as they158158. Many sapient persons, after a few lessons, will, with the view of saving money, as they suppose, leave their masters, and endeavour to instruct themselves; for which purpose, they go to Balls and Dances, to pick up, (as their phrase is) as much dancing as they want.
"Who've been two quarters; I'll no longer pay,
"I can instruct myself – to balls I'll go,
"And there pick up those figures I don't know".
These are their notions, this is what they say,
These are opinions uttered every day;
I mean by those conceited silly guests,
Who every public ball room now infest —
Teachers have been encouragers, it is plain,
Of all the innovations we complain;
Who, in the end, will find out to their cost,
They've with their credit, likewise pupils lost.
Bel. Lucy! here, step this way! Is that the rain
That rattles? – Hark! I hear it now quite plain.
Lucy. It rains dreadfully! Why, it really pours: —
I wouldn't to night a dog turn out of doors.
The musicians are come in like drowning rats,
The water ran in streams off both their hats.
Bel. You'd better send them in, that we may hear
What new quadrilles they generally play here.
Lucy. They cannot come till they their clothes have dried,
By getting wet, poor mister Strummer died;
He played in his wet clothes one night, I'm told,
At Caper's ball, and died through getting cold;
Alas! poor man! he often said, that he,
When Mrs. Strummer died, would marry me.
Jem. Pho', never mind, if mister Strummer's gone,
I warrant you'll soon get as good a one;
A girl like you will sweethearts have in plenty,
Lucy. I'm told the loss of one's the gain of twenty.
Jem. Lucy, now go and send the music in,
They will amuse us till we can begin.
Lucy. I'll send them in as soon as they have got
Well dried, and had a drop of something hot.
Bel. We can't begin just yet, so pray, go on
With the same subject we were last upon;
Or else on public balls, for there's a field
That will, I'm sure, a plenteous harvest yield.
Jem. True, that's a subject which attention calls,
I mean those various titled public balls;
Which are so often advertised by those,
Whose plan is on all strangers to impose
Their schemes, by whom got up, of whom composed,
I can explain, it is time they were exposed.
It is not intended these remarks should be
Applied to dancers of celebrity;
But to pretenders who infest the town,
And strive to pass for teachers of renown
And others, whom I've known as fiddlers, waiters,
Gallimaufry men159159. "Gallimaufry men". Those are so called, who hold entertainments of a mixed kind, dancing, singing, &c. and sometimes juggling; the company regale themselves during the performance, and the performers are generally remunerated by a collection made with a hat or plate. The greater part of advertised Public Balls are held by characters who can have no pretensions for holding them, except the hope of gain, which they endeavour to effect by using such means as will be explained in subsequent remarks., and undertakers
And many others, who've no better claim —
Yet in large placards, they grand balls proclaim;
I've been to all that I've seen advertised,
When I describe them, you will be surprised.
Bel. Perhaps you're not aware that I have been
Myself to several, and strange things have seen.
Jem. Then you much better can appreciate,
The truth of what I'm going to relate;
And what escapes my notice, you must try
To recollect, and all the chasms supply.
Bel. I will with pleasure – that you may rely;
I'm anxious now my dear to hear from you,
Of all these balls, a full correct review.
Jem. To all these various teachers' balls I've been;
And all their tricks and stratagems have seen;
I'll tell you briefly what they are, and give
You information how these people live,
Who hold such balls – they mostly do assume
The names of teachers, and do oft presume
To use great teachers' names, and say they've been
Pupils, though they've such persons never seen;
Or at some theatre of great renown,
Declare they've danced, and thus they gull the town;
Or, if they ever have been taught, you'll find
It is hornpipes, reels, or dances of that kind.
Or else a quarter's dancing at the most,
Is all these great professors e'er can boast;
Yet at their Balls they often advertise,
Such strange anomalies, as must surprise
All those who've etiquette and dancing seen,
And at-well regulated balls have been.
These teachers have no fame to lose, so they
Care nothing what they either do or say;
Should you enquire for items in their bill,
And urge their public promise to fulfil;
Then they excuse themselves, say what you name
Cannot be done – they're either ill or lame160160. The author has known more than one of these great professors, who, recollecting that "Comparisons are odious," have always avoided dancing at their own balls, and to prevent suspicions of the real cause, have generally pretended to be ill or lame..
One tells the World his ball will be a treat161161. One great Professor endeavours to give importance to his Balls by advertising seats in the gallery; those who know him and his connections, declare that such as could be amused by the performance, can have little knowledge of dancing.,
And in the gallery they may have a seat;
But those who know him and his pupils, say
They neither dancing, taste, nor grace display.
Sometimes "Six harps, with two full bands" combined162162. Several of these Professors seem to consider tousle more attractive than dancing, as the announcement of two full bands, or six harps, forms the leading feature in their bills of fare. One has lately put forth a tricking bill, in which "six harps and two bands" form the principal feature, but on closer inspection, the word "neither", in small type, was placed before "six harps", and "nor", before "two bands". See page 40.,
Are leading features in their bill you'll find —
If at a Tavern they should hold their ball163163. Obscure individuals often advertise balls at great taverns, wholly depending on the credit of the house for company.,
Tavern's the most conspicuous word of all;
They on the place depend, not on their name,
Thus strive to profit by the tavern's fame;
They form the bills, the passers by to catch,
Bel. And I know some that with them I can match;
Have been myself by these delusions caught,
And my experience I have dearly bought;
At these pretended balls where I have been,
I've never any thing like dancing seen;
To see the minuet (that appropriate dance
To open with) you never have a chance:
Instead of which, a hornpipe, or a reel,
Or else from mother Goose a dance they steal164164. A popular burlesque dance in the pantomime of "Mother Goose".;
By way of interlude, they often chase,
To show their skill and their dear selves amuse,
To dance in fetters, or in wooden shoes165165. The author has in his possession ball bills, in which "dances in fetters", and "wooden shoes", are mentioned as forming part of the fashionable ball room dances of the evening..
Jem. At a grand ball, not far from Temple Bar,
I saw some guests who did a minuet mar; v
They scraped about, as children do at school,
For bows, they bobbed, like dab chicks in a pool:
Their arms when raised, how shall I them define?
For even Euclid has no parallel line;
Their fingers were devoid of grace and ease,
And stiff, projecting like a chevaux de frieze;
And their poor feet, for want of turning, went —
I can't describe – and then their knees they bent.
Whether from fear, or knowing all not right,
They looked like hares, when started in a fright:
And in the face, from doubt or some such cause,
They seemed to merit pity, not applause.
They raised their hats, not with a graceful ease
That would a d'Egville, or a Vestris please;
It was pure methodic, nothing like mishap,
Just as a bear herd holds his cadging cap.
They danced, not as our Shakespeare166166. It is evident that Shakspeare was an admirer of the waving line, (the characteristic of the minuet), as, in the Winter's Tale, he makes Florizel say to Perdita, "When you dance, I wish you a wave of the sea". wished to see,
To sink and rise like waving of the sea;
For they the gentle waving line never used,
But all the laws of art and grace abused.
This surely is enough to make yon say,
Let none dance minuets, who can't grace display.
Their guests are mostly sorry sort of sparks,
Composed of prentices, and barber's clerks,
Who've never seen a ball; nor can they show,
That they the manners of the ball room know;
They've only been to hops, called balls by those
Whose aim is on all parties to impose.
At these grand balls I've seen strange people dance,
Not quite au fait, as I have seen in France;
But quite devoid of figures, steps, and grace,
Who know not etiquette, their side, nor place
Whose awkwardness was like, if I compare,
A stupid bear herd, and his dancing bear.
Jem. I've seen a self-taught beau, and his dear charmer,
In dancing, look just like two hogs in armour;
The holders of such Balls but seldom care,
How awkward or how foolish guests appear.
Such teachers say their companies they choose,
"And Balls are quite select" – ye never refuse
For pay, servants, apprentices, or peddling Jews;
Take all who come, money's their only aim,
They neither care for dancing, nor for fame;
But should a dancer, or known teacher, call167167. A well-known professor who prints a flaming bill, and proposes to teach every department of the art, at one of his Public Balls attended the door himself, for the avowed purpose of keeping out every professed dancer who might apply, whether with admission tickets or not--the reason he gave for this very extraordinary seclusion was, that their object was either to make impertinent remarks, or to draw away his pupils.
And ask of them admission to their ball,
Heed be refused, for those imposing elves,
Keep out all dancers better than themselves;
They know comparisons would odious be,
As their defects their guests would plainly see:
If teachers come with tickets, they're abused,
If they persist, they only get accused
Of bringing tickets forged, or else they cry,
"I've found you out, you come here as a spy";
To justify themselves would be in vain,
Abuse and scandal's all they would obtain.
I know an instance where the like occurred,
Where the professor to declare was heard,
Heed let no dancers in, in any way,
Whether they'd tickets, or proposed to pay.
Bel. I know the man; and what you have related,
Is strictly true, and not exaggerated.
From pride and envy these quacks can't agree,
Though all are of the same fraternity
Though each would trick all those within their reach,
They'd yet like thieves their brother rogues impeach;
As traders who run down each other's shop,
So dancers call each rival's ball, a hop.
With envy they hypocrisy unite,
And oft shake hands, when each from spleen coued fight;
Will how at passing, and cry, how do you do?
Though tacitly each other Sacre Dieu!
Jem. To advertise new rooms, some feel no shame,
Though they for thirty years have been the same168168. One professor lately advertised "New dancing academy", which, on inspection, turned out to be the very rooms he had occupied for years, and which had been quitted by his predecessor in the same line for a more eligible situation..
Bel. With some folks now, a handsome room is all
The requisites they look for at a ball;
Instead of dances, rooms they advertise,
A chandelier the place of steps supplies.
They've "Decorations" in a striking line,
And with it "New embellishments" combine;
Chassées nor coupées dare not show their face,
Nor can you find one single line on grace:
They always tell you, lest you should not hear,
When they hang up a lamp or chandelier.
E'en when they sweep the cobwebs with a broom,
And every time they white-wash up their room169169. It has lately been the practice of certain teachers, whenever they white-wash, or repair their rooms, to put forth a pompous advertisement, detailing not terms of dancing, but "decorations, superb establishment, lamps, chandeliers, &c. &c." on which they appear to rely, more than on their own ability.,
They advertise "their rooms done up anew",
If only white-washed, that will prove it true.
Though they themselves should wield the brush, they'll say
It was done by some great artist of the day;
Sometimes they tell you what the rooms have cost,
And for your pleasure how much time they've lost;
And that your comfort only is their care,
And make their decorations bills of fare:
Tell you of mirrors to reflect the face,
But no reflections as to steps and grace;
Mention the hundreds that their rooms will hold,
Jem. Their numbers have too many O's I'm told.
Bel. These modest souls in fiction like to frolic,
And sometimes be a little hyperbolic;
Just like some statesmen, who delight to vapour,
And make a crooked line seem straight on paper.
Therefore don't wonder, if these mean tacticians,
Are not ashamed of such trite impositions.
Bel. I've never heard, perhaps you can explain,
How these ball holders do such numbers gain;
To visit their grand balls, as it is well known,
That most of them are to the town unknown.
Jem. It is from good souls who've neither taste nor wit,
Who think a teacher's bill's like holy writ;
Who never reflect, but say as others say,
And are by hearsay stories led away.
Who've neither sense nor talent to dispute,
Whom Nature's made a species of the brute:
Such are their guests, and such these teachers suit.
To pick up guests, our great professors go
To every petty dance, hop, ball, or show;
And there distribute bills and cards, to those
Who do those motley companies compose.
In booths at fairs, they've canvassing been seen,
At Peckham, Deptford, Bow, and Stepney Green;
To fill their rooms, they tickets give to all
That will accept them, for their public ball.
When they together get this motley host,
Of numbers and connection they will boast,
Though not to half a dozen known at most.
Some give to girls (I ladies should them call),
Tickets for distribution for their ball
How, when and where they canvass, they're not nice,
In chapel, playhouse, or upon the ice170170. The author was told by a gentleman as a fact, that he was applied to one Sunday evening at chapel, by a lady unknown to him, who after some short conversation, offered him tickets for the ball of one of these professors. — And two of the author's pupils, whilst skating on the serpentine, were applied to by a lady with whom they were unacquainted, to take similar tickets. —
All's one to them, the chapel, or the play,
They go to canvass, not to learn and pray.
When Irving raves, they only stare and nod,
And court, not listen, to the word of God.
Richard unheeded, for a horse may call,
Whilst they make parties for professor's ball;
It is always ladies who perform this task,
Not such as dare not of men a favour ask;
Who run and scream, and muffle up their eyes,
And if men only look, affect surprise.
But those who think such notions affectation,
And talk to men without much reservation,
And trust a kiss may not be ruination.
Such are the ladies, such the means they try,
And thus with guests the ball room they supply.
They search for those who can, or try to dance,
Set down their names, wherever they have a chance
Of bringing one their viands to partake,
And pay for hat or cloak, for custom sake171171. When the proprietors of these Balls are asked by the visitors the reasons they are not allowed to take their hats into the ball room, and through officious care, are compelled to pay for the unwilling detention--the plea is, "the usual custom".:
They gain addresses, invitations send
For their grand balls, to Mister A---, and friend172172. The author knows several persons who have received tickets for Balls in the above manner, who had no knowledge of the party from whom they came, but concluding it could not be from strangers, have attended, when the ball proved to be nothing more than a common hop; in the numerous invitations to which they have been included (though they were not acquainted with the proprietor) for the evident purpose of gain, from refreshment, hat, cloak money, &c. &c.
Who reads and wonders how these tickets came,
(As he, professor knows not e'en by name),
Much more to think how he's deserved the same:
Or how he had the great professor served,
Or by what means such friendship he deserved.
He yet conceives, though he don't recollect,
It must be sent through knowledge and respect;
He goes determined, if he dance or not,
To see some old acquaintance heed forgot:
Expects professor will some notice take,
And by the hand to have a friendly shake.
But what must be the visitor's surprise,
Professor never before had met his eyes;
Nor does he come to meet congratulation,
Not e'en the usual friendly salutation:
But passes by to serve a glass of grog,
With something like the manners of a hog;
The mystery's now developed, and the guest
May very easily discern the rest.
This is enough, if visitors attend,
To prove the friendship of this liberal friend:
And what his motives are before they go,
The hat and coffee scheme will let them know.
They find professor knows not one in twenty,
He cares not who they are, if they drink plenty;
The present guests they mostly re-invite,
And furnish tickets for their friend's next night.
Next day, fresh invitations go to all
They think will come to their forth-coming ball;
For they like strangers who have not been caught,
This is the way fresh companies are brought.
There's some pragmatic teachers (that's well known),
Who would not Vestris their superior own:
Whose pride does with their vanity keep pace,
But then such pride would e'en a fool disgrace.
As they to hops at public houses go,
And there become a sort of rare show;
Yet not as guests do they such balls attend,
But as directors, there to superintend:
And have their names in print, that they may be
Kings of the hop, or gallimaufry.
Bel. Is this their pride? then all the world must know,
Their pride is like the peacock's, noise and show,
Jem. For etiquette, these Balls are not you'll see,
What Almack's is, or Connolly's used to be,
Confined to dancing, and the most refined,
Which was, and is, with etiquette combined:
For at these balls, where our professors go,
There's all the tricks and mummery of a show:
And as to guests, they're lowest of the low.
Here sorry toss-pots these professors own,
And to the vilest trulls they must be known;
Pie-men, lolly-pop, and hay-band makers,
Daffers, duffers, mop-stick weavers, and undertakers,
Oft constitute the guests at these grand balls173173. That there should be such balls, Ball holders and Ball guests ought not to excite surprize, but that the professors alluded to should feel pride in identifying' themselves with such concerns, must appear extraordinary to those who know the parties, and have witnessed their constant boastings of their connections and abilities, as well as their challenges to all the town.,
Dispute precedence, and demand the calls.
The conduct of the guests whom you find there,
Is such as you would meet with at a fair:
For they not only smoke, drink, dance, and sing,
But show you wonders with the balls and ring.
Between the dances (whilst you recreate)
A sword, sometimes, you see a fellow eat:
And hear professor oft attention call,
For siffleurs174174. The author possesses ball bills announcing performances similar with the above. and chin music175175. Chin music is a noise, or sort of music produced by striking the knuckles upon the chin, and has long formed an amusement for low and vulgar people: is mostly performed at fairs, and has been lately introduced to vary the entertainments of some of these Balls, or rather gallimaufry exhibitions, held under the name and pretence of "Grand Balls," and conducted by some of the professors alluded to. at the ball.
Uncloaked and smoking, in a wicker chair,
Sits Shakespeare's Richard (says the bill of fare),
Who drops his pipe, and starts, to make folks stare.
When he's tugged hard "in king Cambyses' vein",
The tensor then becomes himself again.
Silvester Daggerwoods do here resort,
To make a benefit, as well as sport
Poor Terpsichore would here in sackcloth weep,
To see such dancing, as would shame a sweep.
For Ball's a mere pretence, for you might bring
Sots, P--- and W---, to drink, smoke, dance, and sing;
To balls like these, do our professors lend
Their names, and personally such balls attend.
Bel. How can such great professors like to go,
(Like petty drivellers at a penny show,
To rank themselves the lowest of the low?
Jem. To them these petty hops such joys supply,
As Cuffs and Almack's, their low taste deny;
They're all "grand balls", for so they say in print,
Whether they're in Saint Giles's, or the Mint.
Bel. And some of those whom our professor graces,
Are often held there, or in such like places,
They every thing nickname and magnify,
That on their words in print you can't rely.
Jem. You know "the man of words, and not of deeds,
Is like a garden that is full of weeds".
They're like the nurse who said, (as fables go)
She to the wolf the peevish child would throw;
The wolf over heard it, and believed the nurse,
But in the end her lying tongue did curse;
For she never meant to do as she proposed,
So on the wolf's credulity imposed
Who, tired of waiting, hungry walked away,
And curses lies and liars to this day.
There are professors who delight in noise,
And treat their guests as they would little boys
To call a dance they now a trumpet blow176176. It has lately been the practice with some professors of dancing when they have a ball, to call up their company to the dances, (i. e. to their places in the dance) with a charge on the trumpet, instead of the ever-commanding voice of the master of the ceremonies; thus making the ball room resemble a field of Mars, rather than the Temple of Terpsichore. It is done to give the idea of the company being too numerous to be summoned by the master's voice.What next will form a feature in their bill,None can devise--- 'tis past all human skill.,
As showmen gather children round a show:
Who hear the trumpet, then take to their legs,
In hopes to see some phoenix, or cock's eggs,
Or learned pig, or mermaid newly taken,
Or some kind pair, who've claimed the flitch of bacon177177. At the Manor of Dunmow, in Essex, according to ancient custom, the steward gives a flitch of bacon to any married couple having been married a year and a day, who kneeling on two sharp stones in the church-yard, will swear they have not transgressed their nuptial vow, had no domestic strife, offended each other in word or deed, wished themselves unmarried, or repented. It appears that the gift has been obtained only six times during the last four hundred years, (videlicet) three times before the dissolution of monasteries in the reign of Henry 8th, and thrice since that period..
So our professors trope their guests will race,
And sans decorum, scramble for a place;
Bel. The baby guests may run at such a call,
But not discreet frequenters of a ball:
It none can please, except some baby guest,
Jem. I could name scores that ball rooms now infest.
Bel. It is done to make fools think there'll be a crowd,
Where human voice can't reach, however loud;
But some will view them in another light,
And think a crowd may sometimes breed a fight.
That fights at Balls are sadly out of place,
And must the Ball and Ball holders disgrace.
A trumpet might be proper at Vauxhall,
As persons there might stray beyond a call;
But in the ball room, there's no such pretence,
It is done to make their ball of consequence.
There's one professor, aye, of whom you've heard,
Put out a ball bill, pompous and absurd;
It was an attempt at wit, but such rare stuff,
To read it you would find three lines enough;
And say it was only fit (the muse may weep)
To read, to lull an Alderman to sleep,
Professor said it was meant to make a hit,
But as some phrase it, here "it did not fit".
I've now forgot the wording, but I will
Some future day, produce you this choice bill178178. Though the author has unfortunately mislaid the ball bill to which he has above alluded, and which is a curious specimen of doggrel, bombast, and extravagance; yet he hopes to be able to present it to the reader in a future edition.;
But it is such wit, and so devoid of sense,
To read it through you need have recompense.
Bel. There's few you'll find, but really think they've wit,
And these good souls are fond of using it
On all occasions, whether wrong or right,
They thrust it out, however dull and trite;
And seem to chuckle when they've had their say,
And wonder folks don't laugh as well as they;
And often say they'll tell a funny tale,
Which when rehearsed, turns out quite dull and stale.
They strive with nonsense laughter to provoke,
And laugh with others at each thread-bare joke.
Jem. Such shallow wits but on the surface creep,
And never talk on subjects very deep;
As they've so small a stock, and no supply,
Just like some springs in summer, often dry;
And what they borrow you with ease may know,
And find it word for word in honest Joe.
Your would be wit will stare, and hesitate,
For want of words, and scratch his empty pate;
Then strike his head (to cry out "fool" not willing),
Which being empty, rings like a cracked shilling.
To find real wit you need adopt the plan,
On which Diogenes sought an honest man.
Bel. Balls have like churches lately multiplied,
Though not with equal pious guests supplied.
Jem. Balls formerly were places of resort,
For only the genteel, and better sort
Of company, where strict decorum reigned,
And where admission was not easy gained;
Where none were seen you'd be ashamed to own,
Where rudeness and ill manners were unknown.
The etiquette preserved would plainly show,
The most fastidious moralist might go.
We've yet some balls that well deserve the name,
Which have unsullied still preserved their fame;
This these Professors know and use their wit,
To form their bills these balls to counterfeit.
They try all sorts of titles that will strike
The eye, no matter what, or how unlike
The usual titles, novelty they say
Will please John Bull, for which he'll always pay.
Cheap dancing too these ball holders well know,
Will many suit and many tempt to go;
They therefore in their ball bills oft pretend,
By friendly titles, dancers to befriend.
Some are "Free balls" termed – some they "friendly call",
These are but lures to get you to the ball;
Direct, or indirect, you pay at all.
How, and by what means it is done I'll clearly show,
As I the system of these gentry know.
If these Ball holders cannot boast of gain,
From the admissions, yet they do obtain
A profit on the various things they vend,
From cloaks and hats179179. The profits arising from cloaks and hats has long been considered by the holders of these balls as an annuity, which is raised by levying a tax on all comers, ladies as well as gentlemen — the usual demand on each Lady is sixpence, and never less, but sometimes more, on each gentleman. Some of the proprietors of these balls, or "professors" as they stile themselves, (though many of them notwithstanding they assume that title, have no more knowledge of dancing than some M. P.'s have of legislation), boast of gaining nightly two or three pounds by this practice, which, together with the profits they gain by liquors and refreshments support their establishments. Therefore, they do not depend on their abilities as teachers, to procure pupils; the quality either of the dancer or of the guest, is to them of no importance, numbers being all they want, to attain which, tickets are distributed amongst the company, but chiefly to the ladies, who they trust can influence the gentlemen; and thus large companies are obtained., and what the guest may spend,
Some wholly live; whatever they pretend.
From these and other stratagems are gained,
More profit than by teaching is obtained:
Another source of profit some devise,
By which they slyly cozen the excise,
By mixing liquors without licensed leave180180. It has become a common practice not only to vend coffee, tea, and other unexcisable articles, but also wine, beer, &c. and mixed liquors of all, kind without license, to the injury not only of the revenue, but of the fair trader.
To sack the profit and excise deceive.
Some take one license, just by way of blind181181. Some of these ball holders take one license only, under which they sell all the above articles and risque detection, but to sell them legally would require three separate licenses.,
Yet wines and liquors sell of every kind;
With ale and porter, bottled beer, and stout,
Yet all plead ignorance when they're found out.
Bel. To sell without a license, I suppose,
Would any vendor to some fine expose.
Jem. To sell what I have named and be secure,
Three separate licenses you must procure;
To sell without is risk – the law abounds
With penalties for each – some fifty pounds182182. The penalty for the sale of any excisable article without license, is £50..
But these ball holders nothing have in view,
But gain, for which they cheat the revenue;
Their guests for this are not the better treated,
They and the revenue alike are cheated.
To save the spirits mix it sweet and hot,
That from each shilling eight – pence may be got:
Their wine's not only in short measure sent,
But must in quality yield cent per cent.
With these inducements balls have multiplied,
Where new Professors with the old have vied;
Not as instructors, but who caters best,
And gains the most by viands from their guests.
Bel. Instead of dancing masters, they should write
"Unlicensed victuallers", then their title's right;
The term "professor's" used by way of lure,
To make their guests believe they're quite secure.
Jem. These quacks care not who dance ill or well,
If they can plenty of refreshments sell
That's their main object, though it's not confessed,
For that they strive to fill their room with guests.
This to effect they tickets give to all
They know or hear of, to attend their ball.
Numbers they want, and those who spend their cash
To show their consequence and cut a dash;
Who ask the ladies what they like to choose,
And seem offended when the belles refuse.
And those who drink for nought but drinking sake,
And will insist all present shall partake;
And those who of long reckonings make a boast,
And pride themselves that they have paid the most;
Who won't dispute the items in the bill,
If wrong cast up – who never takes it ill
Who never reflect, and whose resolves are vain,
Who, Ranger183183. "Ranger". A character in the comedy of The Suspicious Husband. like, – next night return again.
Such are the guests they want, not those who are
Economists, and rigid sons of care;
Who only come to dance but never stay,
Like some, to stagger home at break of day;
Who stand in every dance and scarce take breath,
Who fiddlers say, will dance them all to death;
Who always hold that ancient maxim right,
That says, "for health", to bed by twelve at night;
Not those who with the doctors do agree,
Never to take refreshment after tea
And if they do, then nothing more will take
Beyond an orange, or some trifling cake.
They at their rooms never want such guests as these,
Who bring no profit, therefore cannot please.
For such as these, those great professors say,
"Who only come to dance may stay away;
Such prudent frugal guests will never pay".
Bel. We've here digressed, but this digression's shown
Me some strange practices till now unknown.
Jem. I'll now begin with what some often call,
And often advertise, "A grand dress ball184184. The remarks and animadversions on this, and the various other public balls mentioned in this work, are not meant to apply to those eminent teachers, or to the Balls held by public societies, but only to such as are advertised by those self-created, self-entitled professors alluded to in this work.";
You, from their title, might expect to find
Good company, with elegance combined.
But at those balls you must not be surprised,
If expectations are not realized.
To one of those dress balls one night I went,
When I got there, to my astonishment,
I found, instead of dashing belles and beaux,
Their guests trimmed out in Monmouth street fine clothes.
I made enquiries, who, and what they were,
And found some gents retailers in rag fair:
With maids of all work, and some men of lace,
In borrowed suits, this grand dress ball to grace.
But their disguise could not impose on me,
As by their manners I could plainly see,
They neither had the manner, speech, nor gait,
Of those they vainly strove to imitate.
There was not one well dressed amongst them all,
It was quite a mockery of a grand dress ball;
Nothing like rule or order found I there,
It was noise, dust, drinking, just like Greenwich fair.
Their grand balls are the next upon rotation,
On which I now shall make some observation.
Grand is a title which they always call
Each petty hop, that they misname a ball;
To misapply the term they feel no shame,
As all they want is some good striking name.
They try all sorts of titles that will strike
The eye, no matter what, or how unlike;
A striking title's all they have in view,
They care not what, so it be great and new.
The title "grand" on many does impose,
Who know not what they are, and will suppose,
They're what they should be, not what oft they are
A rabble, only fit to grace a fair.
A fight is as usual now at such a ball,
As to see herrings retailed at a stall.
Bel. You from their titles really might expect
Good dancing, and a company select.
Jem. There ought to be, but you will scarce believe
How shamefully the public they deceive;
As I've just said, their company you'll find,
Are such as frequent hops of every kind;
Therefore should you find genteel people there,
It is those imposed on by their bills of fare.
The dancing which you'll find at their grand balls,
Next for remarks and reprehension calls;
Quadrilles well danced, the waltz performed with ease,
And grace that would the most fastidious please
You never see – but shuffling sort of stuff,
That Akenside calls "Dancing in the rough",
And coincides with jumping, not what we
Have at a real grand ball been used to see.
At these quack teachers' balls, the dancers may
Stand up and hop about in their own way;
Wrong for right, which ever way they choose,
And every rule of science may abuse;
For dancing they such hotch-potch substitute,
That brings this polite art to disrepute.
Bel. I saw at one of those grand balls you name,
Dancing one night a bouncing city dame,
Who goes to balls, but hops as she were lame.
And many who had steps in great profusion,
But wrong applied, whose feet seemed all confusion.
Jem. The appropriate steps these dancers never use,
But hop, and run about like wrangling Jews;
With bawling, "this way, sir", through there, "begin again",
Some push, some pull, some of the band complain.
From rule and order here, they seem exempt,
And often treat professor with contempt.
Bel. Without connection, it is the strangest thing,
How to these balls they can such numbers bring.
Jem. They issue tickets out, that will admit
From two to twenty, just as you think fit.
If you could fill the room, they'd tickets give,
They by refreshment, not by dancing live;
They care not who the guest may be, not they,
If he for coffee, hat, and partner pay185185. Coffee is the usual beverage at these balls, of which the whole company are expected to partake — each Gentleman is presented with a coffee ticket, for which he generally pays before he enters the ball room, and likewise one for his partner, (should he bring one); on this, and the profit made from other refreshments, and the charges for hats, cloaks, &c. the proprietors wholly depend, the tickets being mostly given away; their object is to obtain numbers..
Bel. The numbers there collected, oft impose
On strangers who too frequently suppose
It is all connection, but not half a score,
To these Professors have been known before.
Jem. As I've described such are the plans of all
Those petty teachers, and those hops they call
"Grand balls" – this subject I'll take up again,
And these Grand Balls more fully will explain.
The balls they call select, shall next by me
Be here explained; you then at once will see,
How far they with their title do agree.
They often use the terms, Grand and Select186186. The Author has in his possession several bills and placards of "select balls" held by different parties; of all those where he has been company have been indiscriminately admitted, either by tickets or payment of money at the door, notwithstanding the conditions in the bill (for select company); but professions and performances seemed quite incompatible with these professors, as all comers were welcome guests.,
In their announcements – this is puff direct,
For in one visit you'll the cheat detect.
To gain access you need of no petition,
Offer them money – then you'll gain admission.
Bel. But do they all their companies select?
Jem. I'll tell you how this matter they effect.
These teachers use the term "select", but care
No more who comes, than showmen at a fair;
Nor how they bring a company, not they,
But call them all good company that pay —
Their companies are quite select, I'll show,
For they select out every one they know.
Bel. How do they ladies so select obtain?
Who are their gentlemen? You'll perhaps explain.
Jem. They ransack booths at fairs, and petty hops,
And canvass all straw hat, and milliners' shops
For ladies – for such are ladies, one and all;
Bel. Aye, every girl's a lady at a ball.
Jem. Their gentlemen you'll find are much the same,
They're gentlemen in little but the name;
They're not quite what Lord Chesterfield would call
Fit gentlemen to visit a grand ball:
Who never contend nor scramble for a place,
Who take and leave their partners with a grace;
Who would five hours in the rain or cold,
Wait for their partners, and never frown or scold.
They don't resemble those, I fear you'll say,
They clap and hiss like dustmen at a play;
Dictate the hand, and amidst quadrilles call reels,
And silence claim, by rattling with their heels:
Contend for places, claim the top by right,
And when proved wrong, maintain the place by might.
Demand a call, but when it's named can't show
That they the figures, steps, or music know;
They less politeness to each other employ,
Than our old foes showed us, at Fontenoy187187. It is related that at the commencement of the battle of Fontenoy, the English and French guards were drawn up opposite each other, and so near as to be within hearing, where they remained sometime motionless, waiting for each others fire: when the French Commander called out, "the French guards are waiting for the gentlemen of the English guards to fire first". Read this ye modern ball room dancers — and confess that comparisons are odious..
Bel. There's this excuse, if it can he allowed,
They to politeness never yet have bowed,
On men and manners they've no strictures made,
Know only Cocker, and the tricks of trade.
Of Chesterfield they've never read one word,
And Rochefaucault's a name they never heard;
You might as well to them in Coptic preach,
As famed Galateo's genteel precepts teach.
They never heard of Bacon, West, or Locke,
And ball room etiquette their nerves does shock;
They're only versed in Tom and Jerry flash,
And that they use, as spendthrifts do their cash.
The dancing at these balls you'll seldom find,
Either to rule or reason is confined;
Professor's object's not who may excel
In dancing, but what viands he may sell;
He never preaches abstinence, nor says
"Late hours and drinking shorten people's days";
Nor recommends the guests to pause, add think
Of home, and of long reckonings there they drink.
If with his viands they increase his bill,
And should get tipsy, he'll not take it ill —
Such are the guests they always like to choose,
And thus they do the term "select" abuse.
The public with these balls they oft deceive,
For strangers by their titles oft believe
That they with scrupulous nicety do choose
Their company, and at these balls refuse
All persons who can't prove their reputation
Is far above a low and grovelling station,
In means and manners, and quite fit to grace
Almack's, or any other splendid place;
But they're mistaken, as I'll prove to you,
The holders of these Balls have no such view;
For they've no scruples who they may admit,
For money's all they want to make you fit.
Without a question, pay but at the door,
They will admit you, though never seen before.
They're not concerned when they've your money got,
How you can dance, or if you dance or not
A stranger at these balls might be surprised,
To find them only common hops disguised.
That you may now fresh information gain,
"Characteristic balls" I'll next explain.
The holders of these balls would be afraid,
To give their proper name, "A masquerade";
"Characteristic's" to evade the law,
And keep these gentry from the lion's paw;
But "Masquerade" they dare not advertise,
As that at once the Police would apprise
Of their illegal tricks, which might perchance
To prison lead these gentlefolks a dance;
Where they'd be made to dance against their will,
By taking steps upon the Treading Mill.
To have these balls the holders must receive,
Either the Chamberlain's license or his leave189189. Leave is on some occasions granted for a single night to parties who have no permanent license.;
Without such leave, all parties in the place
May be imprisoned, and fined with the disgrace
Of being convicted by the Vagrant act,
Some late transactions prove this is the fact190190. A circumstance of this kind (which must be in the recollection of some of the readers) occurred in the year 1822. at the Assembly Rooms, in Kirby Street, Hatton Garden, then kept by a mister Smith, but now in the occupation of the Author of this work.Mister Smith was in the habit of letting his rooms indiscriminately for Masquerades and Public Dancing, though repeatedly cautioned on the illegality and danger of such proceedings; yet, the practice was continued till the Magistrates unexpectedly caused the parties to be apprehended on a warrant, under the Act 25th Geo. 2nd. The Proprietor could not be found; the company (after being detained in custody all night, and part of the next day, when they were publicly exposed, and reprimanded,) were at last permitted to depart, and with difficulty escaped the Tread Mill.A more recent instance has also occurred:A company of fifty persons who had assembled at mister Jackson's rooms, Ship Yard, Temple Bar, were taken before Sir Richard Birnie at the Public Office, Bow Street, on Tuesday 28th December, 1824; they were accompanied by mister Jackson, who was charged with holding Dancing Assemblies illegally, in unlicensed rooms. Mister J. observed, that no money had been taken at the doors, and handed in a ticket, the price of which appeared to be 3s. 6d. to admit a Lady and Gentleman. The Magistrate considered this an attempt at evading a license, but upon mister Lowe, a musician, stating that he had sold the tickets for his annual benefit, and that mister J. had lent him the rooms, and the officers stating that there was no person of known bad character among the company, the Magistrate was satisfied, and dismissed the charge, merely recommending the dancers to be cautious of assembling in unlicensed rooms.For a more particular account of this transaction, see "The News" of 2nd January, 1825.Though it appears the charge against these parties was dismissed, yet, had it been pressed, under the Act of Geo. 2nd, the Magistrate would have been compelled to send them to prison, and Mr. J. might also have been perhaps nearly ruined, through doing what he might have considered only as an act of humanity..
To evade the law they try another way,
And give out tickets gratis191191. Many holders of Masquerades give admission tickets, in order to evade the law, but by way of compensation oblige the company to hire dresses of them, for which most extravagant charges are always made., but then they
Expect you will of them your dresses hire,
And pay for them whatever they require.
They know the Chamberlain will never give
Sanction to them, nor license while they live;
They therefore by fictitious title, call a masquerade, "Characteristic ball".
They run all risques, as gain is their intent,
And disregard the acts of Parliament
They hire rooms, and care not what disgrace
They bring upon the company, or the place.
Although they call their company select,
Yet their good word alone will not protect
Them always – two instances I have seen,
At Bow street, and Saint Martin's lane, I mean192192. The whole company at the assembly rooms in Saint Martin's Lane, and at Duke's Court, Bow Street, were lately taken up on warrants under the Act before referred to. From the latter place where a masquerade was held) several were committed as vagabonds to the house of correction — the proprietors escaped in both instances; but such of the company as were not committed, were publicly exposed and reprimanded.:
Where the whole company were lately caught,
And to the magistrate by force were brought;
And some to durance vile, remorseless sent,
And all were publicly exposed who went.
The ladies were all persons of renown,
And most of them well known by half the town;
Bat some real gentlemen with them were brought,
But they by chance were there decoyed and caught.
The dancing laws193193. Tavern keepers and publicans generally appear to be ignorant of the existence of the Act for the regulation of public amusement, much more to the penalties which they often incur. The only danger they apprehend, is from late hours and improper company, and in order to protect themselves from any risk on this account, they generally procure the attendance of a Peace Officer, which they think will sufficiently sanction them in case of being summoned to appear, and answer any complaint before a Magistrate--this being all they supposed requisite, several publicans whom the author is acquainted with have applied to the High Constable, and others to the Magistrates for permission to hold balls. you'll find, are little known,
To those they most concern, in this great town.
Bel. I know but little of them, I must own.
Jem. These laws the public often misconceive,
And to their cost, themselves they oft deceive;
From hear-say stories told by rogues and fools,
To whom they're either made the dupes or tools.
They're like old feudal laws, when you compare
These laws with sense and reason, and are
Degrading and severe, when you transgress:
They want revising, all the town confess.
Bel. It will oblige me much to hear you state
When they were made, their bearings, and relate
What penalties, and what they call the act,
And how you may it's rigour counteract.
Jem. I am no lawyer, nor can I pretend
To undertake an action to defend;
It is the provisions of the act that I
Shall here explain, but wholly must rely
On memory, and that I really doubt
In the particulars, will not bear me out.
Bel. In formal wording I'm not over nice,
Just state the outline – that will me suffice.
Jem. Well – that I'll do in what they call a trice.
This act you'll find the public did obtain194194. This Act seems, ever since it was first passed, to have been almost unknown or greatly misunderstood by the parties whom it Chiefly concerns, (videlicet) teachers of dancing and publicans. The author recollects, that some years ago a penal action was brought (under this Statute) in the Court of K. B., against a mister Welling, who kept the Coach and Horses, in Holborn, and so little was the Act then known or understood, that he was supported by about twenty other Publicans, against whom similar actions were pending, not one of whom knew of the Act, and so confident were they of defeating the informers, that mister Welling (being persuaded by them) defended the action, on the ground that the company was respectable, and kept good hours--the defence availed nothing — the Plaintiff proved that dancing had been held at the Defendant's house, and that money had been received for admission, which constituted it "a place of public entertainment" within the meaning of the Act, and upon reading the penal clauses, a verdict was immediately given for the Plaintiff for £100, with double costs (£60). Mister Welling was entirely ruined by the action, — being utterly unable to pay the fine, he was obliged to quit his house, and retire into obscurity. Calendar (an Informer) afterwards brought various actions (under the same Statute) against other parties, none of whom ventured to contest the question with him, but were all obliged to compromise.
The 25th of George the Second's reign.
This act is called "an act for the preventing
Thefts and robberies, and for regulating
Places of public amusement, (where
For payment, you may public dancing share).
It likewise in its clauses does combine
Imprisonment, with very heavy fine
For keepers of all houses of ill fame" —
Disorderly houses also fare the same.
Bel. It seems a complicated act, combined195195. It will be observed, that illegal dancing is comprized in the "Act for preventing thefts and robberies, and punishing rogues and vagabonds, and keepers of disorderly houses, and houses of ill fame".
With other things; to dancing not confined;
I'm told it is arbitrary, and too severe196196. The following is an abstract of the Act as far as regards the laws against illegal dancing.By Act of Parliament of the 25th George the Second, entitled "An Act for the better preventing thefts and robberies, and for regulating places of public amusement, and punishing persons keeping disorderly houses." After reciting (amongst other things) "That the multitude of places of entertainment for the lower sort of people was a great cause of Thefts and Robberies, as they were thereby tempted to spend their small substance in riotous pleasures, and in consequence were put on unlawful methods of supplying their wants and renewing their pleasures, in order to correct as far as might be the habit of idleness which was become too general over the whole kingdom, and was productive of much mischief and inconvenience; It is enacted that after the first day of December, 1752, any House, Room, Garden, or other place kept for public Dancing, Music, or other public entertainments of the like kind, in the Cities of London and Westminster, or within twenty miles thereof, without a license had for that purpose, from the last preceding Michaelmas Quarter Sessions of the Peace, to be holden for the County, City, Riding, Liberty or Division, in which such House, Room, Garden, or other place is situate, (who are thereby authorized and impowered to grant such licenses as they in their discretion shall think proper) signified under the hands and seals of four or more of the Justices there assembled, shall be deemed a disorderly House or Place; And every such license shall be signed and sealed by the said Justices in open Court, and afterwards be publicly read by the Clerk of the Peace, together with the names of the Justices subscribing the same; and no such license shall be granted at any Adjourned Sessions, nor shall any fee or reward be taken for any such license; And it shall and may be lawful to and for any other person being thereunto authorized by warrant, under the hand and seal of one and more of his Majesty's Justices of the Peace of the County, City, Riding, Division, or Liberty, where such House or place shall be situate, to enter such House or place, and to seize every person who shall be found therein, in order that they may be dealt with according to law; And every person keeping such House, Room, Garden, or other place, without such license as aforesaid, shall forfeit the sum of £100 to such person as will sue for the same, and be otherwise punishable as the law directs, in cases of disorderly Houses. And it is thereby further enacted, that in order to give public notice what places are licensed pursuant to this Act, there shall be affixed and kept up in some notorious place over the door or entrance of every such House, Room, Garden, or other place kept for any of the said purposes, and so licensed as aforesaid, an inscription in large capital letters, in the words following, (videlicet) licensed pursuant to Act of Parliament of the twenty fifth of king George the Second, and that no such House, Room, Garden, or other place, kept for any of the said purposes, although licensed as aforesaid, shall be opened for any of the said purposes before the hour of five in the Afternoon, and that the affixing and keeping up of such inscription as aforesaid, and that the said limitation or restriction in point of time shall be inserted in, and made conditions of every such license. And in case of any breach of either of the said conditions, such license shall be forfeited, and shall be revoked by the Justices of the Peace, in the General or Quarter Sessions, and shall not be renewed, nor shall any new license be granted to the same person or persons, or any others on their behalf, directly or indirectly, for keeping any such House, Room, Garden, or other place for any of the purposes aforesaid.Proviso, that nothing in this Act shall extend to the Theatres Royal, in Drury Lane and Covent Garden, or the King's Theatre, in the Haymarket, or to any public entertainments carried on under Letters Patent, or license of the Crown, or the Lord Chamberlain.And it is further enacted, that any person entitled to any of the forfeitures by this Act imposed, may sue for the same by action of debt, in any of the Courts of Record at Westminster in which it shall be sufficient to declare, the Defendant is indebted to the Plaintiff in the sum of £, being forfeited by this Act, and the Plaintiff, if he recover, shall have full costs.Proviso that no action shall be brought by virtue of this Act, unless commenced within six months after the offence committed.And it is enacted, that this Act should be in force three years and no longer.Three years afterwards, the above Act was made perpetual..
Jem. The pains and penalties you now shall hear,
To show if you transgress what you've to fear.
I'll briefly state the act of Parliament —
"Any house, garden, room, or tenement,
Kept for public dancing, or entertainment,
In London, Westminster, or twenty miles around,
In which there shall be public dancing found".
Without a license, then, will subject those
To pains and penalties, who do oppose
The law, for strange to say, but it is the fact,
You may be punished by the Vagrant act;
With penalties and fines the act abounds197197. The penalties in this Act it will be seen are very severe — £100 for every offence (besides costs). The parties are also liable to be indicted under the Vagrant Act, and sent to prison to hard labour, and as is now the fashion, committed to the Tread Mill. Public Concerts are equally subject to the oppressive penal clauses of the Act, for regulating places of public amusement, which clauses are so little known, that must of the tavern keepers and publicans in London at times render themselves liable to them, as do also those dancing masters who hold such assemblies at their rooms, as they are not exempt from the operation of this Act, on account of their profession, though such an erroneous notion has prevailed.,
The penalty's each time, one hundred pounds;
Which may be gained by any one, who'll sue
Those parties, that such practices pursue.
Bel. It is too severe an act to he unknown,
It wants repealing, every one must own.
Jem. Severe, indeed, to me this act does seem,
For by the clauses you will see they deem
Houses unlicensed, as disorderly198198. The company found dancing in unlicensed rooms, however respectable and orderly, are liable (if the Magistrates should think proper) to be committed to prison as Vagrants.,
If there's a dance, however orderly
The company may be, yet by warrant,
Which any sitting magistrate may grant
To any constable, and him employ,
The unsuspecting dancers to annoy
He then may enter, seize all persons found
Therein, and in the watch-house them impound,
Until it shall his worship's humour please,
To bring the culprits forth from little ease
Before him, and then, as he thinks fit,
As rogues and vagabonds, can them commit
To prison – it is also left to his discretion,
To hind them over to the quarter session,
Where they may be, whatever be their station,
Humanely then discharged by proclamation.
Bel. Such harsh degrading clauses all must own,
For such offences yet were never known.
Jem. Offences call them! what, dancing an offence! —
This act's a stretch of power, a mere pretence
To abridge the amusements of the middling class
This act was framed, and with that view did pass.
Bel. Surely a legislature wise and just,
In which the people always put their trust,
Would never pass it, with such views as these,
Which would the public all at large displease.
Another time this matter we'll debate,
But now I am anxious just to hear you state
When, where, and how, are licenses obtained,
For public dancing – this you've not explained.
Jem. If you for dancing would a license take,
At Michaelmas quarter sessions you must make
Your application, and state why and where,
When all the justices of peace are there;
Four justices at least must seal and sign,
In open court, not privately combine
At adjourned sittings, but in open court,
The clerk their names must publicly report,
"That they have granted unto A or B,
For public entertainment without fee,
A license, unto which they all agree".
It is likewise requisite to mention here,
The license then will only last one year;
Until St. Michaelmas returns, then you
This license at the sessions must renew;
Like those of Saddler's Wells, and of Vauxhall,
And public houses, which are one and all
Licensed by this act, if you enquire;
At Michaelmas, they one and all expire.
Then should you fail for to renew the grant,
Your place is closed, and you to gaol are sent.
When you've the license got, there's one thing more
Must be attended to – you over the door
Must an inscription have in characters
Affixed, which to the act and time refers;
In capital letters too it must appear,
And must be thus made out distinct and clear:
Licensed pursuant to Act of Parliament199199. It would appear, therefore, that public amusements cannot he legally held in any tavern, (however respectable,) or other place where there is not this inscription. Calendar brought acons against the proprietors of some of the principal taverns in London, where public balls were held, (till then supposed to be held legally) but the tavern keepers found otherwise to their cost.,
Of the twenty-fifth of George the Second – meant
For public dancing, to let people know
Where they in safety may to dancing go.
(Sundays excepted) else on every day
They've licensed leave to let folks dance and pay;
Until five P. M. the music dare not play.
On those who keep these rooms you'll find
Other restrictions, with those named combined;
In case of breach, the Magistrates may send
At any time, revoke or else suspend
The license, nor will they, while they live,
Another license to that party give.
To my best judgement, now, I think I have named
The clauses, how and when the act was framed;
With all the pains and penalties thereto,
That you may always for the future know,
Where you in safety may to dancing go.
Bel. I must confess, you now have told me more
Of dancing laws, than I e'er knew before;
Your timely information may prevent
Me that disgrace, which I might e'er repent;
Perhaps I should, if I'd not been apprised,
Have gone to some grand ball that's advertised,
And held at some unlicensed house or place,
And might have been imprisoned with disgrace.
For want of knowledge, I must now confess,
Against the laws I often did transgress;
There's scarce a licensed place in all the town,
Not e'en those halls and taverns of renown,
Where balls are frequent held, I must confess,
It is with surprise I see them all transgress;
And so do half the town without intent
Of breaking through the act of Parliament
For not one in a hundred, who now go
To public balls, did ever hear or know
That such an act existed, nor did those
Who let their rooms, thus knowingly oppose
The law; good order and good company
They think will them protect, indeed they say,
The keeping of the public peace is all
That's requisite; then mischief can't befall
Them or their company, nor think the act
Can all their cautious projects counteract.
Publicans oft unconscious of offence,
Transgress the law, likewise incur expense,
From persons taking of their rooms, who say
It is for a private party, yet for pay
Let people in – this is enough; in fact,
They're then within the meaning of the act.
Not knowing of this act, they only try
To avoid what is termed disorderly;
To avert the danger, should it e'er accrue,
And screen themselves, this plan they oft pursue;
They mostly have a constable attend
Their Balls, and one they think will them befriend,
In case the ball should reach his worship's ears,
He then can satisfy his doubts and fears;
Assure him it was respectable and quiet,
No naughty women, tippling, brawl, or riot;
But was composed of gentlemen and wives,
(Who, all the world know, lead good honest lives)
They think this will his worship satisfy,
On this alone these people do rely;
They never think the law does further go,
Because his worship may not chance to know
This Act exists200200. Magistrates are not always conversant with Acts of Parliament. To several of those gentlemen Publicans have applied (as the Author knows) for leave to hold Balls at their houses, and though the permission has been generally refused, yet their Worships never stated it was not in their power to give such permission; they never pointed out the penal clauses of the Act of 25th George the Second, nor gave any caution on the subject to the applicants, who were only warned as to late hours, improper company, &c. and to keep the peace., for magistrates have been
As dull and ignorant quite, as other men.
And petty constables201201. In the instances where expenses were incurred by publicans in defending themselves against calendar's informations, it was chiefly through the sapient advice of petty constables and catchpoles resorting to the Defendant's houses. you'll often find,
If you enquire, are rogues and fools combined;
Like "Dogberry"202202. A character in Shakspeare's Comedy of "Much ado about nothing". of old, they're just the same,
And only differ from him as to name;
Often pretend to understand the law,
To give advice, or else to find a flaw.
Know all proceedings, and what acts did pass,
But it is at public houses over a glass;
Whoever takes their advice will surely fail,
Lose suits and costs, and curse them in a jail.
There's many a publican, as I've heard say,
Through such advice has had the fine to pay;
At almost every public house, you'll find
They've had a dance, or something of the kind;
Have all unwittingly transgressed the act,
And may be sued by those who'll prove the fact.
There's one thing more, of which they're not aware,
They're not even privileged at Bartholomew fair203203. Several publicans in Smithfield were proceeded against for illegal dancing daring Bartholomew fair — the author is not acquainted with the result.;
No saving clause, that lady Holland's guest
May privileged dance; they're classed among the rest;
Before the court of pie poudre204204. Though the court of pie poudre cannot inflict the penalty for illegal dancing, yet it is presumed they may commit the parties to prison as Vagabonds under this Act., may be
Arraigned, and punished for their jollity.
Bel. There's one thing more, before we go,
I wish to ask, and which no doubt you know;
If private persons take a room, are they
For dancing there made subject for to pay
The fine, or punished as the act describes;
Or is it doubtful how the law decides?
Jem. It is public dancing, music, and the like
Amusements, where you'll find the law does strike.
Bel. I wish to know, does not the act protect
Subscription balls, and those they call select?
Jem. How far the law may in these cases go,
I am not sufficient lawyer now to show;
Though they may at the door no money take,
It is plain these balls are for amusement sake;
Public amusement you must know, is meant
To he suppressed by act of Parliament,
Without you have a license for the same,
You're liable – it matters not the name
You give the place or ball, be what it may,
Without a license you the fine must pay —
To me this seems the meaning of the law,
Yet some "qui tam" perhaps may find a flaw.
Bel. Tell me the course informers do pursue,
When they the penalties have got in view.
Jem. Two persons going to a dance, where they
Do for amusement only sixpence pay,
Have only then to prove the place and time;
That's quite enough to constitute the crime;
Get fiddlers names, subpoena them to show
The dance existed, when and where, and how;
That done, the counsel for the plaintiff need
Then only from the act the clauses read;
If this is done, with proving of the fact,
The jury find according to the act.
Informers often with a gang combine
Against publicans, and thus obtain the fine.
One hires a room and holds a dance, in fact
It is done to prove the breaking of the act;
One pays his money at the door, that he
May in the court a casting witness be.
Upon the statute then an action's brought205205. Actions on this Statute are mostly brought against the proprietors of the rooms — the informers seldom trouble themselves about the company — the £100 is their object.,
And thus the Publican's securely caught;
To evade the penalty he has then no chance,
As these swear money paid, and prove the dance.
Informers often publicans deceive,
By saying they of magistrates have leave;
And talk of liberal guests to bait the lure,
Which makes poor Froth believe he's quite secure;
Like ministers who would the nation gull,
And by the horns take simple Johnny Bull;
Do always raise some strange or specious tale,
By way of tub to throw out to the whale,
For to divert him while they measures take,
To load his back, or bind him to the stake;
And when these foxes get you in their claws,
They to your cost will then expound the laws.
Although the act will punish all who're there
Informers seldom for the company care,
But always look where something's to be got,
And if the company there are not worth shot;
Fall on the landlord to obtain the fine,
Not for the public good, but base design,
To gain from him one hundred pounds, which they
By act of Parliament can make him pay —
In vain he pleads the act he never knew,
Yet he must pay the fine, though it be true.
Bel. By tickets of admission are you sure,
That you're from pains and penalties secure?
Jem. Tickets if sold, are not a legal tender,
And lawyers say, endanger the offender;
Nay, magistrates have late decisions made,
That they've contrived the statute to evade206206. See Sir Richard Birnie's opinion as to mister J.'s case before referred to in page 124.,
For at unlicensed rooms, be where they may,
You dare not dance, if you presume to pay,
Without being open to the Vagrant act,
And may be fined by those who'll prove the fact.
Bel. I must confess I now have heard from you,
More dancing law than I supposed you knew.
Jem. I have not exaggerated, but stated fact,
As near as I can recollect the act.
If Johnson207207. Johnson, the noted Informer, who has lately laid informations against numerous Publicans, for not closing their doors by a certain hour at night, and for other violations of the late Act. and his gang this act well knew,
They would no longer publicans pursue
For trifling penalties, but leave such gains,
When they could get a hundred for their pains,
And string them like dried herrings, great and small,
And in one term get verdicts from them all.
Let them take warning, think of costs and debt,
For all are fish who come to Johnson's net,
As he spares none, but takes them by surprise,
And treats them as the spiders do the flies208208. The Author being convinced of the effect of the Act of George the Second before referred to, as well as the danger arising from Informers under the late Act, has constantly declined to take such advantages as many of his professional brethren derive from the admission of strangers (for money) to his assemblies..
Jem. Though it is irrelevant and retrograding,
And may be thought the subject "balls" invading;
There's one thing I forgot, that must be stated,
Which in "professors" should have been related.
Bel l. The greatest generals often retrograde,
To gain new strength against those whom they invade;
And then return with renovated powers,
Refreshed like sun-burnt earth from falling showers.
Therefore relate it now – you know, my love,
Delays will often very dangerous prove.
Jem. One in a broadside of large double crown,
Proclaims "superior dancing" to the town209209. An anonymous bill has been put forth by some teacher, announcing that "at the Academy for dancing in C--- Street, superior dancing is taught at one-third the usual charges.";
And what's more cheering, with some sage advice,
Says he'll instruct you at one-third the price
Of any who can boast of equal fame;
But our professor does not give his name.
Bel. Perhaps professor's modesty may be,
The reason we in print his name don't see.
Jem. Then he's not like some brethren of the toe,
Who hack their names like Messrs. Doe and Roe,
And put them up in types of various dye,
To attract the crowd, and catch the passers by;
Bel. Names sometimes are for reasons kept concealed,
And only are from circumstance revealed.
I've known some persons who remained in cog:
For reasons why some donkeys wear a clog:
Jem. Perhaps, Professor like, some lords of state
Remain in cog; to compass something great;
And hides his name from charity, to those
Poor puny souls, who dare his fame oppose,
And by surprise, will on some future day
Break forth, and his astounding name display;
His rivals will be in the distance hurled,
And our professor pose the dancing world.
The town will then no doubt a deference show
To such "superior talent", also know,
To whom they do such obligations owe.
Bel. We to those balls will now return again;
I'm anxious you their nature should explain.
From this digression I shall now review
What are called "friendly balls", and prove to you,
They are only friendly as to name – for those
Who hold those balls are certain to impose,
On all who go; by stratagem or fraud
They trick their guests, and then themselves applaud;
If to these balls you should gain free admission,
You'll not (depend on it) also get permission
To place your hat or cloak just where you please,
For they are kept till payment of the fees;
Which they with care exact from one and all,
Both friends and foes, who do attend their ball.
Bel. What fees are those, which they presume to take?
Jem. A sort of rate or levy which they make
On every one who goes – this is the way
That they contrive to make all dancers pay.
When you go in210210. Much time and trouble were formerly bestowed by the dancing master in teaching the use and management of the hat, particularly how to eater a room with it, and the proper mode of carrying it when not used in the dancing; but modern Professors are now spared that trouble, by their servants demanding the hats previous to admission to the ball room — the profits arising from this practice, have induced them to dispense with this part of ball room etiquette., your hat or cloak they take,
Then on the wearer a demand they make
Of certain money, as the usual fee —
To pay it ere you dance, you must agree.
This they pretend is the perquisite of those,
Who have the care of bonnets, hats, and clothes;
A mere pretence! the proprietor it is known,
Gives only poundage, makes the rest his own.
If you comply, there's still one more condition
Must be fulfilled, before you gain admission
To join these balls, a coffee ticket they211211. Though this may not be the universal practice at all the Balls alluded to, yet it is at any rate the practice at several.
Present you with, and then for which they say,
Before you enter, you must also pay.
When gentlemen bring ladies to their ball,
These teachers charge their coffee – this they call
The general practice, and a usual thing,
For gentlemen to pay for those they bring;
Such regulations it is but fair to state,
Do chiefly to the gentlemen relate —
For these professors do a difference show
Betwixt ladies and gentlemen – ladies, they know,
To dances unprovided often go.
They therefore are let off at small expense,
And only pay by way of recompense,
A sixpence for the care of what they bring212212. At these balls, sixpence only is the sum usually demanded of each of the ladies.,
Cloak, hat, or shawl, or any such like thing.
Teachers for pay on gentlemen depend,
Trust each will treat his partner and her friend;
For at refreshment, it is the usual plan,
To place two ladies to each gentleman;
Not ladies of the very squeamish kind,
But such as at these hops and balls you find;
Who'd not refuse a drop of you know what,
If at free cost it can with ease be got:
Who would not fear on Sunday's, as in France,
To leave the church, and join a country dance.
In pious matters they're not very nice,
But hate the whole "society of vice";
Not like some pious senators that cry,
Because some thousands still in errors die,
Nor listen to advice from mistress Fry213213. Mistress Fry. — A pious lady of the Society of Friends, who has taken great pains to reform the profligate in prisons and other places, by means of religious lectures and discourses..
But many can (oh! shocking!) curse and damn,
And would not fear to ride the old black ram214214. According to the custom of a certain manor, a widow holds her lands only (dum sola et casta) whilst she continues single and chaste, but the steward is bound to restore them in ease of forfeiture, on condition of her riding backwards on a black ram into the Court, and publicly acknowledging her frailty by repeating certain verses. There is a humourous account of a transaction of this kind in the Spectator.;
Who are not so nice as to refuse to eat,
Because it is the gentlemen who treat;
Or should the matter be disputed, they
But seldom, for themselves insist to pay.
Those ladies often with the master join,
To increase the bill and favour his design;
For services like these he does admit
Them gratis, and such ladies they think fit
To introduce – but for this favour then,
They there must introduce some gentlemen,
For to subscribe to something they may call
A dress, select, or grand, or fancy ball.
One has a scheme215215. A Professor who holds a weekly Ball, and collects his company in the manlier and for the purposes described in the note in p. 120, is somewhat more indulgent than others of his brethren, in permitting his guests to dance before they take their coffee tickets; but being aware that many young men must leave before eleven o'clock, therefore to oblige them to take coffee which is seldom toady quite so early, when they apply for their hats, &c. &c. to their surprise, these things are locked up, and the servant not to be found till after the coffee is over. Thus they have been obliged to return to the Ball Room, and take refreshment against their will; many have complained of this practice. superior to the rest,
To sell his coffee and detain his guest;
He makes them take it, if they will or no;
How this is done I'll now attempt to show —
When these who are obliged to watch the clock,
And dread eleven, lest they in vain should knock;
Apply for hat or shoes, they're often shocked,
To hear of "servants out, and closet locked";
And if they should the consequence explain,
Professor swears and tries some keys in vain,
And nods condolence, whilst he counts the gain.
I have made this long digression to explain
Who their ladies are, how they act and gain
Admission, and how these petty teachers live;
Some future time I'll further statements give.
Bel. I must confess you now have told me more
Of their finesse, than I e'er knew before.
Jem. There's still one project I have not yet stated216216. The circumstance above stated, together with several others, having been communicated to the Author since the first part was published, is now inserted here at the request of some Subscribers, though not strictly in the proper place, rather than wait for a second edition.,
Which in professors should have been related.
Bel. Let's hear it – time and place shall be excused,
I seek to be instructed and amused.
Jem. To pass off damaged ware, street hucksters cry,
(To ease your doubts) come, "taste before you buy";
But if you taste, and should refuse to deal,
You'll soon the merits of their candour feel.
Bel. That's very true – it is what they call a lay:
For those who taste, are always made to pay.
There's some Professors I can't mention here,
Who of connection have some ground for fear;
To fill their Rooms, they to the town now bawl,
"Two lessons gratis if you join our ball217217. The Professors alluded to being conscious of their slender connections, and despairing of the ordinary means of filling a ball room, have (in imitation of the "supper gratis and trumpet schemes", vide page 40 and 130) hit upon the project of advertising to give two lessons gratis to any persons going to their ball.".
It is meant to rival (may be plainly seen)
The "Supper gratis", and the trumpet scheme;
For these poor souls, if they can't boast of wit,
With some device all strive to make a hit.
Jem. They soon will teach you all you want to know,
If you to these professors balls will go:
We therefore shortly may expect to meet
Teachers with fiddles, playing in the street
"Stoney Batter" to Macadamizers,
Or with a board turned walking advertisers;
Or using steps (not chassées, more is the pity)
To hawk some golden bubble through the city.
Bel. The free balls I could wish you'd next review,
That I may know, if what is said, is true
Concerning them; for I've heard many say,
Though they're called free balls, you are made to pay.
Jem. Those miscalled free balls often do disgrace
Their title, the proprietor, and place
In which they're held; instead of free balls, they
Who hold them, always make all comers pay218218. Those who suppose these free balls are given through the proprietor's generosity, will find themselves very much deceived. The proprietors have two objects in view, (videlicet) notoriety, and the profit of refreshments, which, with the hat and cloak money, generally make ample amends to them for their supposed liberality.,
Either for music, room, or hat, or clothes,
Or something else they claim, or else propose
With whips and fresh demands to make amends,
For "giving dancing gratis to their friends?"
You'll find these free balls all on the same plan219219. The author, sometime ago, was taken by a gentleman to one of these free balls; at the end of the second dance a collection was made for the music, and in about half an hour afterwards another collection for refreshments, of which a very spare quantity was supplied, not one-fifth of what was subscribed for, and before they left the Ball, a similar demand was made for lighting up the room, fires, &c. The ladies there were not exempt from these levies. —
Go there, and dance at free cost if you can;
For our professor's "gratis" is the lure,
Who shows the cheat when he has guests secure.
Girl, boy, or serving man is welcome guest,
And maids of all work figure with the rest;
For these free balls, they mostly get their belies
From Conduit Gardens, or from Bagnigge Wells;
From playhouse lobbies, waiting for a call,
Ladies are brought, to grace professor's ball;
Welcome all comers! no matter who or what
They be – from all, there's something to be got,
Either for hat or cloak, or what they spend;
The object's gain, whatever they pretend220220. Those who have attended the free balls given by these professors of dancing, will find the author pretty correct in the description of the parties attending them..
I've heard such fights do at these balls take place,
As any other ball room would disgrace;
But these professors and their guests you'll find,
Are not of the reflecting squeamish kind;
They're used to fights, to tippling, noise, and riot,
And quite unused to order, rule, and quiet.
Bel. Such rude fracas their belles must terrify!
Jem. By no means, they have more philosophy.
They're not those squeamish dames who'd be ashamed
To hear an oath, or "ladies garters" named;
Who will look down when they approach a man,
And always hide their faces with their fan:
Or those, who would a double entendre dread,
When beaux change cards, are carried out for dead:
Or those who think they're ruined with a kiss,
Or would resign their place to each pert miss:
Or those who are at twelve resolved to go,
And leave the ball, likewise a favourite beaux;
Who would drink water, and good wine oppose,
And dread a crowd, although composed of beaux:
Who never talk but when in time and place,
Who never move or dance but with a grace:
Who'd rather go to church, and say their prayers,
Than go to balls and dance to quadrille airs;
Who never slandered rivals friends or foes,
Nor envied others jewels or fine clothes;
Who rail at men, and mean the whole they say,
Who'd rather pray and work, than dress and play:
Nor those who tell their age and never scold,
Who think they're ugly, and would gain be old.
These are not ladies who such balls attend,
They're very different belles, you may depend;
The gentlemen who at these balls you find,
Are as to manners of a similar kind;
They've none of that retiring self command,
When they applaud to merely move the hand,
But clap their hands like vulgar low coal heavers,
And make them sound like marrow bones and cleavers.
For noise and gesture these ball guests you'd say,
Resemble dancing sweeps the first of May.
Fancy dress balls must as the next appear,
And what they really are you now shall hear.
Fancy dress balls, some people likewise name221221. The fancy dress balls held by the teachers alluded to, are generally found to be masquerades in disguise.
Characteristic, and think they are the same;
(But characteristic as I just have said,
Is meant to signify a masquerade),
a fancy dress balls that, where every guest
Is in appropriate costume strictly dressed;
The face to show the character, and age
They paint, as is the custom of the stage;
The mask's forbid the countenance to aid,
For "fancy ball" means not a "masquerade".
Grand fancy balls have oft been given at court,
Where royalty has sometimes deigned to sport,
Like those which Bath and Almack's now supply,
For taste and fancy with the Court that vie;
Or those which Ranelagh222222. The fancy dress balls held at this once celebrated place, were visited by all the fashionable world, amongst whom several branches of the Royal Family were known to mingle--for rank and consequence these Balls were superior to any others in England, and have never since been equalled. Fancy Dress Balls from the variety of character that may be introduced, may be rendered superior to any others. Besides those given at Court, Almack's, Bath, &c. one was given some years ago at Liverpool, of the most magnificent description, at which all the families of rank within the surrounding distance of many miles were present. For variety of character and original costume, this splendid Ball has never been surpassed. did once contain,
The like of which will scarce be seen again;
But quite unlike such splendid balls are those
Which these professors give, though you'd suppose
From their announcement, that they're still the same;
But they resemble only in the name —
Go to those teachers balls, you then will see
They're nothing like what they pretend to be;
Instead of various characters arrayed
In strict costume, where fancy has displayed
Her boundless whim, to variegate the scene,
Where all the costumes of the world are seen,
Where ages past before you seem to rise,
And strange outlandish beings meet your eyes;
And habits, manners, customs, all are shown
With strict exactness, though before unknown,
Where you the world in miniature may view,
Objects antique, familiar, strange, and new:
Egyptians, Medes, and Greeks walk to and fro,
In costumes worn three thousand years ago.
(When these were nations the most famed on earth,
Where science, arts, and learning had their birth;
But, strange reverse! they're now in darkness hurled,
Who once gave laws and learning to the world).
Here the swift Parthians your eyes will meet,
So famed for victory in their feigned retreat;
In the mind's eye here Marathon you see,
And Salamis and famed Thermopolae;
And gay Palmyra's palaces (no more),
And ancient Troy whose loss we all deplore.
This mutability of human kind,
Must bring some strange reflections to the mind,
And make us cry, oh! Time what hast thou done,
Whither are Tyre, and mighty Babylon?
And lofty Thebes and Ninevah all gone.
And famous nations now all swept away,
The wonder and the terror of their day;
With other wonders history has displayed,
By art produced, and by old time decayed —
At balls like these all may be entertained,
As characters are generally sustained
By those of talent, who can represent
The characters just as dame nature meant.
But at these teachers balls there's not the kind
Of costume I've described – their guests you'll find
Are mostly dressed in their own walking clothes,
Not Fancy Dresses, as you might suppose.
Should persons there in character be found,
They in low slang and ribaldry abound;
They're so unlike to what they represent,
You only by the dress know what is meant;
And at some fancy balls where I have been,
Not even one in strange costume was seen.
Bel. Such balls are meant as catch pennies, by those
Who laugh at all on whom they do impose.
Jem. These teachers care not what they advertise,
Their placards, like themselves, are filled with lies;
Bel. But strangers oft too readily believe
In all they hear and see, and thus deceive
Themselves, who then become the dupes and prey
Of every rogue and sharper of the day.
Bel. I hear some great professors have of late
Been striving much to imitate the great,
In holding balls where they themselves elect
Patronesses223223. Certain Balls given by the nobility are managed by a select number of ladies patronesses; the office is considered both honourable and enviable, each lady having particular privileges, (including the indisputable right of approval or rejection of company). In imitation of these, some modern teachers pretend to hold similar balls, at which the ladies nominated by the professor have only the honour of the office, without any power whatever; though the pretence is that they are appointed for the purpose of keeping the company; select, yet they are not permitted to exercise the right of rejection of any party, as that might interfere with the proprietor's own interest., to keep their balls select.
Jem. That's not the object, I will plainly show,
As I the motives of these gentry know;
For their real object, boldly I'll maintain,
Is not propriety, but hope of gain;
How that's effected, I will now explain,
It is done to feed the vanity of those
Fair ladies, who the company compose,
Who never see the drift, but think it fine,
If they as lady patronesses shine.
Bel. With such mock quality, the thing's absurd,
How their election's made, I've never heard;
No doubt the greatest talent is preferred.
Jem. You are mistaken, talent has no avail,
Money and interest only will prevail;
None are elected here by public voice,
The great professor only has the choice;
From all the ladies he pretends to choose,
Those wanting means and interest he'll refuse;
For talent without means here, as at court,
With these professors meet with no support.
As proof this office is bestowed for gain,
A child for once this honour did obtain224224. A little girl of twelve or thirteen years of age was appointed to the office of lady patroness at one of these balls..
Bel. These selfish wights it is plain now to perceive,
Entirely live by those whom they deceive;
Another question I must ask you – pray
How long in office do these ladies stay?
Jem. They have the honour only for one night,
Succeeding Balls give other dames that right;
One lady may two following nights preside,
But she must pay to gratify her pride;
In either meal or malt, – he is not nice,
But one or both will have, if yon serve twice.
Bel. When these fair dames this envied office fill,
Have they full power, and can they act at will?
Jem. They're patronesses only by the name,
But have no power to perform the same;
It is true they have the title for the night,
But, mark me! these fair ladies have no right
To give admissions, neither to reject
Strangers from entering, though the ball's select;
The great professor's interest is at stake,
They therefore dare not these objections make;
There's one thing more quite requisite to say,
When chosen once, if absent, fines must pay.
Bel. What! fine the ladies! mercy! how absurd!
The most ungallant practice ever heard!
How, or by what means do they exact the fine?
Jem. One great professor levies it in wine225225. These Ball holders are very particular in exacting their fines — even the ladies are not exempt, if they fail attending punctually to the minute; the Professors sometimes receive these fines in kind; one of them takes it, generally, in wine..
Bel. That fining ladies is a barbarous plan,
It surely could not emanate from man.
Jem. Ladies must now wear pockets, and what's worse,
To fill the office will require a purse.
Bel. When once appointed "Lady patroness",
What is the office? What do they profess?
Do they as stewards and directors act,
And all the duties of the ball transact?
Do they the ball-room etiquette well know,
And technic terms? Can they the figures show
Of all the various dances now in use,
Quadrilles, the Spanish dances and batteuse,
With English country dances, ecosoise,
The figured reels and stately polonoise?
Do they call out "your places, sirs", and say
"Come, show your number – is it B or A?"
Does their official duty thus extend
That they the gentlemen should recommend
To lady partners, and the ladies suit
With such nice beaux as ladies can't dispute?
Jem. They know no more of what you have here laid down,
Than children know the manners of the town226226. It is well known by those who have attended these Balls, that neither talent nor experience has the least influence with the Proprietors in the election of the ladies patronesses, as many have been appointed to that office who were totally unacquainted with dancing, and were equally ignorant of the etiquette of the ball room.;
For many a patroness has never seen
A ball, or e'en a month at dancing been.
At Almack's balls the patronesses there
Not only have to make the bill of fare,
But choose as guests such as they may think fit;
None but those patronized will they admit;
But our professors take a special care,
Such privileges their ladies never share.
These balls at most can have no other claim,
Than paltry imitations, and the name.
Charity balls do likewise now abound,
There's scarce a week but new ones may be found;
The holders of these balls not only state
Some direful tale, but oft exaggerate;
They have different methods, yet they all agree
In calling on the world for charity.
"Fire and famine" oft their placards head,
Or else the name of same good soul just dead;
They various objects have, for some profess
"A widow's call", some " children in distress227227. At one of these balls, purporting to be "for the benefit of a widow and fatherless children", it was discovered, in the course of the evening, that it was in fact for the benefit of a certain teacher of dancing in the habit of holding assemblies at various places under such pretences. On the discovery of this circumstance the company broke up, and endeavoured to make the professor refund; — those who know him may easily guess at the result of this undertaking. The circumstance was communicated to the author by the proprietor of the rooms where the ball was held.".
Others (to gain the stewards some renown)
Propose relief to half the poor in town.
Strangers, who read, if they believe, must own
That all mankind are philanthropic grown.
Bel. I cannot help applauding the intent,
When charity by them is really meant.
Jem. It is praiseworthy and kind, all must confess,
To give to objects really in distress.
I've seen subscriptions for some persons made,
Who constantly make charity a trade,
Whilst modest merit often starves unknown,
Afraid to ask, ashamed their case to own;
While insolent and public paupers share,
Unmerited, both means and sumptuous fare.
From all who grievous tales of want relate,
The public seldom can discriminate
The real deservers, and too often give
To those wire as impostors wholly live.
I have known some cases, which at balls occurred,
The truth of which by many is averred,
How persons have obeyed a widow's call,
And taken tickets to support her ball;
And that they might the worthy object aid,
Have previously for all their tickets paid;
Yet when these friends do at the ball attend,
They find their charity they must extend,
The room and band to pay for, or else they
Must pocket the affront, and go away228228. Contributions for tickets have been levied on the benevolent under various pretences of char table purposes, and they have on some occasions been called upon to pay also for the music and the expense of the room..
But all do not subscribe the cause to serve,
Nor does their charity that name deserve.
Bel. It is not all gold that glitters, you well know,
For half their charity's mere outside show.
Jem. Many to have their names in print subscribe,
And make their charity a sort of bribe.
As some subscribe through vanity alone,
And others hope for faults they shall atone;
And some propose these balls in hopes to gain
Some office they've not merit to obtain,
As stewards or directors229229. Many are in the habit of taking tickets for charity balls, expressly for the purpose of being appointed to the above offices, though by no means qualified to fill them., or to be
Appointed masters of the ceremony;
A badge of office on their clothes to wear,
A band or star, or else a wand to bear;
These honours on them awkward do appear,
Like school boys who break up but once a year.
Such self-created jacks in office, are
For self sufficiency beyond compare:
These officers do often privilege take,
By right of office, and for privilege sake;
Give free admissions to their friends, that they
May dance, though they've no charity to pay,
The dancing at these balls, in general, is
Nice sport for dancers, if they choose to quiz:
Many stand up to dance, though they don't know
A step or figure, or which way to go;
But, in confusion, run about and stare,
Just like stray pigs when hunted in a fair;
To set them right, there's not the smallest hope,
You might as well strive to convert the Pope;
For ignorance is never wrong, they say,
Like pig on rope, they plunge on their own way.
These Balls do teachers harm, for many go
To dance, who not one step of dancing know,
But jump about and satisfied remain,
And think all right, if nobody complain.
Six lessons230230. Six lessons is the usual number fixed by these Professors for completion, in any department of dancing. often make a feel presume
To take the lead, and consequence assume,
If he can through a figure blundering go,
Though he has not one dancing step to show.
These charity balls produce a spurious race
Of dancers, quite devoid of art and grace,
Who pester every public place where they
Can gain admission, though they seldom pay.
Though I've made these remarks, do not suppose
It is done that I may charity oppose;
For I applaud the philanthropic zeal
Of those who for their fellow creatures feel:
It is in defence of dancing I exclaim,
All other views and motives I disclaim.
The annual balls I'll next explain, that you
May see these Balls brought fairly into view;
There's scarce a teacher, either great or small,
But every season has his annual ball.
Some teachers have their annual balls, which are
Thus named, you'll find, the public to ensnare;
They call them thus in hopes it may appear
They only have one ball within the year231231. Some of these ball-holders have been known to have several "Annual balls" in the season; their motives appear to be to induce the belief, that every one announced under that name, was the only Ball intended to be held during the season..
To miss it, some couldn't satisfied remain,
Until that day twelve month should come round again;
But when they've been, what must he their surprise!
Another Annual Ball next mouth supplies,
Which makes these people scarce believe their eyes;
Who little know the great professor's aim
Is to catch strangers by some specious name.
Bel. To account why annual balls come round so soon,
They reckon years, like Hindoos, by the moon;
They thus may have twelve "annual balls" a year,
And make the time quite reasonable appear.
Jem. They seldom care for what the world may say,
If they draw strangers to their balls to pay;
Many print "Annual balls", and what's still more,
Were never known to have a ball before;
They think it will pass them off upon the town,
As long established and of some renown.
They number them like tickets for a ball,
As their first number's never very small;
Mostly with twenty they begin, to show
They've long taught dancing, and the art must know;
Yet some of these professors, I'll engage,
Are not much more than twenty years of age.
One has Parisian balls232232. One Professor, to avail himself of a name, has what he calls "Parisian balls;" but these supposed French balls are nothing more than common every-day dances., but those who dance
Find nothing at them like those held in France;
The name is all you'll find that's French, the rest
Is but a common English dance at best.
Subscription balls must next attention claim,
Those by impostors held that bear the name;
Who advertise them on our gentry's plan,
And seem to imitate them all they can.
Bel. In title only, for their plans you'll find,
When they're compared, are of a different kind;
It is true that they Subscribers strive to gain,
And try all means their money to obtain.
A term of balls they will engage to give,
Which seldom is completed whilst they live233233. Several of these ball-holders give out proposals for holding what they call "Subscription balls", professedly on the plan of those at Almack's; the pretended object is, by subscription, to make their balls respectable and select, but the real motives are to induce parties to subscribe at once for a certain number of balls — but were the existence of the dances to be as long as the age of Methusalem, they would not see the engagement complied with.;
They care not how nor whom they do admit,
All that bring money they make amply fit
To join these balls, not like the rich and great,
Who to subscribers often hesitate,
If they're not of high birth, rank, and station,
And oft refuse great lords of the creation,
Because they are not the noblesse of the nation.
The gentry have Committees, and rely
That they subscribers rank and merit try;
To see no citizen or tradesman pass,
To join and horrify the privileged class —
To be secure, their orders run thus far,
To let none in eastward of Temple Bar.
Bel. There's many citizens of sense and worth,
Who far exceed these gentry of high birth:
There's instances in plenty I could state,
Of poor, but titled, blocks in church and state.
Jem. True, true, I did but generally allude
That these nice gentry all cits exclude;
They think a trader far below their station,
Whom to make free with, would be degradation.
Exceptions certainly are sometimes made,
For those who've made great fortunes by their trade;
As our nobility, I can't deny,
Do sometimes to rich citizens apply
For what they call a "temporary supply".
And for these favours sometimes lay aside
Those nice distinctions of patrician pride.
If to these balls you wish to gain access,
One of these requisites you must possess:
You must he rich, or boast a family name,
No matter how or whence the money came
The rich are never refused, be who they may,
But needy men of science walk away.
A Scavan234234. The late mister Belzoni, the enterprising traveller, after his return from Egypt, visited a grand subscription ball at the King's Theatre, London, (professedly held for the relief of the distressed people of Ireland) an attempt was made to expel him, although he had fairly purchased a ticket (as he was not one of the privileged class) — the circumstance may be, perhaps, in the recollection of some readers. From what transpired at the time, it appeared there had been some clandestine dealings in tickets, which were sent to Shops for sale. No imputation could attach to mister B. whose conduct in the transaction was open and honourable. Whether as much should be said of some of the directors, the public will form their opinion., though he half the world had seen,
To Memphis and the Pyramids had been,
To join these balls he ever might despair,
Should he on foot attempt to travel there.
The soldier's welcome, though he only goes
Into Hyde Park to fight his country's foes.
Bel. We are wandering far from what we had begun,
And have in wide and long digressions run.
Jem. All human beings have this fault you know,
To wish to do what they ought not to do.
In little wanderings I some pleasure find,
They serve as recreation to the mind
To these impostors' balls we can again
Return, as there's fresh objects to explain.
Suppose we now for recreation's sake,
A few remarks on ball-room dancers make;
I mean those self-sufficient guests who go
To balls, but neither time nor dancing know.
Some future day, more fully we'll explain
Those public balls, and in the interim gain
Fresh subject matter, also can collect
Those circumstances we can't recollect.
Jem. I quite approve the reasons which you state,
We'll then the subject well investigate.
Bel. I wish, Jemima, now to see you make
Some imitations, (for amusement sake)
Of those strange ball-room dancers we both know,
I am certain you can their true pictures show.
If I the various styles of dancing knew,
And could hit off those silly elves like you,
I often would amuse my friends awhile,
By imitating the queer steps and style
Which many ostentatiously display,
Who think none living dance as well as they
I mean such guests as constantly advance
They know each new and fashionable dance,
Yet use such antic steps, that you might swear
They had learnt their dancing at some wake or fair,
With odd fantastic strides about they hop,
Like a tame Jack Daw in a barber's shop
They flounce about, draw up their knees like those
Poor bears and camels led about for shows.
To see them dance, you'd think they had been taught
On heated iron, or from Egypt brought235235. The Egyptians are said to teach their camels to dance on heated iron plates, the heat of which obliges the poor animals to be continually lifting up and shifting their feet, which they call "dancing". Whether these mechanical dancers instruct themselves, or derive their quadrupedic steps, from the camels, their drivers, or any of the Professors alluded to, it is not easy to say.;
Go wrong for right, dance out of time, then say
"It is all the fiddler's fault that they don't play
Right, or else the dancers no attention pay".
These self-conceited wise pragmatic elves
Find fault with all but what they do themselves;
It is these I wish to see now imitated,
And others of that class whom I've not stated.
Jem. You've fairly brought their practices to view,
And your remarks on them are just and true.
Bel. Come try what you can do – we can't begin
Just yet – you see the music's not come in.
You've time enough to imitate those elves
Who so ridiculously expose themselves,
They are all fair game, for fools of every sort
Have ever been, and ever will be sport
For those wire have talent, genius, taste and wit,
And as a butt, to shoot at, only fit.
Jem. If you'll assist me, I'll now try to make
A trial or two, just for amusement sake.
Bel. Most willingly, my dear, and I'll engage
You'll hit them off as well as on the stage.
Jem. We'll then begin with what is here best known,
The country dancing, which we call our own;
E'en that is generally danced so bad, that when
You've formed the set, there's not one out of ten
Who know the figures, much less steps and grace,
They dance as if the limbs were out of place:
"In leading down the middle", and besides
What's so essential, "set and changing sides",
Just like pump-handles, both their arms they work,
Bear down their partner's hands, like savage Turk;
Hop out of time, bend forward, scrape their feet,
Like slip-shod beggars shuffling through the street;
Or else with toes turned in and knees half bent,
They dancing caricatures well represent.
Bel. The cause of this may easily be seen,
The English country dance has lately been
Neglected for a foreign substitute;
Any thing foreign John Bull's taste will suit.
Now any one stands up, aye without knowing
Time, steps, or figures, how or where they're going.
I never any see but will advance,
"That they with ease could dance a country dance,
"That any body may go down (they say),
"Who'll watch the figure and attention pay".
Jem. What they say is true, if figure's all you need,
But that, as dancing is, sorry stuff indeed
Till these strange notions are exploded, we
Shall never more good country dancing see.
A country dance would be a pleasing sight,
If all performed the steps and figures right.
As it is named, (or more properly an English country dance) almost universally known as the national dance of English, is constructed on mathematical principles, clearly displayed in its operative effect, when properly and well performed. It is formed of two principal features, videlicet figures and steps, which, for the execution, government and display of their several movements and evolutions, are united with their indispensable auxiliary, music: but independent of the scientific structure of the dance, there are secondary features, named ornaments and embellishments, and which are necessary to the performance of the figures and steps to the music, as they apply and are connected with each other in a graceful and easy manner. The figures, which form various evolutionary movements in circular, serpentine, angular, and straight lines, are formed into a variety of different lengths, (as shown by the diagrams in the complete system of English country dancing) and require a variety of different steps or movements of the feet in their performance to music appropriately adapted thereto. A country dance is formed of an indefinite number of ladies and gentlemen, not less than six. The ladies and gentlemen are placed in two rows of lines parallel with each other; the one consisting of ladies, which is called the ladies' side; and the other of gentlemen; which is called the gentlemen's side; every lady is opposite a gentleman, who are called partners. The couples being so placed, form which is termed "a set", and are demonstrated by different technical appellations, according to their situations, or the manner in which they are employed in the dance. The subjoined sketch will more clearly elucidate the form and construction of an English country dance, as formed into various sets, as Set A, Set B, Set C; also the formation of the major and minor sets, of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd or top, central, and bottom couples; likewise the leading, neutral and auxiliary couples, top and bottom of the set, &c.
Figure omitted
A country dance is formed into different sets or divisions when the company are too numerous for one set, not only that a greater variety of calls may be had, but also to prevent the fatigue occasioned by the too great length of the set, a set containing in length, or in one line,thirty or forty couples may be divided into two sets, by placing a form or drawing line across the middle of the set.
The following diagram is the form and construction of a country dance, composed of two sets, formed in one straight line or row.
Figure omitted
When the width of the room will admit, and the company are sufficiently numerous, they may be divided into different divisions and placed in parallel lines, at a convenient distance from each other, having respectively the top of the set at the same end or part of the room: they may be distinguished from each other by numerical figures or letters, as Set 1 or Set A, Set 2 or Set B, &c. Notwithstanding that that they all branch from Set 1 or Set A, and are properly but a continuation of that set formed into divisions according to room, yet they have their respective privileges respecting the "calls". Set 1 or A call the first dance, Set 2 or B the second, Set 3 of 3 the third, &c. Should there be no more than three sets, after the call of Set 3 or C, the call goes back to Set 1 or A, and No. 2 in that set call the fourth dance; then No. 2 in Set 2 or B the fifth dance, &c. Whatever dance is called, and in which ever set it may be, the other sets are governed by it respecting tune and figures, thus: if Set C has the call, Sets A and B must consult them respecting the figure, and perform it precisely in the same manner; any alteration or deviation being considered as a mark of disrespect to the lady who calls the dance. The manner of forming this sets or divisions may be seen by "The construction of a country dance", p. 159. In forming them, they must be divided as equally as possible with respect to the number of couples, that the respective sets may finish the dance as nearly as possible at the same time. The ladies being each furnished with a ticket, bearing the name of the set to which they belong, with the number thereon inscribed according to their situation in the dance, as A No. 1, B No. 2, &c.: should place them in a conspicuous part of their dress to prevent disputes respecting places, (videlicet the "Etiquette of the ball room", in "The complete system of English country dancing"). It frequently occurs, that gentlemen's side, which ought to be avoided (except where there are not an equal number of ladies and gentlemen present) as it destroys the appearance of the construction of the dance, and tends to produce mistakes in the performance of the figures, particularly with those persons not thoroughly acquainted with the figure of the dance.
The proper distance of the lines formed by the ladies and gentlemen from each other is about four feet and a half, and the distance of the respective couples from each other is about two feet and a half. The proper distance and the keeping of the lines truly parallel is necessary to the correct performance of the figures, every person in the set having thereby an opportunity of seeing the various evolutions of the figure performed by the leading couples, which very frequently proves of the greatest utility to those persons in the dance unacquainted with the figures, and prevents the confusion that would otherwise occur. Should the company be numerous, or the room not of sufficient length to admit the whole of the persons to stand up in one set, they may be arranged and formed according to the width of the room into other sets parallel with each other (ride "Construction of the country dance", and the article "Division of sets"), and numbered in succession, Set 1, Set 2, &c.; or distinguished by letters as Set A, Set B, &c. These divisions may be considered as the parts of first set, being properly a continuation of that set, formed into divisions for the sake of convenience. In performing the dance, the couples, by changing situations, lose the original name or character attached to them, and acquire another, according to the situation they become placed in, or the operative principle of the dance. The technical names of characters attached to the respective couples occur in every country dance, and are permanent in certain situations, and the names of many of the figures are derived from them. The learner must therefore understand them ere he can be supposed properly to connect and apply them in the formation of a country dance. The principal of them are the "minor set", the "leading couple", the "neutral couple", the "auxiliary couples", the "top", "bottom", and "central couples", or "first", "second", and "third couples".
Is formed of three couples, which is sufficient for the performance of any country dance figure constituting in themselves a perfect set, so that every three couples in a general set performing a figure within themselves, is properly termed a minor set, having a top, bottom and central couple, enabling them to perform every figure from every given situation in the dance; the minor set is formed and varied by the progressive motion of the dance, and are more or less numerous, according to the number of persons composing the dance; for instance, a general set consisting of twenty-four couples (the dance being in full action) will have (when the fourth, or couple below the minor set is the neutral couple, as seen at figure 1) six minor sets; if the neutral couple is included in the minor set (as in figure 7), then there will be eight minor sets in a dance of twenty-four couples. Minor sets may be formed in any part of the general set, where it shall occur that the leading or top couple of the minor set have two couples below; videlicet a second and a third couple to act with them or where the leading couple are performing a figure in the centre; in which case, the couples forming the minor set are differently termed, the leading couple being called the central; the third the bottom; and the couple who stand second at the commencement of the figure will then be the first or top couple (see figure 5 in "The construction of a county dance"), thereby losing their original names or characters, immediately the leading couple perform the progressive figure. When first, second, and third couples, or top, centre, and bottom, are mentioned, the dancer should be acquainted as to which of two they should belong (the general or minor set) or he will be otherwise misled. In the general set, the numerical order is regulated accordingly as they are given out at the calling up of the dance; and top and bottom only relate to the top and bottom couple of the dance or general set. When the leading couple is at the top, the second couple is properly the central couple (yet it never assumes that name), being reserved for the leading couple, when they in the performance of the figure occupy the place of the second couple, who consequently become the top couple, and therefore, when the central couple is named, the leading couple alluded to are acting in the centre. The third couple become the bottom couple, immediately on the leading couple becoming the central one, and perform any figure or figures required from that situation; the minor set thereby have no nominal central couple. Such are those that finish the figure with a progressive one, and have no figure performed from the centre by the leading couple.
Is the couple going down the dance; and there will be as many leading couples as minor sets in a dance, so that a dance of sixty couples would have twenty leading couples, the dance being in full activity.
Are those couples in a minor that that assist the leading couple in the performance of the figures, either actively or inactively. Some minor sets contain one, others two; but no dance can be formed without one. Their numbers are governed by the direction of figures, and the couples they employ or require in their performance. When a dance contains but one auxiliary couple, it will be composed of figures that in their performance require and employ the leading and the second couple only, or contain a neutral couple within the minor set, hence the second couple becomes the auxiliary couple, whether active or inactive: and every dance containing a figure or figures employing a whole minor set, or by any means connecting themselves with the bottom or third couples, and the neutral couple being the fourth or couple below, the minor set will have two auxiliary couples, active or inactive, according the the nature of the figures. There are some individual figures, that in their performance do no require an auxiliary couple, such as "allemande", "turn your partner", &c.; but every dance must contain one at least as no dance can be performed without a progressive figure, requiring for its performance the second couple. The third couple may be an auxiliary one at one part of the figure, and not at another; but whenever it is employed or required, it is considered as belonging to the dance, the second couple being always auxiliary.
Are those couples that actively assist the leading couple in the performance of the figures, as "right and left", "set and change sides", – "hey", – "hands six round", where the figure of the dance cannot be performed without the active assistance of the other couple or couples; for were they to remain stationary, the figure could not be completely performed. A dance may contain either one or two, or be composed of inactive auxiliary couples, according to the nature of the figures of which it may be composed (see "The complete system of English country dancing", where it is shown how the figures employ the couples, and where they begin and end). In "Sir David hunter blair" single figure, there will be one active auxiliary couple, which will be in "set and hands across and back again" (videlicet "Companion to the ball-room"). In "Nancy Dawson" there will be two active auxiliary couples employs in the figure "hey".
Are those couples which, although auxiliary couples, and required in the performance of the figure, yet remain wholly stationary and inactive; as in "whole figure at top", – "cast off two couple", – "whole figure on your own sides", – "lead through top and bottom", &c. A dance may contain either one or two, or be composed wholly of active figures, according to the selection. In "the Campbell's are coming", single figure (see "Companion to the ball-room") but one auxiliary couple is required (which is inactive) that is used in the performance of the progressive figure, which employ only the leading couple. In the "Rakish highlandman", (single figure) there are two inactive auxiliary couples.
A neutral couple is an inactive couple, not required in the figure, and one that divides the minor sets, by its being the fourth or couple below a minor set; yet it is sometimes the third or bottom couple of and included in the minor set, and is constituted, by affording space, to prevent confusion in the dance, too frequently occasioned by the figures interfering and becoming entangled with each other. Those are neutral couples to which no figure extends. When the dance is in full activity, the number of neutral couples will be in proportion to the number of minor sets contained therein, whether included in the minor set or below it. A dance consisting of thirty couples, the neutral couples included in the minor set will contain ten neutral couples, but if the neutral couple be the fourth, or couple below the minor set, then the dance will contain but seven minor sets, with seven neutral couples attached to them additionally (videlicet "The construction of a country dance"). Every minor set must have a neutral couple either included in it, or attached to it. When the neutral couple is included in the minor set, it is always formed of the third or bottom couple. The constituting of the neutral couple depends entirely on the figures employed in the dance, as all those figures which employ the whole of the minor set constitute the fourth or couple below it; the neutral couple (See "The construction of a country dance", figures 1 & 9). In the performance of "Speed the plough" (see "Companion to the ball-room") either single or double figure, the fourth or couple below the minor set would be the neutral one; the whole of the minor set being employed in one of the figures. In the "Haunter tower", single figure, the neutral couple is included in the minor set, as the figure only employs two couple out of the minor set. The above examples, it is trusted, will be found sufficient.
The dance being constructed, the figure set, &c., the music properly adapted there to must be selected and played to put the dance in motion; the action and progressive motion in the performance of the dance must be understood, in order that every person in it may move progressively towards the bottom and the top regularly, that equal opportunity may be afforded to each to perform their respective parts. The top couple of the general set commence the dance, and after performing the various figures set to the same tune, finish a couple nearer the bottom; and the second will by moving up, become the top couple. The dance commences again, and the leading couple each time the figure is repeated, will progressively gain a couple towards the bottom, and will repeat or perform the figure at many times, as there are couples standing up in the set, not being permitted to gain more that one couple towards the bottom each time they finish the figure, but obliged to gain one couple to preserve the progressive motion of the dance. The progressing movement does not alone belong to the leading couple, but to all persons composing the dance, either moving a couple up or down as all the couples going down the dance progressively gain a couple towards the bottom every time the figure is performed, and all the other couples forming the set will at the same time progressively move up a couple towards the top of the dance, so that the whole of the couples in the set change this situation every time the figure is performed. As soon as the top couple cat form a minor set, that is, as soon as the leading couple or couples going down the dance have gone down three couples, or performed the figure three ties, then the couple left at the top of the general set, or of any minor set, must commence. When it relates to the general set, only then each couple will, according as they stand in rotation in the dance, become successively the top couple, and so on till all the couples forming the set have in succession (what is termed) "gone down the dance", and the couple that stood at the bottom at the beginning of the dance, has progressively "worked up" to the top, and afterwards gone down three couple; that the couple called the dance begin again, and go down within three couples of the bottom, which will finish the dance. The couple that called the dance stand at the bottom for the next dance.
Are of different form and length, and take the dancer in various directions (shown by the diagrams in "The complete system of English country dancing"), before they can be of use in the systematic composition of a dance, the length of all the individual figures must be shown, and their application to the music, and also the different between long and short figures.
For the convenience of the dancer in the application of the figures to the music, and for setting country dance figures, all the different figures, as fas as regards their length, are brought under two heads, "long" and "short figures"; of which there are several qualities enumerated and treated on under their respective heads.
Are so named, from their requiring to their performance a strain of music of eight bars, which is the longest that should be used in English country dances (videlicet the article "Strains"): they are the longest also that can be applied to the use of the tables for the systematic composition of figures. Long figures are adapted for different uses in the dance, and receive additional names from the different situations in which they are performed in the dance; shown in "The complete system of English country dancing" in the article long figures, performed at top, in the centre, and at bottom of any minor set and long progressive figures. They are as nearly as possible of the same length, and occupy the same time in their performance, whether wholly composed of figure or movement, or whether a post consists of "setting", as, for instance, "hey on your sides" consists entirely of figure movement; and "set and change sides" of half figure and half setting, yet both are performed in the same time. When a dance is wholly composed of long figures, a figure is required to each strain of eight bars, as a tune of three strains with eight bar each, would require three long figures, either with or without setting, as may best suit the nature of the dance, or the taste of the company. Where the figures in this list to which setting is attached as "set and change sides" – "set and half right and left", &c. to be performed without setting, they would require but one half or four bars of the music for their performance, and would then be constituted short figures. Hence arises the impropriety of performing them without setting. While and long figures are deemed the same, though they widely differ from each other (videlicet whole figures). The following are a list of the principle long figures used in English country dancing: as
There are some few others, also a variety of new figures composed by the author, and shown by diagrams in "The complete system of English country dancing".
This class of figures receive their name from their being double or twice the length of those called long figures; as "the three ladies lead round the three gentlemen", and "the thee gentlemen lead round the three ladies"; they require twice the length of music in their performance, videlicet: a stain of eight bars repeated, or two strains played straight through, as they cannot be divided. Some of them require setting, and some are progressive as may be seen by the diagrams in "The system of English country dancing", where their use and applications to the dance are shown.
Are as nearly as possible one half of the length of the long figures, and require to their performance four bars of the music; the half figures are of the same length, but used differently. The names of the principle short figures are given in the following list in which the half figures are included. The manner in which they are used, and the direction they take in the dance may be seen by the diagrams and classes of figures for the use of the tables for composing country dances, in "The complete system of English country dancing". When these figures are applied, two are substituted for a long one, which are frequently applied to give variety and complexity to the dance. Short and half figures were formerly very much used in the composition of dances. In the old dance books many dances are composed wholly or nearly so, of short and half figures, to render the dances complex and difficult in their performance. These figures may be applied either at the top, bottom, or in the centre, of a minor set. Short figures, although only half the length of long figures, are perfect (with the exception of short progressive figures) ending where they begin, and have no setting attached to them. Some "half figures" have setting attached to them; and in this respect differ from short figures (videlicet "Half figures"). A dance may be composed wholly of short figures videlicet the dance entitled the "Caledonian rant", contained in the "Companion to the ball room", composed of four short figures. Formerly, when proper steps were not generally applied to the performance of the figure, it was the custom to divide and sub-divide figures; but to ender them systematically applicable to the strains of country dance music, only one division has been made; this the long or whole figures require a strain of eight bars; and the short or half require only four bars, or half a strain. The following list is a list of the principle short figures: as,
The terms "whole" and "long figures" are generally confused with each other, having been considered as the same; though they have quire a different meaning, there being short whole figures, and long whole figures. The term "whole figure" does not relate to the length of the figure so names, but to their being themselves finished, perfect, and indivisible, beginning and ending in the same place. These figures are of different length: "whole figure at top" requires double the music for its performance to either "allemande" or "turn your partner"; yet they are all whole figures. The last-mentioned figures are always arranged in the class of short figures; although they might be termed while figures, as they are perfect in themselves. Head a great many of the short figures been classed with those under the head long figures (except the progressive ones which are an exception to this rile, as they should always be considered as long and short, not ending where they begin, although "whole", and "half poussette" hear a different name), they might together have been termed "whole figures". To prevent as much as possible any confusion calculated to mislead the dancer, and the different figures are separated in "The Complete System of English Country Dancing".
Are portions of certain long or whole figures divided into halves, and followed by a different figure, instead of completing the long or whole figure, and are therefore names "half figures". Those long figures are taken,and generally termed whole figures, and may be danced as "whole or perfect figures", or divided into half figures, at the pleasure of the dancer; there being whole figures at top, bottom, on your own sides, and half figures, bearing the same names formed out of them: they are generally applied to five variety and complexity to the dance in their performance; as they leave the dancer on the wrong side, they must be followed by some other half or short figure to bring the dancers back again to their own sides; but their uses are fully explained in the class of irregular figures to which they belong (in "The complete system of English country dancing"). The same time is required in their performance as in the short figures, videlicet a strain of short measure unrepeated, or half a strain of eight bars.
Are those figures which in their performance leave the dancers or leading couples in the second couples place, every time the figure of the dance is finished; see the plate of the "Progressive motion of a country dance" in "The system of English country dancing",and the article "Motion and progression of the dance". They derived their names from the progressive movement towards the bottom of the dance, by bringing the top or leading couple in the place of the second couples every time one of these figures is performed in any minor set, and which progressive movement of the top or leading couple bring the second couple into, or to occupy the place of the top couple. Thus it will be seen that every dance must have at least one progressive figure to take each couple in regular succession to the bottom of the dance, to enable the couples placed at the bottom gradually to move up the couple that commenced it, although one progressive figure is sufficient for the correct performance of any English country dance, yet dances may be composed of two or even three progressive figures (see "The complete system of English country dancing", p. 232), though it very rarely occurs that more than one figure of this description is used. These are a very indispensable class of figures, as no dance can be performed without one, either short or long. They are always performed from or at the top of a minor set, but never bring the dancer back to the place from which they are taken – they are therefore called progressive figures, their performance bringing the top couple progressively to the bottom of the dance by gaining a couple every time the figure is performed; thus in a set of twenty couples, nineteen progressive figures must be performed to bring every top couple in the general set to the bottom of the dance. There are fewer progressive figures that of any other class; the following progressive figures, they are as follows:
The length of these figures, and the directions they make in the dance may be seen in "The complete system of English country dancing", by the diagrams and classes of figures for the use of the tables.
Are those figures that in their application to the dance either leave the performer on the wrong or opposite side, or below the third or bottom couple of a minor set. They are of different length: some have setting attached to them, and some are progressive figures; their length, uses, and properties are explained in "The complete system of English country dancing",
Those figures to which setting is attached, derive their name partly from the movement, and partly from the setting, the setting is generally mentioned first: as "set and change sides" – "set contrary corners" – "set and half right an left", &c. The figure employs but half the time allowed in the music, and the setting the other half.
The uses, names, and characters used, and relative to a minor set, and the method of performing each individual figure, with their length, &c. as applied to the different parts of the dance and to the music, being known to the learner, he will be able to join and connect figures together so as to form a dance. The smallest number of figures that can be employed in the formation of a dance is two. The quantity of figures either in length or number, depends on the music to which they are set; the number of figures is governed by the number of bars or stains of the music (videlicet the scheme showing the number of figures that may be set to any tune adapted to country dancing, videlicet p. 178). Single or double figures depend on whether the strains of the music are played once or repeated, and how many times repeated, videlicet p. 177. Treble figures may be set by repeating the strains or by playing them straight through. When short or half figures are set to strains of eight bars long measure, great attention must be paid to the playing of the music, two being required to one strain, one of which must end and the other begin in the middle of the strain; and frequently where there is little or no accent in the music to guide the dancer; the time must however be kept, and the figures joined together on the proper note, without any hesitation or innovation on the time. Short measure (that is strain of four bars repeated) is better adapted to short or half figures, as the figures end with the strain. A perfect knowledge must be had of the beginning and ending of every strain, and their number, to enable the learner properly to begin, end, and join figures in time and place, also of what figures every dance requires, or will admit of, either long or short, and how to blend them together, so as to produce either short or easy, long or complex, single or double figures, to suit trait own taste, or to accommodate the talent of the company. There is no resting in the dance for the leading couple, till they get to the bottom, and the music is the only guide for the beginning and ending of every individual figure, as well as to the figure of the dance; however great a number of individual figures it may contain, they must all be united and connected together, so as to lose the appearance of many parts being connected, and product that of one true mathematical figure. A knowledge of the steps and their divisions, applicable to the music, is also necessary to be known and attended to.
Are terms the author has adopted to regulate the length of the strains, as applying to English country dance music, in order to ascertain whet quantity of music is contained in each strain or tune, as to length and number of bars; the whole of the tunes applicable to English country dancing, according to the present system, are brought under two heads, long and short measure, the long containing eight full bars of music, the short containing but four full bars of music; stains have been thus regulated, in order to render them systematically applicable to the various classes of figures, which are also classed and divided into suitable lengths, to correspond with those measures, and which when well understood, will enable the dancer with a knowledge of the number and repetitions of the strains, and with the use of the tables, in "The system of English country dancing" not only to ascertain correctly how many figures any dance will require, but of what length, quality, and different variety dances may be composed; also to ascertain how many figures long or short any dance may contain. See the article entitled "The number of figures possible to be set to any country dance tune".
The figure bar marked thus 
, or thus 
, is used to divide one part of a figure from the rest, and to point out to the dancer how much figure is to be performed to each strain of the music, first having but one dot, denotes, that the strain belonging to that part of the figure to which it is set is to be played but once; the second having two dots, shows the strains to be repeated or played twice. The figure or figures placed before each strain of the music to which the figure-bar refers.The first bar relates to the first strain, the second the the second strain, and so on to the rest. In order to point out the division of the figure and music more clearly,the author has in his own works, when da capo occurs in short measure, divided the figure, by placing a bar with a single dot at the end of the capo strain, besides that which would naturally occur at the end of the capo, as in "The haunted tower", and "La belle Catherine" (see "Companion to the ball room"), because it cannot be considered like the first, a strain repeated, being in reality two different strains. The dots to divide these strains are always placed at the top of the bar, those to all others, whether in long or short measure, are always placed under the bar.
Although every country dance is composed of a number of individual figures, which may consist of
&c. yet the whole movement united is called the figure of the dance. The number and length of the various individual figures depend on the length of the music, the smallest number is two, and the greatest number is sixteen. The scheme at page 178, will show what number of long or short figures can be used to all country dance tunes, of whatever length or measure.
A strain is that part of an air terminator by a double bar, and usually consists in country dances, of four, eight, or sixteen single bars; sometimes it contains twelve bars. In cotillons, we find occasionally strains of six bars; but this latter strain is extremely unfit for a country dance figure. Country dance tunes usually consist of two strains, though they frequently called parts, by those who are unacquainted with music; as, for instance, by a tune of two parts, they mean one of two strains. Part are only the arrangement of some air for different instruments, as the horn part, the trumpet part, &c. and have no relation to strains whatever. In some airs, particularly Scottish, the last strain will frequently extend to sixteen bars in long measure; but in reality, it is only eight bars repeated, with a small alteration in the last, or two last bars of the last strain, which has been written thus, for the sake of variety in the composition. While the regularity of figure at present established is adhered to, eight bars is the greatest length to which any strain can with propriety be extended, as long figures require no more. Some strains, as have been mentioned before, contain sixteen bars, without a division, as the "Caledonian laddie" (see "Companion to the ball room"), for instance, which of course require two long figures; the author has therefore, throughout his works placed a bar with s single dot, showing the dancer the middle of the strain, to denote the quantity of figure necessary to be performed in the first eight bars, so dividing it for the convenience of the dancer, as if it were two strains of eight bar each. He has equally taken this precaution in short measure, when a strain of sixteen bars occurs, and where he considered the dancer required a guide, as much as in the article "Long measure". See the article "Long and short measure" in "The complete system of English country dancing".
The length of strains in country dance music seems never to have been attended to, either by composers, dances, or those who set the figures to the tunes, not has any thing systematic ever been adopted for their regulation, this is one of the reasons why figures are so irregularly performed, ans so litter understood. Numberless tunes formerly used, may be found not only containing strains of various lengths, but consisting of an odd number of bars, these dances could only be performed by the introduction of such pantomimical absurdities, as were formerly introduces in the old country dances (see the ancient and original state and style of English country dancing in "The complete system of English country dancing". As no regular figures could be set to them with any certainty, notwithstanding country dancing has since become more regular, and tunes containing an odd number of bars have been rejected, yet there are frequently found tunes containing strains of a variety of lengths, better calculated to puzzle that direct the dancer, some are so long as to reader it difficult, during its performance to divide the tunes exactly in the middle, when there is no sensible accent or signal to guide the ear, until the terminations of the strain. Formerly some well-known country dances contained twelve, sixteen, eighteen, twenty, twenty four, thirty two bars in a strain &c. Now since figures are systematically divided into different length and classes, it has been found requisite also to adopt suitable length and measures in the music, to make them correspond; as there, with regard to length, are reduced to two classes, as long and short figures, therefore the terms long and short measure, are terms the author has adopted in the music, to correspond with those figures. The irregular length of strains as the result of composers not being dancers themselves, in which case they would have seen the propriety of not extending their strains beyond eight bars, which would have rendered their compositions more useful to dancers, suitable to the figures, and convenient to musicians, by an uniform length of strains. All tunes not corresponding with these regular measures, should either be rejected, or if given, should be accompanied with suitable directions for their performance; the length of these strains in long or short measure, will be found under their respective heads, in "The complete system of English country dancing". There are some persons who imaging that a strain of country dance music consists uniformly of eight bars, that is incorrect, although it ought to be so to suit the figures, yes there are many to be found consisting of sixteen bars, and other of only found, for although they are generally the case formally, would totally exclude all single figures, from tines with eight bars in a strain in long measure, see next article, "Single and double figures".
Are terms used to express the quantity of figure required in a country dance; and these depend invariable on the respective air to which they are danced. A single figure us the smallest quantity of figure that can possible be selected in one portion (or according to the usual term, set) to the tune; single figures can only be performed to short measure repeated, or to strains of long measure not repeated. To constitute what is termed a double figure, several figures must be placed together equal to twice the number of quantity required for a single figure; and the music, to admit of a double figure, will require the strains of eight bars to be repeated, and the strains of four bars to be played twice through with repeats.
Every country dance is composed of several different figures, teen, the usual number are from three to eight; the following scheme will show what number of long and short figures can possibly be set to all the country dance tunes, by which it will be also seen that every tune will take as many long, and twice as many short figures as there are strain in the music. The length of strains alluded to, are those of eight bars unrepeated, or if four bars repeated, which is the proper length for English country dances.
Country dances are performed to tunes of various length, divided into strains or parts, by upright double bars, thus ||, and when the strain is repeated, two dots are added thus :||:. These usual numbers being gour, eight, and sometimes sixteen bars, which is the greatest number, and sometimes for the sake of variety in the composition of the music, instead of repeating a strain of eight bars, the whole sixteen will be written straight through, this is sometimes done for the purpose of introducing a small alteration in the last, or two last bars, when this is the case, it generally occurs in the last strain of a tune, and may frequently be found in old Scotch tunes. A tune may sometimes be found to contain a strain with twelve bars, which measure is now seldom used. The strains in country dance tunes ought never to contain more that eight bars each, although, as has been before observed, sixteen bars are frequently written straight through, instead of repeating the strain of eight bars, and yet where this is the case, so near is it in reality to a repetition of eight bars, that with the exception of a few notes in the last, or two last bars, the music is note for note the same , and notwithstanding that many tunes are to be found particularly in the old country dance books, which contain a much greater number of bars in each strain, they must be never taken as authorities, as no dependence whatever can be placed in them, most of them having originally been songs, and introduced into country dance books, by persons totally unacquainted with the system of English country dancing. For a further elucidation of this subject, the the articles "Length of strains" and "Stains or parts".
When it occurs, signifies that the tine to which it is attached ends with the first strain, and is used as a reference to prevent the trouble of writing the strain again, and thus an air of two strains of eight bars each, that is in long measure, with da capo attached to it, consists really of three strains, and a tune of three strains and da capo is equal to four strains. In short measure it seldom makes any addition to the length of tune, as the first strain is usually played twice, the second but once, and then the da cope or first strains again, which together make but four short strains, which would be so without the da capo, as in the case the second strain would necessarily be repeated.
Of "Lead down and up again", – "Whole poussette", – "Swing with the right hand round one couple", &c. when performed, attention to the music is necessary, as the couples must move up the the leading couple's place, as they progressively move down, to keep the proper distance between the couples, and give the leading couple room to perform the succeeding figures, or to commence the dance again.
In the selecting of figures for the composition of English country dances, it is necessary that a knowledge should be had of their various effects in the dance, notwithstanding that many of them are of the same length, and performed from the same situation, an though directed at or from the top, are yet not so well adapted to the commencement of the dance: it is the same with figures adapted to the conclusion of the dance. Care should be taken not to choose all such figures as bear too great a similarity in appearance to each other, either in form or effect, or such figures that only employ the leading couple (unless there be particular reason) the other couples being consequently unemployed, render it irksome to them, particularly if the set be numerous. One reason for their being introduced has been that the company generally being bad dancers, and not understanding figures, they have been chosen, to enable couple calling the dance to display their abilities; and by thus preventing confusion in the dance, have been in no danger of having their exclusive evolutions broken into, or spoiled, though the inability of others, they being little more that silent spectators. When a company consists of tolerably good dancers, they should be so united as to give activity and employment to the company, according to the length of the music. A dance ought not to be wholly composed of circular figures as they tend to excite giddiness in the dancers, and produce a sameness of appearance. When a dance is intended to be rendered difficult and complex, let it be composed principally of short or half figures, set to tunes in long measure; there being little or no accent in this measure for the direction of the joining of the figures. To enable good dancers to display their abilities, choose principally those figures, which bad dancers most fear, as they seldom have any steps properly adapted thereto. Slow music also tends to expose bad dancers. The most difficult figures for indifferent dancers to perform are
Therefore, when a dance is called to be performed amongst indifferent dancers, such figures ought to be avoided, to prevent confusion. Double, and even treble figures, should be practised by the learner; but not called, unless in companies of good dancers. In selecting the figures for a dance, it is not advisable to take too many from one class, or of those performed from one situation; but to take some from each, and give them as much variety as the length of the tune and the talent of the company will admit.
As three couples constitute a country dance, as to number of persons, the figures are so composed as to be kept within their distance of standing. A great error, committed by many persons, particularly to be avoided, is, that a couple in "going down the middle", and in "cast off two couple", instead of confining themselves to the distance of three couple, frequently extend the figures beyond six couples, and consequently interfere with the preceding couples.
Should possess the necessary requisites for performing the duty they may have to execute, in setting the company an example, and dire ting them (when required) in the performance of the dance. Such a dance should be called, as they thoroughly understand, and are able to perform with facility. When part of the company are indifferent dancers, the persons forming the dance should be selected and placed according to their talent and knowledge of dancing; the best couples at and near the top, that by their performance the others may become instructed in the figure, previous to their having to lead off, otherwise it frequently happens, that the dance is obliged to be changed.
Should invariably be observed; but it too frequently occurs, that one half of the persons composing the dance are in conversations on subjects generally unconnected with the dance; their attention so frequently required, not only thereby becomes diverted, but the music, which is the guide for the dancer, is prevented from being distinctly heard.
Is too frequently practised, but should be prevented by those whose province it may be to see that due respect is paid to the person calling the dance; it being impossible to perform the figure of the dance with effect, or correctly, when the couples stand to near to each other.
While the figure is performing, it is requisite for every person in the dance to observe, whether any of the figures require their attention and assistance for their correct performance, and what number of couples they may require; otherwise, for want of proper attentions, part of the music becomes lost, and the music and figure cannot then be finished together without much bustle, as the music must not wait on the dancers, but the dancers perform the figures and steps as properly adapted thereto.
Whatever figure is performed, it should be finished in its proper place before another is commenced; the regularity of the dance must otherwise be completely destroyed. The progressive figures should be finished in the centre; and those at top, &c. that bring the dancer back to the same place, should finish in the straight line with the other couples, always observing to finish the figure with the last note of the music.
For the purpose of blending amusement with instruction, and to facilitate the learner's acquirement of something more that a superficial knowledge of country dancing, as well as to convince those persons of the error who hold country dancing as simple trifling art, very easily attainable, the following positions are laid down, to show the nature, extent, and variety, of which country dancing consists, though to some persons, particularly to learners, they may appear paradoxical; yes they are self-evident truth, capable of being clearly explained by good dancers, and rendered easily demonstrable, by an attention to those parts of the work on country dancing, to which they more immediately relate.
This dance for sociability is famed,
And for construction few have yet been named
To equal it. The scale progressive takes
The leaders down, and then fresh leaders makes,
However large the party, one and all
May join, and have successively a call.
Bel. Its sociability I'll not dispute,
It's structure will all idle dancers suit;
There's some by standing close, think none can tell
The difference, whether they dance ill or well;
These, from the stupid and the lazy learn,
To say and think none can their faults discern.
But they are most egregiously deceived,
For a bad dancer's easily perceived.
Of this they seem unconscious, and persist
In their own way, and good advice resist;
The country dance when well performed, you'll see
Is scientific, and for sociability
Unequalled, which all persons must agree;
I mean when well performed, with steps and grace,
And when the dancers all keep time and place.
Jem. For popularity, the country dance
Exceeded all the dances made in France;
It was danced at foreign courts, and at our own,
In every clime where England e'er was known.
Bel. The structure of the dance, I wish to know,
And how composed, I'll get you now to show.
Jem. On mathematic principles, you'll find
This dance composed, with science well combined:
Of major and of minor sets it is formed,
And may by fifty couples be performed:
Has couples neutral and auxiliary,
A scale to take down each progressively,
Which brings the bottom to the top, where they
May in their turn as leaders, lead the way.
Bel. I've often seen a country dance, when formed
In the same room, by several sets performed;
Are they all different dances, or the same?
Do they bear, one or all, a different name?
Jem. From the first row these sets all emanate.
They're branches from it, and to that relate.
However many rows or sets you find,
To the same figure they are all confined,
And formed numerically as 1, 2, 3,
Or alphabetically as A, B, C;
If in one line great numbers stand, you may
Divide them into sets as C, B, A;
It will save much time and less fatiguing prove,
To those who don't long country dances love;
Where rooms are short and will in breadth admit,
You may have several sets, if you think fit,
All formed in parallel lines that branch from A,
Or the first set, which means the same, you'll say;
They're but continuations of one line,
Where want of length the dancers does confine.
The tracks or figures are named short and long:
To these denominations all belong,
And they are in six different classes formed,
Which show their use and how they are performed.
Irregular figures too you'll likewise find,
And some have setting steps with them combined,
No correct knowledge of them can be gained,
Unless they are by diagrams explained;
There's whole, and half figures, but then you'll find,
From length some whole are with the short combined;
Single and double figures must be known,
Their uses and construction clearly shown
There you compose know every figures use,
Their evolutions, simple or abstruse,
And must know how such figures to select,
As give the dances interest and effect,
There you can dances make, you ought to show;
With dancing you a little music know:
And what are meant by bars, strains, and da capo,
Long and short measure, and the times that they
Should all the various country dances play.
And tell what figures every tune will suit;
And know how short for long, to substitute;
The figure of the dance, and figure bar,
You must explain, and know like evening star;
And likewise know what figures to select,
To give the dances interest and effect.
There's some abuses dancers need reform,
And duties they to others should perform
As knowing how to soit the dance to those
Capacities who may the dance compose;
The keeping silence in the dance, that they
May hear the music; – and attention pay
To every figure in the dance, or where
Each figure ends; and how each wants their care,
Watch the progressive motion of the dance,
Know when to move, retire, or advance;
The crowding to the top you should avoid,
And know how every dancer is employed;
When in the set, at proper distance stand,
That all may see and clearly understand
What evolutions every figure makes,
And what direction every dancer takes.
In leading down, you should know where to stop,
And mind you're skilled before you take the top,
With other matters I could here advance,
There you can dance the English country dance:
I mean to dance it scientifically,
And understand it systematically.
There's other terms and technicalities,
And characters with figures and their qualities,
Which must be known with proper steps, and they
When they're performed, must ease and grace display;
Till this is done, no persons showed advance,
That they well understand a country dance.
Some day by way of paradox, I'll show,
What may be done and what you ought to know;
Which when explained, I have no doubt, you'll own,
That English country dancing's little known.
Here come some children, and the music too,
They will assist in what we're going to do;
They'll help to form a set – with six you know,
We then through any country dance can go.
Jem. Now for a Country Dance, a set we'll make,
I for my partner, will miss Coupée take.
Play us "The Merry Thought", although not new,
It will bring reflection strange, and pleasant too;
It will what they call a merry sprightly air,
It will raise the spirits, also banish care.
Bel. Let's have it by all means, for you must know,
My spark's237237. This allusion, though it may appear irrelevant, was in the sketch as originally written and performed, the whole of which is now composed in the present poem. base conduct's made me very low.
We are ready, sirs, it is time we have begun.
Jem. Stop, sirs – we, for a country dance want one,
And one who through a threesome reel can go.
Bel. Then there's your aunt miss Biddy Frump below,
Who's fond of dancing; and she often says,
She once was at a ball two nights and days,
Danced out three pair of shoes at that great ball;
That fifty couples stood up to her call:
Danced "Money Musk"238238. Money Musk, Cheshire Rounds, and Scotch Contention, were old country dances, celebrated for long figures., "Cheshire Rounds", "Scotch Contention",
And many more hard figures she does mention.
There's nothing like them now, you'll hear her say,
She's so conceited in her formal way.
Jem. She's what we want, and dances just like those
Pretenders we are going to expose.
Some lessons in quadrilles and waltzing, she
Once took, when courted by young Mister B.;
She lost her lover at a grand waltz ball,
So now hates modern dances, one and all.
Betwixt you and me, her imitations are
True pictures, for she's got them to a hair;
We'll let her give the reel in her own way,
And stand up merely to perform the hey;
She's stiff and formal, sails along like those
Stiff joint-less puppets, seen at penny shows.
Her steps, her style, her manner now displays,
What ball-room dancers were in former days;
I won't say all, but many I well know,
Dance like her, who learnt fifty years ago.
I'll call her up – it will please her to a hair;
She'll be delighted in a dance to share.
Bel. Now, gentleman, I have one request to make,
That when miss Frump comes in, no heed you'll take
Of her, or of her dress, or her odd way,
Nor how she dances, nor of what she says —
She's rather formal, which her dress will tell,
Miss Biddy Frump's no Cranbourn Alley belle.
Miss Frump. Hey day! what have we music here? that's right,
I am overjoyed; we'll have a dance to night.
Jem. By all means aunt – for that I came to you;
You now can help us out in something new.
Miss Frump. I'll join in any thing, country dance or reel,
Can beat my steps, with either toe or heel;
Can run the hey – can figure out or in.
Bel. It is growing late – Jemima, let's begin.
Jem. You know its ball night, aunt, and ten to one,
Had it not rained, before this weed begun.
Miss Frump. My toes are itching to begin; now say
What it shall be, and bid the music play.
Jem. I should have told you aunt, that we propose
To give some imitations, here of those
New fangled dances, waltzes and quadrilles,
And those queer modern dancing Jacks and Jills.
Miss Frump. You may say Jacks and Jills, for such queer guests
I never saw, as ball rooms now infest.
If I could see them well exposed, it would be
The greatest pleasure you could give to me;
I shall be happy to make one, and show
That I the antics of these gentry know.
Bel. We'll now begin; here are miss Frump and I,
Who will the leading couple now supply.
Jem. Play the dance I mentioned, sirs, rather slow;
Musicians. I fear miss, we that dance don't rightly know.
Miss Frump (to Jemima). What is the true? Have you the music brought?
Jem. It is you old favourite, aunt "The Merry Thought".
Miss Frump. A charming tune "The Merry Thought" I love;
If it's well played, ah! that will make you move.
I'm for a merry tune; at our last ball,
I239239. Miss Frump, it will be observed, is not a polished dancer, she is supposed to have been taught in the ordinary style about forty or fifty years ago, when those dances she mentions were favorites in the Ball Room. "Buttered Peas" and "Jack's Alive" did call.
Jem. If you don't recollect "The Merry Thought", now play
The last new tune, called "Buxom, Young, and Gay".
We're ready, sirs – three chords, and then begin;
Come to your places, children – now stand in.
Bel. Dance as you've just described them, then it will be
Instruction and amusement both for me.
Miss Frump. I'll show you how I have seen some sorry fops,
Dance country dances, at your modern hops.
Bel. This is just like them, and I wish these elves
Could only see what fools they make themselves;
Instead of country dancing, I am quite sure,
Foreigners would call such stuff a caricature.
Jem. To see them dance, it would never be supposed
The dance was on true principles composed;
So unlike mathematic rules they go,
From what they do, a stranger scarce would know
The middle or beginning, or intent
Of those who dance, or what is really meant;
And what's still more, the time they seldom keep,
Some run the figures – others through them creep
So slow, they lose the time; whilst those who run,
Will end the figures here the tune's hand done.
The music seems no guide, though all advance,
Without good music they can never dance;
They know not good from bad – quick tunes will please,
They'd dance as well to warning pan and keys,
With which old women mostly swarm their bees.
Bel. Now for a quadrille, and let us straight proceed,
My Aunt, miss Frump, and I, will take the lead;
Play the first set sirs, the tunes you know,
Not very quick, but sweetly moderato.
Jem. Quadrilles are generally played so quick, not one
In ten can dance the steps, they're forced to run.
Without the music's played in time correct,
And well in tune, with taste and some effect;
Dancing can never please, be what it will,
Waltzing, country dancing, or quadrille:
Musicians should not bear quite all the blame,
Composers to a portion have a claim;
For many authors now quadrilles compose,
Who never try to make – what some suppose,
Simple melody; but all their art display,
To make them cramp and difficult to play.
Bel. There's many of them if played e'en so well,
Will never please the ear, nor ever sell;
For they forget, simplicity and ease
In music, as in verse will always please.
Jem. Quadrilles have lately so fast multiplied,
That all the world from us may be supplied;
The dancer makes quadrilles, as he supposes,
And every crotched-monger now composes;
Each on the town his own chef d'oeuvre imposes.
Numbers we have – but numbers you well know,
Too frequently but serve to make a show;
Experience always quality prefers,
And says one lion's worthfull twenty curs;
That half the new quadrilles – I proof can bring,
Are like a fiddler harping on one string:
Examine them – they are as like each other,
As bairns of honest wife are like their mother;
Like country dance collections, made for gain,
They're mostly spun from some dull foolish brain.
Some think their name in print at once will show,
That they quadrilles and dancing really know;
That they'll make something new there's little hope,
As they but twist and untwist the same rope;
From "The First Set", or old cotillions they
Make "new quadrilles" for such they are, they say —
Examine them; and those they'd pass as new
Would make a Frenchman shrug and "Sacre Dieu".
They're immethodical and not combined,
And of a species of no national kind;
The French and English styles are there confused,
And every rule of science is abused.
Yet they at something national will try,
And on a name or bagpiper rely240240. The author of certain Scotch Quadrilles, as he terms them, in order to prove their nationality, appears to have wholly relied on the tunes, and the print of a Scotch bagpiper in the title page — they should recollect the old adage "Good wine needs no bush".;
A print, they think, will often make fools buy.
So our professors put their trust in these
Devices – which do fools and children please;
And give them titles (if not rational)
To make you think they're really national;
A striking title they've been told will tell,
And oft will make the sorriest rubbish sell;
Therefore you'll find we've Cameronians,
Hibernians and Caledonians:
And many other catching names, which they
In large and ornamental type display;
You from their titles might expect to find,
Some steps and figures of a national kind.
The name is all that's national, the rest
Is but mere imitation at the best;
What they call Scotch, old reckie would disown,
Their steps nor figures would as Scotch be known;
241241. Located in footnote in originalThere are several sets of what are termed "Scotch quadrilles", which are only Scotch as to name and tune, having no other national characteristic, being composed of French quadrille figures and steps. In order to enable those who are conversant with Scotch dancing, to judge how far these are entitled to the appellation of Scotch, the reader is here presented with the figures of
The first and opposite couples hands across and back,
Set and turn partners,
Ladies chain,
Half promenade,
Half right and left.
First gentleman advance twice,
The four ladies set to gentleman at their right, and turn with both hands, each taking next lady's place,
Promenade quite round.
First lady and opposite gentleman advance and retire,
Back to back,
Top couple lead between the opposite couple,
Return leading outside,
Set at the corners, and turn with both hands to places,
all set in a circle.
First lady and opposite gentleman advance and stop, then their partners advance,
Turn partners to places,
The four ladies move to right, each taking the next lady's place and stop,
The four gentlemen move to left, each taking the next gentleman's place and stop,
The ladies repeat the same to the right,
Then the gentlemen to the left,
All join hands and lead half round to places,
All turn partners.
First gentleman lead his partner round inside the figure,
The four ladies advance, join right hands and retire,
The the gentlemen perform the same,
All set and turn partners,
Chain figure of eight half round and set,
All promenade to places and turn partners,
All change sides, join right hands at corners and set,
Back again to places,
All promenade at the finish.
The following is a set of what the author terms "Scotch quadrilles", which are adapted to Scotch steps, and he submits them to the judgement of those, who are acquainted with the national characteristic – they are entitled
The top couple half figure, contrary sides and hands across with bottom couple,
Half figure back on your own sides, and turn partner to places,
Swing partners with right hands into straight line long-ways, as in a reel, and
Set,
Hey and return to places,
The other three couples do the same.
Top and bottom couples meet and set,
Then each gentleman leas the opposite lady to the couple on his left, and set,
Aach four right and left,
Swing side couples to places, and turn partners all eight,
The other two couple o the same.
The top lady and bottom gentleman meet, set and pass round partners to places,
Then the top gentleman and bottom lady do the same,
Top and bottom couples meet,
Each gentleman leads opposite lady to the couple on his left,
Set, forming two straight lines cross-ways,
Then hey,
Lead through the sides,
Return to places and turn partners, all eight,
The other three couples do the same.
The top lady sets to the gentleman on her right, at same time the top gentleman sets to the lady on his left, and each hands three with the couple on their own side,
The top lady and bottom gentleman advance and retire, and chassez right and left,
The top gentleman and bottom lady do the same,
All eight half round and set,
Continue round to places and set,
The other three couples do the same.
Hey on your own sides,
The star,
Ladies moulinet while gentlemen chassez round,
All set, holding hands and turn to places,
Chassez croissez, and
Promenade all eight,
The other three couples do the same.
Of these there's various sets – yet all declare
Theirs are original – others spurious ware;
The tunes they in these new quadrilles display,
Are reels and songs that Scotch bagpipers play;
When e'en a set is danced that gains a name,
A dozen sets though different bear the same.
Those termed "Hibernians", the town beguile,
Which are not Irish in their form or style;
The name is all – the figures are the same,
As those which are well known – they trust to name;
And should they differ, call them and I'll bet,
The figures danced are those of the first set.
This is the dancer's fault and serves to show
That they stand up to what they do not know;
For time, length, figures, it is now confessed,
The old first set's a guide to all the rest,
Which are composed of the same length, that they
The old first set of figures may display;
Six sets, some say "they've have danced at such a ball",
But danced the figures of the first to all.
242242. Located in footnote in originalIt frequently occurs when dancers call different sets of quadrilles, and the musicians play the original music to each set; the dancers for want of ability, perform the figures of the first set to all, and are seldom ashamed to boast of the several sets they have danced, and even to enumerate their names.
Le pantalon.
Top an bottom couple right and left,
Ladies chain,
Half promenade, and
Half right and left,
The others two couples do the same.
L'été.
The top lady and bottom gentleman advance and retire,
Chassez to right and left, cross over,
Chassez right and left,
Return to places,
Set and turn partners,
The other three couples do the same.
La poule.
The top lady and opposite gentleman cross over on the right hand, and set,
Back on the left, and
Set four in line,
Half promenade,
The leading lady and opposite gentleman advance or retire and back to back,
Top and bottom couples advance and retire, and half right and left to places,
The other three couples do the same.
Trenise.
Ladies chain, with top and bottom ladies,
Set and turn partners,
First couple advance twice, leaving the lady on the left of the opposite gentleman,
The two ladies cross and change sides, while the gentleman passes between and sets,
The same repeated,
The other three couples do the same.
La pastourelle.
The first couple advance twice, leaving the lady on the left of the opposite gentleman,
The three advance and retire,
Hands three round,
The the gentleman advances twice,
Hands four round, and half right and left,
The other three couples do the same.
When the figure is repeated, the gentleman is left on the right of the opposite lady, the the leading lady man have the pas seul.
Finale.
Promenade all eight,
L'été figure,
Ladies moulinet, and
All eight set and turn,
The other three couples do the same,
Finish with chassez croissez.
Note bene. La pastourelle is sometimes omitted, as it was not originally in the first set, but subsequently introduced, and short finales are sometimes danced, which generally consist only of promenade eight, and L'été figure.
Composers know what dancers of our day,
Are as to memory, not quite so au fait
As Caesar243243. Julius Cæsar has been celebrated for possessing amongst his other great qualities, a memory of the most extensive kind, and it is even recorded of him, that he knew the name of every soldier in one of the Roman legions., who could recollect, it is said,
Five hundred soldiers names on the parade;
Or famous Magliabecchi244244. Magliabecchi, librarian to the grand Duke of Tuscany, had a prodigious memory, is said to have recollected verbatim, a manuscript that had been lent to him by a gentleman, who pretended to have lost it, in order to ascertain the extent of this extraordinary man's recollection. who, I've heard,
Could volumes recollect, aye, word for word.
Bel. Comparisons like these are wide and big,
As betwixt the premier and the learned pig;
For modern dancers heads are different made,
They know no figures, but those used in trade.
Jem. They to new music now old figures use,
And call them new, well knowing few refuse
To dance or purchase any thing that's new,
And take for granted what they're told is true.
To hear the first set played it now would be,
Aye next to an impossibility245245. The original music of the old First Set is now seldom ever heard, as it has become a frequent practice with musicians, whenever a particular set is called, to play any thing but the original music. A set of their own or something composed to amuse themselves (neither to please the dancers ears nor to direct their feet) is substituted. When these liberties are taken by unskilful hands, which is too frequently the case for the sake of practice, the dancer has great cause of complaint, not only on account of tune of time also.;
For when the first set's called, musicians say
Thus to each other, "Now what shall we play?"
For practice or to please some leading crotchet,
They something new select and mostly botch it:
Musicians will too oft, to show their skill,
Play strange new sets, but then perform them ill.
Bel. Many of those new sets are very bad,
If tried by rule only notes run mad:
This makes the dancers curse these innovations,
And scratch their ears to hear such mutilations;
And with (for tune and time, not tuneless noise),
They'd keep their senseless trash for girls and boys,
And play the original music, which rely,
Would suit the dance, and dancers satisfy.
Jem. All ought to play it – all this set should know,
And if they cannot, should renounce the bow.
Bel. Since first quadrilles were introduced, you'll find
Musicians have improved of every kind;
They're forced to practice and obliged to read,
And this to some is punishment indeed.
Jem. There's some quadrilles so difficult to play,
They would quite pose some fiddlers of the day,
Bel. Is all the music of these sets composed,
And really new, as many have supposed.
Jem. For half the sets the music is selected,
From overtures and operas its collected;
Yet these composers to it put their name,
And call it theirs, as they've no sense of shame;
Then plead that others have done so before,
And of such honest authors name a score.
Some crotchet splitters who cannot (I've heard)
An octave count, or wreck up a third;
Hearing "The Lancers" produced pelf and fame,
Have turned composers, and now print their name;
Their merits must be obvious to those
Who know these authors, and who can compose.
Bel. How do they get them danced, for who would call
Such compositions at a real grand ball.
Jem. If not at balls – there's yet another way,
To have them danced by sweeps the first of May.
Bel. Yet some quadrilles, which I don't recollect
By name, are beautiful and have effect;
And far exceed the usual country dance;
And e'en those sets which have been brought from France,
For many of them have been made by those,
Who for our national theatres compose;
They're pleasing, tasteful, have variety,
And may be harmonized with great propriety.
Quadrilles our ball room music have improved,
The country dance monotony's246246. It frequently occurs in English country dancing, that one tune is repeated for an hour and a half or two hours together, should the length of the set require it. removed.
Bel. Besides those new quadrilles composed in France,
What other sets in public do they dance?
Jem. The Lancers and Der Freichutz stand confessed
To be most known although they're not the best:
Some foreigners, who want not taste or skill,
Declare they're not the genuine quadrille;
In their construction they have boldly stated,
The rules of art have all been violated.
The Lancers is a figure dance, they say,
In which no dancers can their skill display,
A sort of heterogeneous children's play.
Ability and steps are not required,
To dance those Lancers now so much admired.
247247. Located in footnote in originalTo enable the reader to form his own judgement on the subject, he is here presented with the whole of the figures of
The first gentleman and opposite lady advance and set,
Turn with both hands, retiring to places,
Top couple lead between opposite couple,
Return leading outside,
Set and turn at corners.
First couple advance twice, leaving lady on left of opposite gentleman,
Set in the centre,
Turn to places,
All advance in two lines,
All turn partners.
First lady advance and stop, the the opposite gentleman,
Both retire turning round,
The ladies' hands across quite round, at the same time the gentlemen lead round outside to the right, all resume partners and places.
First couple set to couple at right,
Set to couple at left,
Change places with partners and set,
Turn partners to places,
Right and left with opposite couple.
Chain figure of eight all quite round to places,
The first couple advance and turn facing the top,
Then couple at right advance behind the top couple,
Then the couple at left and opposite couple do the same, forming two lines,
All change places with partners,
Back again,
The ladies cast off the their right, while the gentlemen cast off to their left,
Meet and lead your partners up the centre,
Set in two lines, the ladies in one line, and gentlemen in the other,
Turn partners to places,
All promenade at the finish.
Bel. They're English Dances I must here admit.
Jem. Foreigners say for Johnny Bull quite fit.
Bel. Be as they may, these dances mostly please,
And what's more cheering may be learnt with ease;
And now are danced by all, both old and young,
The music's prized, the tunes are danced and sung.
Jem. But in "Der Freichutz" figures, there no doubt,
The author's genius could not bear him out;
248248. Located in footnote in originalThat the reader may make his own comparison, and judge of the accuracy of the author's remarks, he has here given the figures of Der Freichutz quadrilles.
La resolue.
Chassez croissez, four cross immediately and remain; the other four do the same,
Half promenade to places,
Turn your partner,
Ladies chain,
The ladies set to gentlemen on their right, the gentlemen to ladies on their left, and turn to places.
La divine
The first couple set to the couple on their right,
Hands four round,
The same couple set on their left,
Hands four round,
Half promenade, and half right and left with opposite couple,
The other dancers do the same.
L'elegante.
The first couple advance between the opposite couple, in returning lead outside,
First lady and opposite gentleman chassez,
Turn in the centre to their places,
The ladies moulinet,
The gentlemen take their partners left hand, and promenade to places,
The other dancers do the same.
Der Freichutz.
Chassez croissez quatre,
Pastourelle.
La finale.
La grande ronde,
L'été.
He only has three figures if you look,
The other two from the first set be took;
And those are not perhaps what some expected,
They're from the Lancers and first set selected;
But Freichutz had a name – a name's enough,
To pass off any trite or wretched stuff;
The music of this set, I will engage,
Will please as long as Freichutz on the stage;
If Freichutz figures should want novelty,
Character, arrangement, and variety;
Composers are not always here to blame,
The fault's oft dancers, (say it to their shame)
For when that something new should he proposed,
From fear or ignorance the thing's opposed;
And if attempted, those stand up to try,
To whom dame Nature did the art deny
To see such dance new sets would drive you crazy,
For some want ears, and some are dull and lazy;
Then fools of all sorts always do (depend)
Find fault with what they do not comprehend;
They're "nasty ugly things" they mostly say,
"Can only he the fashion of the day".
Bel. Yet these declaimers will not hesitate,
To learn that slyly they pretend to hate.
Jem. To make out something new each teacher tries,
And with old figures new quadrilles supplies;
And some have title – if not rational,
To make you think they're really national.
Bel. Whatever is popular is thread-bare worn,
Aye, turned and twisted, and to atoms torn;
To ake it out – its patched and so extended,
And e'en with different colours often mended;
And made as common as the king's highway,
Or postman's livery that's seen every day
Till like the dandy horses – now laid by,
Quadrilles will of the popular surfeit die;
The term quadrille's not to that dance confined,
For they with other dances are combined
Some of the waltz and country dance partake,
Others from form249249. The circular quadrilles, originally introduced by the author of this Work, derive their name from their being danced in a circular form instead of the usual manner. alone their titles take;
250250. Located in footnote in originalThe author was also the original inventor of that species denominated "Waltz quadrilles", from their combining the waltz with the quadrille figures, as he was likewise of the country dance quadrilles, so called from blending in a particular manner both these forms of dancing.
The reader is here presented with the figures of the
The top lady and bottom gentleman advance and retire, and chassez right and left,
Top and bottom couples waltz round each other twice, and
Grand chain,
The other three couples do the same.
Top lady pas seul,
Bottom gentleman ditto,
Each gentleman turns the lady on his left, his partner,
All eight waltz round to places,
And chassez croissez,
The other three couples do the same.
The four ladies meet in the centre set, and pass round their partners on the left,
Top and bottom couples half promenade, side couples ditto,
All eight hands half round to places and turn partners,
Top couple waltz round within the circle,
The other three couples successively do the same, and the grand round,
The other three couples do the same.
Pastourelle figure,
(single) top couple serpentine waltz (between the couples),
And grand promenade.
The top lady and bottom gentleman advance and retire twice,
Top and bottom couples waltz round each other twice,
All eight waltz round to places,
Each gentleman changes places with the lady on his left, set and back again,
All eight sauteuse waltz round,
Top and bottom couples advance, honour to opposites, return to places, and honours to partners,
The other three couples do the same.
The reader is here likewise presented with
Whole figure at top (or round the second gentleman and fourth lady),
Ladies chain,
Half promenade and half right and left,
The other three couples do the same.
Set and change place with bottom couple, and back again,
Top and bottom couples meet, set and draw poussette,
Each gentleman leads the opposite lady through the sides, return to places and turn partners,
The other two couples do the same.
All eight hands completely round,
Top and bottom couples lead through and change places,
Half figure on their own sides back to places,
And grand promenade,
The other two couples do the same.
The top couple hands three with the lady on the left, then with the gentleman on the right,
The top lade advances to and places herself between the couple on her left, and the gentleman between the couple on his right,
Set three and three, back to back, turn and set face to face,
All allemande and turn partners to places,
The other three couples do the same.
The top lady with her right hand swings the gentleman on her right, while the top gentleman with his left hand swings the lady on his left, and turn partners,
Hey on your own sides, and
Grand chain,
The other three couples do the same.
Yet there are those who better things could dance,
(If e'en composers would give them a chance),
And dance quadrilles such as we've seen in France,
Now tell me which quadrilles you think the best.
Jem. The original French first set is now confessed,
For merit to exceed e'en all the rest:
At many places the "First Set", is all
That's danced, or ever asked for at a ball;
Sometimes the second set is used, but they
Do no originality display
For if you look, I think I'm not mistaken,
The three first figures from the first are taken.
The first, second and third dances as in first set.
4th
Ladies chain,
Double,
Set and turn partners,
Advance two, chasse right and left,
Cross,
Chassez right and left,
Cross,
Turn partners,
Half promenade,
Half right and left.
5th
All round,
Advance four,
Set,
Change ladies,
Advance,
Set, and
Resume ladies,
Set and turn partners,
Right and left,
The four promenade to places.
6th
Right and left,
Gentleman advance twice,
Lady the same,
Set an turn partners,
Ladies hands across, and back,
All eight set and turn partners, and
Finish with promenade all eight.
The old first set is all that thousands know,
Though they to quadrille balls do constant go;
From them you'll find some hundred sets are made,
Which if not danced, have yet made good for trade;
And many have been used with special care,
In forming dolls and curling ladies hair
Of "Paine's, of Almack's", sixteen sets I'm told,
Or more were published if they were not sold;
Paine's followed the first set, and then were all
The town supplied, or were danced at a ball;
Though in them there's not much variety,
The figures are composed with some propriety
They're French – the tunes have mostly been selected,
Or altered so to hide from whence collected;
To these succeeded sets of every kind,
To nation, style – nor character confined.
Bel. The "Old First Set", I must confess to you,
I never yet throughout correctly knew.
Jem. You'll find this card (gives a card) the figures does contain,
The technic terms of art I will explain;
With only four, the first set you may dance,
But new quadrilles (which some say come from France),
Want eight to form a set – for reasons why,
They can't appropriate figures now supply;
For sets of four, new figures can't he found,
For greater numbers figures do abound;
Since first the mania for quadrilles existed,
Every old figure has been turned and twisted;
And many figures are fresh named by those
Who would as new – them on the town impose,
Now as the rage for new quadrilles increases,
They pull the old cotillions all to pieces —
To form out something new, but then you'll say,
That talent few professors now display,
They've not from Euclid252252. Euclid, a celebrated mathematician of antiquity., or Archimedes253253. Archimedes, a most famous geometrician of Syracuse, who died 208 years before the birth of Christ.,
Drawn their resources to instruct and please;
But from each other, taking it for granted,
They're quite as good and regular as wanted;
And if they're not quite mathematical,
Or are not strictly geometrical;
They're yet what pass for new quadrilles, but they
Can only live and flourish for a day.
Bel. Although I have danced quadrilles, yet I must own,
Their real construction is to me unknown,
As also are the technic terms of art,
Their meaning I must beg you to impart;
The names the figures hear, their qualities,
Their use, and other technicalities,
What length these dances are, and if composed
Scientifically, as it's supposed
What sort of music these quadrilles require,
Their time, their style, and length, I must enquire.
This knowledge I am anxious to attain;
Jem. These subjects I'll endeavour to explain.
The technic terms of art you well should know,
There you to quadrille balls attempt to go
Learn them by heart, that when you dance, you may
Know what comes next, and be what's termed au fait.
Quadrilles are formed in octagons and squares,
The couples stand quite opposite in pairs;
Each lady on her partner's right they place,
Then opposite a gentleman she'll face.
The top is where the dance begins, and may
If dancers please, be formed a different way;
Four tops and bottoms has each dance in turn254254. All quadrilles that are danced four times, as l'Eté, may be sa'd to have four tops and four bottoms.,
And how they're made you from this card may learn.
Quadrilles are either 2/4 or 6/8,
From these two times quadrilles all emanate,
And each quadrille's composed as a rondo,
As every tune must end with a da capo;
Figures are long and short; the long will take
Eight bars, when you their evolutions make;
The short require but four, and they may be
Danced in that time, with great propriety.
Bel. How many figures does each dance contain?
Jem. Your card their names and numbers will explain255255. See the figures in the first set, page 192..
The genuine figures have French names you'll find,
Others are mostly of a mongrel kind;
Some of the principal I'll here select,
And give the names of those I recollect.
There's promenade, grand chaîne, balancez,
Dos a dos, les lignes, grand rond, traversez,
256256. Located in footnote in originalThis and the other following figures are described by diagrams in "The quadrille panorama". In describing these terms where the English translation is not litera, the technical meaning is given.
Chaîne des dames, le tiroir, chassez ouvert,
Chassez en avant et en arrière,
Tours de mains, poussette, chassez croissez,
Queue du chat, grand quarrée, moulinet,
Chaîne anglaise, les olivettes, l'étoile257257. The above terms are, it is presumed, sufficiently correct for the purpose of this work, though perhaps not secure against the observations of the critical French scholar. The want of accents in some instances, will not, it is hoped, he too minutely noticed by the liberal reader, who will bear in mind the only object of the author, (videlicet) to give au English explanation of the French terms, in general use, in quadrille dancing.,
And others I can't now to memory call,
The whole of which you ought to understand,
With proper steps to use at your command;
And not he like some dancers I well know,
Who will stand up, not knowing where to go;
Who have no steps but those taught by their nurses,
Whose partners load them tacitly with curses.
Bel. Tell me the steps you in quadrilles may use,
That I may know their names, and which to choose.
Jem. There's chassez, jeté, assemblée,
Rigaudon, pas de basque, emboitée,
Coupée entrechats, balancez258258. Other steps may he used in quadrilles according to the taste of the dancer, but those given are the most general.,
Besides the French, for persons, names, and things,
(Which the quadrille in requisition brings)
And situations where the persons stand,
You must have French for, and must understand.
Bel. They now in English the quadrilles explain,
As few who dance can any French attain.
Respecting sets, one thing I must enquire,
How many persons will a set require?
Jem. Of various numbers quadrille sets they make,
As four, eight, twelve, and some sixteen will take;
How to form sets of twelve, likewise sixteen,
And how they act may by the plans be seen.
With 4 the first set you may dance with ease259259. The first set may he danced with four by using n short finale, as chassez croisez, and l'été.,
Eight's more convenient, and will sooner please;
The usual number's 8 – with those you may
Make every figure, and the dance display.
There's sometimes sets of 12 and 16 formed,
Which in oblique directions are performed260260. Quadrilles when formed of 12 and 16 persons are sometimes danced obliquely, as will he afterwards described..
Bel. I never liked quadrilles performed this way,
To me they seemed confused, I needs must say,
Upon the stage perhaps the plan may be
Resorted to with some propriety.
There all should face the audience if they can,
This to effect, they use the oblique plan;
No such pretence for ball-rooms can I grant,
For there each side's successively a front.
The meaning of a set can you explain?
Does it to dance or persons appertain?
Jem. To call a dance the tune and figure's meant
To make a set the form's to represent,
By persons placed in couples, so that they
The quadrille form may in a square display.
When sets are named, as "the first set", you'll find
To tune and figure then the term's confined.
Bel. There's one thing more I wish you would explain,
How many dances does a set contain?
Jem. A set has five quadrilles, and sometimes six261261. Long and Short SetsWhen these terms are used in quadrille dancing, they allude to the number of dances in the set; a long set generally consists of six, and a short set is usually of five. The first is considered a short set, and when la pastourelle is add, it is then termed a long set. A short set consists not only of a smaller number of quadrilles, but various figures are omitted in certain quadrilles, as the ladies chain in Trenise, and the finale, is likewise abridged.,
But live they as the average number fix;
The last they term "finale", means the end,
To this some extra figure they append262262. Many finales have an extra figure which is performed immediately after the last couple have finished the dance, as chassez croisez, grand road, &c..
What's termed short sets are not alone, you'll find,
Unto the number of quadrilles confined,
For in some dances figures are left out,
To suit some shallow memories no doubt;
Or else some idle dancer's whim to please,
As in Finale, and in "La trenise"263263. Trenise SimpleIs when the Trenise figure is performed without the chaîne des dames..
Bel. There's short and long finales, I've heard say;
What are they? are they danced a different way?
Jem. A short finale's "Grand rond and L'été",
To make a long one add "Le Moulinet";
A short set's five, a long set six contains,
The figures for these sets your card explains.
Bel. Are those correct, for I've heard people say,
That piracy's the order of the day;
Some dancers from this charge are not exempt,
Who treat fair dealing with a marked contempt,
For what they steal they do not hesitate
To alter, transpose, change, and mutilate.
264264. Located in footnote in originalThat this practice has become too prevalent, the Author, as well as many others, considers he has some reason to complain he some time ago composed a dance to the tune of Vestris's gavotte, to be danced as a quadrille, though not strictly so; this dance, which became a favorite, is not that which, under a similar title, is included in a "Quadrille Preceptor", though he has reason to believe the latter dance was intended to be given as the original; whether that were so or not, wishing only to have the fruit of his own labours, and to derive no credit from the merits of others, he here presents a correct copy of the one composed by himself.
The honours to first strain of minuet de la cour.
The top and bottom couples set opposite to each other à la gavotte – eight bars.
Side couples do the same – eight bars.
Set to partners, giving the right and left hands alternately, and go round your partners on the right to places – twelve bars.
Each gentleman gives his right hand to the lady on the left, and his left alternately to his partner, then pass round with the lady on the right – twelve bars.
Top and bottom couples advance twice with pas de basque, and retire with emboitées – eight bars.
The side couples do the same – eight bars.
Top and bottom ladies advance round each other à la gavotte – twelve bars.
The ladies on the sides do the same - twelve bars.
Top and bottom couples set opposite each other as in figure 1, while the side couples chassez croissez – eight bars.
Vice versa – eight bars.
Pas de quatre four ladies – twelve bars.
Each gentleman takes his partner's left hand and moves completely round to places with grand balloté; jetée back, and coupée entrechat à la fin.
The author of this work will always feel it is duty to expose and reprobate all mean attempts al literary piracy and plagiarism, whether affecting his own compositions or those of others.
There's one thing more must be attended to,
But which I trust need scarce be told to you,
When you stand up, don't like some silly elves,
Whose vanity makes them expose themselves,
Attempt to lead till you the dance well know,
But take the side, and you'll know where to go.
From side positions Tyros may discern
The steps with ease, and may the figures learn;
Avoid the bottom too, for that's a place
Where would be dancers oft incur disgrace,
For they act mostly with the top, so they
Should know the dance, and great attention pay,
So take the side till you are quite au fait.
When the Quadrille begins, I here must state,
The first eight bars the dancers always wait265265. Waiting Eight BarsThe set being formed, the dancers should wait the first eight bars, and begin the dance with the second strains, if the first is not repeated, this interval of time should be filled up with the performances of the honours. To every quadrille in the set they should wait the first eight bars.;
The honours in that interval should be
Performed – the usual mark of courtesy.
Not the first only, but in every dance,
You wait 8 bars before you should advance,
And in that time the honours should repeat,
And at the end, and ere you take your seat266266. The Honours (i. e.) the Bow and CourtesyIn quadrille dancing these honours should always be made to your partner and the opposite, and to the first eight bars if music, before you begin the figure. The honours should not only be made at the commencement of each set, but likewise of each individual quadrilles, however many there may be in a set, and also at the conclusion of every set, and finally by every gentleman when he has led his partner to her seat..
Bel. How many bars of music are contained
In each quadrille, you have not yet explained.
Jem. Each dance contains of music bars I'll say
From 4 to 48, and there's some may
Be 56 – but 8 the dancers take
There they begin the honours for to make.
Bel. The quadrille figure bar267267. The quadrille figure bar is a character the author has used to show what quantity of music each movement or figure will take in the performance; it is similar to the one used in English Country Dancing, but he has been here more particular, putting a division to those figures which require but 4 bars, which are signified by a bar with one dot thus
When the figure requires 8 bars, another dot is given
those requiring 12 bars have three dots
and for 16 bars four dots
Can you explain those dots, and what they mean?
Jem. It is given to show what music figures take,
And to divide them for the dancer's sake;
Each dot placed thus
When there are four
Bel. When you stand up, by what rule do you go,
That you the top of the quadrille may know?
Jem. When the set's formed, the dancers then agree
Which takes the lead, and which the top shall be;
Look at the plan, there each position's shown,
And top and bottom may with case be known.
Figure omitted
Some teachers call the bottom the second couple, and the couple on the right of the leading couple, the third couple, but the usual method is to reckon numerically round on the right of the top couple, as shown in the diagram for eight persons.
In sets composed of eight persons (see figure 1) the first and third couples generally dance together, as do the sends and fourth. When the figure begins with two persons, as in l'été, is it performed with the first lady and third gentleman, then with the first gentleman and third lady, then the second lady and fourth gentleman, and is finished with the second gentleman and fourth lady. In a quadrille of twelve (see figure 2) when the first and fourth couple have performed the danse... Text incomplete here.
Bel. The practice is, and which you've seen no doubt
At many balls, to call the figures out.
Jem. It is dune for those who cannot recollect.
Bel. You'll own it has a school-boy like effect.
